Let Go and Let God

Last week I came across a great find that has enabled me to finally let go and let God.  I have shared that the death of my brother was my initiation into Christian spirituality and his memory continues to impact the way I live my life.  Since, he parted I have been looking at things a bit too earthly and God through the grace of a book has revealed truths that have literally freed me!  Since I can remember I have thought of love as a choice simply made by me- but if I am living a godly life then I need to unite my choice to God’s will.  Though I never made a list of my ideal man – when I fell into attraction with the opposite sex my prayers suddenly became very specific, “I want him and I want him soon.” And time and again God said, “no, not him not now”- and for a while I was left with this uncertainty and doubt about God’s role in all of this.  I started to overanalyze God’s behavior and I began to doubt His ability to play cupid and began to rely mostly on my actions and my efforts.  I began to feel this great pressure and burden which caused me to lose my peace and joy.  I talked to a couple of my sisters-in-Christ about this change in me- this downcast, negative energy (close to desperation) and though their advice was superb it wasn’t until I heard it from a stranger in written language that God simultaneously revealed truths and freed me from the shackles of eccentricity. 

In my journey towards my one-and-only I had begun to carve a path where I wanted to lead God.  “This way, this is the man I want - follow me,”  and- time and again He said no because I wasn’t following Him!  Though the men that I have cared for in the past have all been godly men – God only knows why none were the way to my sanctification or my happiness (nor I to theirs).  Realizing that God has a plan and that God is not a God of confusion, but one whose promises have power; knowing that God will never allow me or my future Mr. Penny to miss out on each other and understanding that the man God created for me – the one He intends for me will pursue me because God will reveal and lead him towards me gave me such relief!  I finally surrendered to God my love life.  Today, I know for sure without a doubt that- God is my compass - my leader and I trust and believe in Him, with a strength and certainty that I didn’t have before (SMILE).  I refuse to waste more time yearning over the wrong man- until God tells me CLEARLY on my wedding day this is he who I give to you- my heart will be in God’s keeping.  There my heart will rest in peace and in joy.  And while I wait for my love – I will dedicate my time and mind to love all those that God has blessed my life with.  Service, study, prayer and preparation should keep me busy and in state of peaceful contentment while I wait on the Lord (smile). 

God is on our side :)