God, Love, Sex

Long ago when I was a silly girl I dreamed of having many lovers shocking I know...  Of writing novels and traveling to foreign countries (for inspiration) and having many passionate affairs - that sounded such more thrilling than marriage and children.  They were just naive, foolish dreams really because I was brought up in an extremely traditional, Mexican family (and our culture is fused with Catholicism) so sex was introduced and embedded in my mind as a gift that could only be given in marriage.  No matter how hard I tried to part from such a meaningful definition, I could never give my body to anybody just to satisfy a biological urge.  And it wasn't Catholic guilt (because I wasn't practicing my spirituality then) - it was more the romance of it all, the personal meaning it held to me...

Saint Agustin's conversion is credit to his mother's prayers... So I guess my purity is credited to my mother raising me and of course her fervent prayers.  We can conclude that I am saving myself for marriage more shocking revelations.

Why do I want to share such personal information?  When I was growing up there were many times that I wanted others to validate my decision to wait on sex. Unfortunately, I looked in all the wrong places: magazines, TV shows, movies - pretty much the media; and, I found that all used Nike's advertising logo, "just do it."  I don't want you to think that I am this immensely pure person though I wont dislike you if you do LOL because really am a huge sinner... To be brutally honest, the greatest reason I waited was because I was terrified of getting pregnant.  I didn't want to be one more negative statistic - headline "Another Mexican Teen Pregnant."  It was pride that held me to my conviction, luckily  that has changed and now it is God who motivates me in all subjects of life.

So there you have it the 32-year-old virgin by default.  Strange?  Weird? Uncool? In worldly standards probably, but I am not of this world.  There were plenty of opportunities to change this status, but I chose to keep as is because I am heaven bound. :o)

P.S. It's ok to wait, we can wait together. :o)

Good & Simple read for teens

Love is All Around Us

I must share that growing up in a culture of Mexican telenovelas (Soap Operas) I thought the highest form of love was romantic love.  The actors on screen followed a pattern of trials and tribulations; from poor to rich,  from hurting each other, to vengeance to finally the much anticipated happy ending.  It was a rather entertaining journey that the viewers went on each year with the stereotypical characters and the never changing plot scheme.  The problem is that many ignorant people (my naive self included) bought these exaggerated stories as truth...  They formed their idea of love from these far fetched tales and no one ever met up to their idealized perception.

Late 80's & 90's Novelas

In my short years of apprenticeship at the Love University, I have made a simple discovery: Love is love.  Sure there are different types of love, but in the end, "loving is always leaving oneself to go towards others."

God created a world of order, of stability and he gave us many ways to love so that we would lead happy, balanced lives. Today I believe that I need all three to be complete.   

Philia: Love Among Friends

Being the youngest of four (seven years apart from my youngest, older brother) it was only a matter of time before I was destined to create lasting friendships outside of my little family epicenter.  My friends are a group of quite exceptional human beings, they fulfill a need that only "girls" can do so.  I believe that it's crucial to my quality of life to have my girls to run to for any and many reasons.  And I vow (cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye) that if a man ever comes into my life, my girls will still remain ever present in my life as the kindred spirits they have been thus far.

My BFF's

Girls just wanna have Fun!

"And since you hunger for love, I've put on your way all your brothers to love."

Eros: Love Among Lovers

On romantic Love... Here are some quite inexperienced thoughts on the subject... Currently my favorite verse is found in Songs of Solomon 8:4 "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." (WOW!)  I think that pretty much says it all!  I have met many people that are unhappy because they haven't met their significant other (yet).  After years of prayer and searching, no luck.  Maybe it's because I am recently new to this search, but I believe that nurturing the other areas of our lives and continuing our Catholic transformation as we wait helps to keep one content and at peace. 

Daily, God gives us opportunities to love and in loving others I have found utter happiness.  Sure, there are times when I crave the intimacy, romance and unique gifts that only that other person can provide.... But sulking is not part of the Catholic lifestyle. (smile)

Agape: God's Unconditional Love

This is God's perfect love for us... A life can't be complete without Papa Dios.  My parents and family are venues that God utilizes to bestow this utmost gift.  I am a lucky girl! God has blessed me with an incredible bunch who I adore and am incandescently in love with!  I am living in a time where the love that spills from these characters is not taken for granted, they choose to love me everyday as I do them and that is priceless.    

