Emo Penny

A very buried emo Penny came to the surface and took over my sunny disposition and this dark reel on repeat consumed my vision for the past eighteen months.  It was weird to get up, even in ninety-degree weather and feel a clouded heaviness.  As most of the world I have been on COVID survival mode, the change in lifestyle and the consequences of that unanticipated change have been felt so deeply here.  I waited for life to return to normal. In time, I thought things will go back to life as it was before the epidemic; but, two years and still wearing a mask on the daily I understand that I can’t put my life on hold. 

I had a long weekend and while I didn’t do anything Instagram worthy (if I had an account); I feel so good. A good that I haven’t felt in a long time.  That type of simple goodness where one wakes up and with no effort hope is present like that MIA student that hadn’t been on campus during lockdown and now is sitting right before my eyes. 

Penny, I am here and just like that I see the sun coming up like the most extraordinary sunrise, like a prodigal son, hope returns. Hope is here.  It’s been awhile in the desert, but I have caught sight of the coast and I know that my emo slump is reaching a conclusion.  Thanks for bearing with me.

It’s no fun feeling a great disconnection from the things that once brought joy, to feel so far away from God.  To have no creative juices left because all my energy went to surviving my work hours.  Sometimes, I forget that I am bipolar – that it’s easy for me to be depressed because my brain was designed with that malfunction. It’s been awhile though since I sunk so low and I know the culprit was COVID and all the unexpected changes, but I feel better now.  This long weekend, helped me reenergize and to find the gift of hope.  It also helped me see how much my faith has grown because even though I felt so apart from God for so long reason helped me see beyond my emotions, to see the truth no matter how low I got.  I guess that’s why they call them growing pains.

Any who, I know that I am still not fully my cheerful self, but everyday things are looking up.