Jesus Refill

What a difference a week makes…

Ever since I started working this new job, I have been praying constantly.  First the prayers were about God giving me the abilities to perform my duties even with bipolar.  Then, they were about the goals that I had to accomplish as part of my job.  Until they became about interceding for my students.  I don’t think there has been a moment in my life where I have been so dependent on prayer. My hour commute each way gives me the opportunity to reflect and to ask God for very specific things that I know my kids are struggling with.  These moments of prayer have made a huge difference in my life and in my relationship with God.  Everyday I am witness to the small miracles that these prayers bear fruit to and I thank God for His providence.

Every week I get new students and last week I received a girl with severe anxiety and she had a major meltdown on her first appointment with me.  She felt like there were too many people and the close proximity in which we work with each other made her panic.  After she left that day, I was thinking that she wasn’t going to return, but I prayed for her because I have my own battles with anxiety and I totally can relate with the stress a new situation can produce.  The school psychologist changed her appointment to the afternoon when things at the center are much more-quiet and my girl returned and by the end of the week, she wished me a happy Spring break and I think I even saw a hint of a smile.  I think in this line of work, these small victories are signs of God’s presence.

Technology is also great, I had a student that was out last week and he’s one of those teens that rarely says a word, but I noticed when he returned to class that he was not my normal quiet kid.  So, I sent him a message and told him that I had noticed he wasn’t his usual self and that I was sending him an air hug in addition to being available for him to vent.  The following day, he stayed after class and told me that his mom had been hospitalized, but that she was doing much better.  Again, getting him to trust me enough to tell me his struggles was a such a big moment.

Last time I was a high school teacher I was in so much need that I didn’t have enough to give my kids and I think that’s why I failed as a teacher.  Now, I not only have my health back, but I have a faith that has taught me that life is more than just about me and that there are lessons of greater importance than teaching grammar.  Jesus’ ministry teaches us about the importance of servitude, of helping each other out as if we are a community of brotherhood.  In every interaction, I try to show my kids and those that I work with a living Jesus one full of love and a willingness to serve.  Some days I feel exhausted when I leave the school for the day, but then during that drive home I have a moment with God and He never fails to refill me with more of Him.  In these moments I pray like I have never done before and I feel for once in my life the power of prayer (smile).    

Bring Me Back in Focus

You can’t blame the actions of a person in mourning. Death makes the strongest vulnerable and only time can bring the tide of normalcy once again.  This past week has been challenging, things that normally don’t push me off balance have made transitioning to life after grandma difficult.  I dropped my cell phone in Francis’ water bowl and didn’t realize this until two hours after, damaging my phone.  After days of letting it air dry, I was forced to order a new one.  Due to the damage, my phone navigation had some issues and I got lost making me thirty minutes late to a training that I had to attend.  I am one of those people that always shows up early so that I can choose my seat and just get acclimated with my surroundings before all the people show up this helps my anxiety.  Then I had an allergic reaction and my upper lip puffed up making me look like I had a bad Botox job.  My first day back to work, I got a mew student with severe anxiety and possibly trauma that was crying and refused to sit at her assign seat.  I had to have someone cover while I went outside with her and the school psychologist to calm her panic. 

Normally these bumps in the road don’t affect me as much, I am able to center myself in prayer and get through the day.  However, with the emotional instability of losing a loved one I am more sensitive and these small challenges seemed a whole lot bigger and I couldn’t stop and have a moment to breathe because my schedule was so impacted.  My coworker asked me if I was going to see a doctor about my puffy lip and I told her that I didn’t have time.  That’s how all of last week felt like I was rushing and just trying to survive each day with the added stress of little things going wrong.  Even looking towards the weekend was not alleviating, since I had been scheduled to work Saturday school.  Somehow, working Saturday school was a blessing because I got a lot done and now, I am caught up at work.

Having only one day for myself made a difference and I was able to order a new phone yesterday.  My lips are back to their normal size and my outlook on life much more positive.  Sometimes, I needed to withdraw and just be by myself in order to find peace.  I went to my sanctuary (the dog park) and watched as my pup played with many dogs and the happiness, he felt was contagious.  I find myself with a stupid smile when I am there admiring God’s beauty all around me and His beauty gives me the will to go on.  Even if things are challenging my peace, I can run to Him to help place me back in focus and there among a group of pups I find my antidote.

     

Learning to Trust God in Prayer

Yesterday morning I met with a group of girls for our monthly bible study.  I really enjoy the discussions that get initiated and the fellowship.  We always begin by checking in, just sharing how life has been since the last time we met.  I was sharing how these past months I have been trying something different I have been praying for myself.  An aside, I struggle with prayer mostly the petition type.  I have no trouble interceding for others, but when it’s about asking God for something for myself, I get doubts that He might not be listening. 

Anyway, these past months I have been praying daily about things that normally I would be too sensitive about presenting to the Lord.  A month after I started my new job, my boss sat with me to develop three goals for this academic year.  As I have been sharing the transition back to teaching has been challenging- but I have really noticed how prayer has facilitated the change.  I have been praying for my goals and I have been noticing how this practice has began bearing fruits.  For example, the school where I work at, we have the problem of just getting the kids to come to their regular instruction times.  Yet, I have noticed that we lack a social component, a place for kids to come and make friends.  So, I decided to take on the challenge of starting a club to meet the social and emotional component that our cite lacks. 

I was told that many other teachers have tried starting such a club without success because kids don’t want to come in extra for a club.  Well, I started praying about it and then I asked some of the support staff if they’d be interested in helping me out.  We were just in the process of brainstorming- when one of my kids asks me if she can begin a debate club.  So far, she has enrolled eleven other students!  I seriously hadn’t began to advertise it and already there’s a good amount of kids interested!  This past week when she came over to me with her list of students, all I could think about was how prayer does work! Even the prayer where we are asking God for personal help.  I have heard that God does these sorts of things to show us His power and to help us earn His trust. 

Once a week, I stop by the basilica to spend time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and I have been presenting these types of prayers to Him.  I go say hello, ask him for his assistance then I begin my day of work.  Many of the prayers that I have been talking to him about I have been noticing His hand at work and I am beginning to think that He really does listen and provides for us according to His will.