I feel like I should add the importance here is God's agape love for us, in my parents and my siblings I have seen this love personified. But this perfect love comes only from my Papa Dios and it's a love that we should strive to emulate.

 Mi Familia on Earth

 My Nephew & Doggie

 Mis Papas with Santa Hat's :)

"Let us love one another, for love is from God... Because God is love." 1 John 4:7

The Call of the Wild

I lay on the grass, dog beside me, looking up at the infinite sky through gaps from the willowy tree branches. At this moment it's easy to notice the tree reaching its arms towards the heavens and I wonder if all creation knows of the far away world that we are all destined for.  Streaks of sunshine make their way downward and heaven and earth dance together to the chorus the frogs and the crickets sing.  For a moment I'm left pondering, how can people not believe in you Papa - You created all of this irreplicable beauty with the utmost care simply for our enjoyment!  My dog moves reminding me of his presence, I run my fingers through his wiry fur, one more reason to be thankful. 

Nature's take on love

My loyal companion and the YAMs

Nature calls us daily, "come immerse yourself in me, I was created for you."  But in the bustling of city noises, of too many errands, too much work, too many worries... We become blinded and our eyes and beings trained to dismiss the natural splendor.  

Our Hike Inauguration

 At Peters Canyon this past Saturday, boy it was hot!

Perhaps that is why my friend felt the need to add a monthly event to our young adult ministry in which we take the time to honor His creation by immersing ourselves in it... Once a month, on a Saturday we get up early and begin our day with mass and a two hour plus  hike. It's a moment I have learned to treasure... Even my little brown wolf enjoys tagging along, and I must comment that for his senior status (ssh! don't tell him, he believes himself to be a young pup) he keeps up better than some of us humans (smile).

Afternoon at Griffith Park (horses, goofing around, and a beautiful sunset)

Funny how becoming a believer changes your entire life philosophy, I became aware of my smallness.  As a great man once said,  "there is no way in which a man can earn a star or deserve a sunset."

Ridge Park Road in Newport Coast

Friends, Cake & Celebrations

Six of us girls formed a small group called Amistad en Cristo, (Friendship in Christ).  We all met back in 2007 in Jovenes para Cristo and our friendship blossomed into something whimsical.  While we we're attending JPC we served in evangelizing retreats, took formation courses, fed the homeless, visited the elderly, served in church ministries, visited a women's shelter in Tijuana...  

 Weddings, Baptims, Showers & Dinners

But as with any journey, most of us slowly had to leave JPC because God was asking something different from each of us. That's when Amistad en Cristo was born.  We started this club as a way to continue keeping in touch and keeping alive the godly friendship that had been established.

  Exclusive Baby Shower

My Mad Hatter Birthday

There are really no rules for our little club.  We try to meet at least once a month to celebrate our celestial bond and use technology daily to pray and to serve one another.  The small size of the group allows for deeper intimacy and it's awesome to use social media to grow in God. Though I must add our little club has grown to include three babes or as we like to think the next generation of Amistad en Cristo. 

Our first sleepover with our exclusive membership glasses!

This past Friday, we headed to the Cheesecake Factory for a night of celebration for our petite friend's birthday.  And as usual we laughed the night away. 

    

Must Love Dogs

When I was growing up I dreamed of many things, but never of being a wife or a mother.  In 2007 when I had one of my strongest encounters with God - I even contemplated becoming a nun - cloistered on a beautiful hilltop devoted to my creator... With the passage of time God revealed that path was not what He wanted for me.  Until recently, I thought that my vocation was the single life.  I often saw myself in my mid-thirties (on my own) fostering children and dogs - and eventually adopting a few of each (smile).  That plan gave me peace.  

This past January something occurred and suddenly there was this strange desire to have it all: the husband, the children, the traditional family (with dogs of course). So here I am so completely ignorant of dating courting, having been on two dates since my break-up back in 2005! Only having had one boyfriend my entire life and now God is saying "MARRIAGE" is what I want for you.

