Emo Penny

A very buried emo Penny came to the surface and took over my sunny disposition and this dark reel on repeat consumed my vision for the past eighteen months.  It was weird to get up, even in ninety-degree weather and feel a clouded heaviness.  As most of the world I have been on COVID survival mode, the change in lifestyle and the consequences of that unanticipated change have been felt so deeply here.  I waited for life to return to normal. In time, I thought things will go back to life as it was before the epidemic; but, two years and still wearing a mask on the daily I understand that I can’t put my life on hold. 

I had a long weekend and while I didn’t do anything Instagram worthy (if I had an account); I feel so good. A good that I haven’t felt in a long time.  That type of simple goodness where one wakes up and with no effort hope is present like that MIA student that hadn’t been on campus during lockdown and now is sitting right before my eyes. 

Penny, I am here and just like that I see the sun coming up like the most extraordinary sunrise, like a prodigal son, hope returns. Hope is here.  It’s been awhile in the desert, but I have caught sight of the coast and I know that my emo slump is reaching a conclusion.  Thanks for bearing with me.

It’s no fun feeling a great disconnection from the things that once brought joy, to feel so far away from God.  To have no creative juices left because all my energy went to surviving my work hours.  Sometimes, I forget that I am bipolar – that it’s easy for me to be depressed because my brain was designed with that malfunction. It’s been awhile though since I sunk so low and I know the culprit was COVID and all the unexpected changes, but I feel better now.  This long weekend, helped me reenergize and to find the gift of hope.  It also helped me see how much my faith has grown because even though I felt so apart from God for so long reason helped me see beyond my emotions, to see the truth no matter how low I got.  I guess that’s why they call them growing pains.

Any who, I know that I am still not fully my cheerful self, but everyday things are looking up.       

Protestant Books Folly

Did I ever tell you about the time I gave protestant books to my priests for Christmas?

I had just returned to the Catholic Church and I was involved with Jovenes Para Cristo.  I thought what if I buy a great book for each priest and have everyone in the group sign the card so that it’s a thank you gift from our entire group.  So, I got everyone in the group to sign and put a special message in the three cards.  At the time I had recently visited the then Crystal Cathedral and found some great books that I thought would suit each of the priest’s personalities.  To me books have always been the perfect gift and I was really excited to give a few of the ones that I had read by Robert Schuller, Chuck Swindoll and Lee Strobel to my parish priests. I wrapped them in pretty paper, stuck a shiny bow and placed the group signed Christmas cards on each gift and delivered them to the parish office.

My heart was excited, thinking that I had done something meaningful expressing gratitude to service men that often go day by day without a thank you.  When my phone rang and it was the president of the Jovenes Para Cristo Association, I thought he had called to tell me that the priests had received their gifts and were warmed by the thoughtful expression. 

“Penny, did you give our priests protestant books?” The leader of the group began the conversation in a tone that clearly illustrated that I had done something wrong.

Instantly I was upset. I didn’t understand the accusation.  I just thought of my intentions and how I just wanted the priests to feel special and valued.  So, I told him, “It was a gift, and if the priests have a problem receiving a gift given with the purest intentions, have them directly talk to me about it.” He didn’t argue any more when he realized that I didn’t do it with malice, it was just a matter of ignorance.  He let me go, but I still felt upset because I thought my gift wasn’t well liked instead of it being inappropriate.  To me there has never been a bad gift because I always look at gifts like a little goodness from the giver.  The giver takes time to think of what the gift will be, personalizing and taking the time to purchase.  Then the gift is wrapped and decorated all while the giver thinks of the reaction the recipient will have. 

Thus, there are no bad gifts- at least not when the intention is to bring happiness – that is unless you give protestant books to Catholic priests! I was driving this morning thinking about this incident and laughing at how many times I was too protestant when I made my return to the Catholic Church.

Just a Regular Halloween

Hope you had a Happy Halloween!

After totally passing on it last year, this year I had a little more enthusiasm and mustered an outfit for myself and Francis.  In my thrift escapades I found a small mariachi hat and I thought that Francis would make an adorable charro which he did.  It’s been quite a joy sharing his pictures with my students today and watching their reactions.  A fluffy dog with a hat will make even the most challenging kid smile and break the ice.

I also was able to dress as Jessie from “Toy Story” on Friday to school and the kids had some cute reactions.  I specially loved the reactions from my virtual students as they logged in expecting to see their usually black hair teacher and were surprised to find a red-haired imposter.  Again, I found the Jessie t-shirt and hat at the thrift store and made my wig using red yarn, then I added some calf print fabric to my jeans and it weren’t for my brown skin – you wouldn’t be able to tell us apart.  For both Francis and my costume, I manage to spend less than fifteen dollars and the joy that I got was priceless!

On Halloween Day, we closed our door and turned off our lights, no candy evangelizing this year.  Funny, the year that I don’t participate is the year that I got asked by a priest to share how I celebrate Halloween. He’s trying to get a plan established to get his community to revamp the holiday with saints instead of goblins.  Thus, I had to rely on posts from years past to highlight what I have done to keep my faith on Halloween Day.  Maybe next year, the saint costumes and candy evangelizing will return as now I have a small following of people who are taken by my very Catholic Halloweens.