On Faith

Faith is an ongoing process that requires constant renewal and recommitment.  Lately, I have been struggling with some depressive thoughts and mood swings I just want to give up and hibernate until a more cheerful season comes… Yet, I know by faith that these negative thoughts shall pass and while they remain I will hold on to God and my faith in Him will pull me through.  It’s been a difficult week, yet I managed to push myself to attend a couple of events that really strengthened and refocused my glance from self to God.  On Saturday, I went to mass and had such a wonderful healing experience – it’s been awhile since I have cried at mass, but on Saturday my emotions were so dark that some of the readings really spoke and nurtured my soul.  On the pew I was thinking how I needed a hug from God to feel him tangibly.  As I kneeled to pray after receiving the Eucharist – I realized that God had given me something more powerful than a hug.  He gave me HIMSELF- His body and blood and He was inside me- way more powerful than the best of hugs!

Later that night, I went to a young adult praise and worship event with some of the young people from my parish.  We were able to have adoration of the Blessed Sacrament and while it was a struggle for me to calm and focus my thoughts on God, once I did He continued to sustain me.  God is so amazing!  He places these events and occasions of deep prayer to provide and to keep the light of the Spirit that lives in me from extinguishing.  The contemporary music with its simple yet powerful lyrics, the union through community prayer and Jesus present body, soul and divinity- reduced my sadness.  I left the event feeling hopeful that God truly is enough- that no amount of sadness will separate me from His love and that if I seek Him I shall find Him!

We all go through periods of trial and tribulation- for what is a faith that never gets tested or one that never grows nor produces good fruits?  Yet, faith is one of my weakest charisms- I struggle to believe in God especially when my intellect gets the better of me.  That’s why one of my favorite verses in the Bible is, “I believe, help my unbelief.”  God requires each of us to make a choice – to choose Him and He will provide the rest.  Yet, the choice to follow and trust in Him needs to be renewed daily- it’s not a one time deal.  We need to reassert our vow to Him constantly especially in our hour of need.  When our Christian fuel is running low we need to turn to the only one that can fill us up again.  I love God and though am unaware of His plans for my life and at times I get discouraged and negative- I know that He is it for me.  There’s no place I rather be than in His heart, especially when mine is hurting.