"And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course..."

Lucky for me I live in the world of information!  My library has increased to books on Christian courtship, sexuality, etc. 

I've learned a great deal on the subject, but now how do I act? 

Prayer of course has been established.

The problem is am not comfortable with dating websites... There's two frame of minds here: actively looking or actively waiting.  I prefer the second, I am not a recluse if God wants me married I will come across my one-and-only the good old-fashion way... Or God might give me the courage to use technology one of these days... (Wink!) 

"And your love will pass through another self of yours it is he that you seek: Set your mind at rest; he is on your way on the way since the beginning..."

My Week Partying with Jesus

When I was on the outside looking in, I thought a Christian life with all it's "rules" was limited and boring. I couldn't figure out how people could ever commit to such a way of life.  The thing is in school we are challenged to be learned people in regards to everything except religion.  It's quite accepted (with society) to be educated and ignorant about faith. That was me, I believed that Christianity was a myth that people bought into because they needed a fairy tale.  It wasn't until I "joined" (smile) that I found that chemists, physicists, doctors, engineers - all types of highly professional, extremely intelligent people followed Christ! The same was for the Christian lifestyle, since returning to my Catholic faith, I have found that God is so much fun!

Let's take last week for example:

Tuesday night, we had a Parish Movie Night.  The Parish hall was decked out in movie memorabilia, tables covered with summery tablecloths and a yummy pizza dinner was provided. We watched, "The Perfect Game," (such a cute movie) and had a great turn-out.

On Friday, we had our annual parish night at Angels Anaheim Stadium.  Father joined us for the Big Bang Fireworks Friday and though the game was over four hours long (boo) and we (Angels) lost; the firework show was worth the wait!

On Saturday, our youth minister invited us over to his house for a BBQ, before we all start teaching confirmation classes this September.  He and his wife prepared a yummy Greek BBQ (thank you) and for the first time since my teen years I played video games (which I was horrible at).

We love to have fun for Jesus.

An Artsy Night

This past weekend my friend had an extra ticket for Pageant of the Masters in Laguna Beach and invited me to come with.

It was my first time attending this particular event which began in the thirties after some artists came together and re-created classical & contemporary works of art with real people posing as “living pictures.”

I wasn't allowed to take pictures inside.

The night was magical!

There was a professional orchestra that played beautiful music suited for each of the re-created pieces while a narrator told a story utilizing the theme of this years’ festival: “The Big Picture.” 

A Jazz Band Kept us entertained before the show

While the narrator took us down-film memory lane, retelling the beginning of motion pictures to now, hundreds of volunteers put together a 90 minute visual show off intricate pieces of art portraying scenes of classic films and paintings.  At one point they showed the various steps that take place to recreate each piece, which was equivalent to a magician revealing the secrets to his illusions!

This was one of my favorites

The setting too was ideal, an amphitheater, that in the dark of the night allowed for stargazing.

I loved this photograph!

In addition to the show, outside the amphitheater was surrounded by works of arts by local artists (an outside gallery).  There were all sorts of pieces: Paintings, sculptures, photography, jewelry, furniture…  My favorite was the small section displaying works from local students ranging from PreK-12 grade, such talent!

We had dinner at Tivoli Terrace where I saw these doggies, 

I want them for mi casa!!!

Living with Bipolar

In 2007, I was diagnosed for the second time with Bipolar Disorder and for the first time I accepted it.  Since then, I have become very open about it because I don't want it to have the hold on me that secrets tend to have.  Am sure that if you Google the disorder you can have a concise medical definition and gain somewhat of an understanding of the illness; here you will have personal snippets of what it's like to live with it on a daily basis.  

The death of my brother and the end of a six-year relationship triggered the worst manic phase of my life, thus far.  I would apply for jobs, but couldn't handle the stress and would quit weeks or days after beginning.  During this time I had severe delusions and hallucinations. I abused alcohol and went on spending sprees. I stopped eating and sleeping for weeks.  There came a day when the voices that I was hearing told me to kill myself, but first kill my dog.  I knew that I couldn't kill my dog and that's when I asked for help.  My parents intervened and I got the help I needed. To this day I owe my life to my little, brown wolf, he's my angel.  

