All I need
is You. On Saturday morning once again I
woke up with a burning desire to be with God- just the two of us. I got in my car put on worship music and began
to pray along to some of my favorite alabanzas
(praises). There was so much I needed to
confide in Him. My mind was in chaos and
I needed His clarity, guidance, strength, hope and perseverance. Though at first I had trouble getting my mind
calm enough to enter into His tabernacle slowly as I drove layers of stress and
impatience began to peel off and by the time I reached Mission San Juan
Capistrano I was fully in communion with my Heavenly Father. I was a bit stressed because I was giving a
talk on God the Creator to my RCIA students (though I taught for eight years)
when it comes to sharing my faith with others I still feel so unworthy and so
ignorant. As I toured the mission I
learned about all the missionary priests who left their homes in hopes of
converting the indigenous people of California.
I learned how they did all types of work in addition to teaching people
in the faith and celebrating the Eucharist. They lead very challenging lives. Reflecting on the struggles the priests overcame (all for their love of
God) I realized that many times God takes each of us out of our comfort zone and into
valleys that terrify us, but it is during those moments that His power is made
perfect. He just wants us to be His instruments
and He will provide all we need to achieve the assignment He has entrusted us
with. My talk to my RCIA group turned
out fine – thanks to the Holy Spirit and the prayers of my friends. I learned a
great deal and in two weeks when I give my second lesson on prayer again I will
rely on God’s strength and wisdom to get me through it- for He promises to
always be with us and to provide (smile).
The other
struggle I took to the cross on Saturday morning was one a little more
personal. I have shared with you that I
have only been involved in one romantic relationship and that was prior to my
conversion- thus, now at times I feel lost in matters of the heart. I am a very transparent person and if I am interested
in a man I am quite obvious- even more now because I want to love with humility,
without fear and without playing games.
Yet, at the same time it’s important for me to be pursued because I want
a man that’s going to be the leader of our pack.
I have a pretty strong, fearless personality
in the realms of love- because I am a lover and loving is my mission. But I don’t want to scare away a man by
overstepping my boundaries and pursuing him- I understand we live in an age and
time when women ask men out, but that’s not me.
I was raised in a traditional home and my mother taught me that I am
worthy of being pursued. God cemented
that value furthermore. The beginnings
of romantic relationships are so difficult and confusing because one is always so unaware of
the feelings of the other person. Though
I send signs do they reach him? Do his signs reach me? I don’t know.
But God does and that’s why involving Him is so crucial in matters of
the heart. On Saturday, I lit a candle
in the chapel of the mission and placed my heart in God’s along with my special
intention. I trust that He will guide me
towards my one-and-only and slowly (at my pace) He will teach me the process of Christian courtship (smile).
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