For the next year, I was unable to work even though I had just finished my teaching credential program. It hurt me to know that things out of my control could change the course of my life so drastically, but that also helped me understand how people end up on the streets. In fact, statistics show that a large percentage of homeless have mental disorders.  I remember thinking that I wouldn't even be able to hold a simple job cashiering at a store because I felt so unbalanced and insecure.

Through this time my parents and family cared for me, they were my saving grace.  I also sought help within my church community and slowly things began to get better.  I remember one day my mom and I went to five different churches and I spoke to five different priests asking for guidance, finally finding what I needed in a conversation with a priest at Our Lady of El Pilar Parish.  He told me something to the effect that depression comes from focusing too much on self and that it be good for me to start doing things for others. That following Sunday, I signed up to help at Saint Francis Senior Home.  To this day I remember feeling like I had nothing to offer and that day among abandoned ladies who just wanted to be acknowledge, listened to and touched; God used my weak self and showed me how He uses the meek to work His works.

It's been a difficult journey.  I haven't heard voices since then (later I found that the voices were a side effect of two medications) and have been able to get my life back on course.  Today am fully functioning even though I have a tendency for depressive episodes. I found that God really helps me.  He's taught me that feelings are not truths and thus I ignore sadness when I can and live in His joy.  Sometimes it's hard to be social and during those times I have a tendency to be a homebody, but I try not to flake on appointments with others.  I also see my psychiatrist and therapist once every three months. Everyday is a learning experience, but there's always much hope so hang in there if you are struggling with bipolar disorder, with God it will get better....   

My World Vision Girls

In July of 2010 I went to "Women of Faith" at the Anaheim Convention Center.  It's a two-day event that goes on yearly designed specially for women.  My Christian friend invited me to go with her and  while I don't recall many details of the event, I do recall being set-up with, Wajifa, my first sponsor child from Bangladesh.  During one of the breaks the audience was advised to look underneath their seats, I thought we were getting a prize, and excitedly followed directions only to find a small, yellow folder with a picture of the cutest, little girl (who resembled my nephew) and all her information inside.  A fifteen minute video played on the score board  detailing the need and the benefits of sponsoring a child.  Two women told their World Vision testimonies and at the end of each testimony the sponsors met their children in the countries that their sponsor children were located.  While the video was rather moving, what got me was the folder with Wajifa's picture & bio.  I couldn't return it, God had placed her there for me, I had to sponsor her.

For the next two-and -a-half-years I got to get to know Wajifa.  When I sponsored her she was an only child, six-years-old, not in school and her dad was having difficult providing for the family...  

 Wajifa's Letter in Bengali

Translated Letter

For the next two-years I was present for her kindergarten graduation, beginning of elementary schooling, for the birth of her baby brother and I even was able to buy her a goat for Christmas!  The goat she loved because it was her pet and a way to get milk daily. With my 35 dollar monthly contribution World vision was able to provide, schooling, uniforms, medical care, job training for her parents and even some chickens!  I also paid a whole twenty dollars to provide a birthday party for Wajifa every year.

  

My Christmas Card on the corner from Wajifa, flowers drawn by her

The best part was corresponding.  I made it a goal to write to her monthly and sent her small little gifts that I could fit in a 4 X 8 manila envelope along with my letters.  With a food vacuum I got creative and even sent her dresses, shirts, undergarments, socks, school supplies... To every letter I sent I got one back in return. Though she was too young to write, she sent me colorful drawings she drew, while a World Vision helper would write the letters that were then translated to English. Twice a year  I would get a full report on her along  with a picture of my growing, beautiful child. 

Wearing pink & black dress I sent her

The reason I have spoken of Wajifa in past tense is because a few months ago she stopped being my sponsor child.  Her dad had to relocate for work and moved his entire family to a different location in Bangladesh (that is not serviced by World Vision).  I was very disappointed to end our relationship (I still pray for her nightly), but soon after, I got another little girl assigned, Saria.  I have yet to write to Saria, but am excited to start building our friendship, after all God placed her in my path too...

My new Baby Girl