The Giver

When I began taking meds for my bipolar disorder the first time I was diagnosed I remember going from a really emotionally, intuitive person to feeling numb in matter of weeks.  At first I missed feeling sad and eventually I missed having intense emotions.  My ability to write faded too and I became this strange person devoid of emotions and devoid of creativity.  One of the reasons people with bipolar have such difficulty sticking to a medication routine is due to the loss of sensitivity that the medication causes.  Thus, I stopped the treatment and chose an emotional life… Yesterday, I went to the cinema on a date with myself to catch The Giver.  The film depicts this numbness and sedation of emotions- it creates a world of sameness and feelings are controlled with a daily vaccine.  Life in the isolated community is mundane and in a state of perpetual repetition.  While enjoying the film so many different things were going through my head- and a memory of my initial reaction to psychotic medications and treatment for a sadness that had long followed my existence flooded my being.  This great melancholy that lived in me had always been my companion – she had even become my devoted friend.  Thus, when the meds began to kill my depression I stopped treatment.  I fought for my miserable friend- but eventually I had to let her go so that I would heal and begin a healthy mind.  This personal experienced helped me understand the elders in the community of The Giver wanting to control emotions - for emotions can be dangerous without regulation… For over seven years- I have worked on teaching myself to be content, joyful and at peace.  I have labored on turning depression into joy and while I really have to work at being cheerful because sadness comes more natural to me- I am finally achieving an emotional balanced life.  After years, of fighting with the side effects of my medications I am able to write again and am no longer the robot that the treatment initially made me (smile).

Sometimes God speaks to me through art in such a clear voice and He shows me the hope of a life that chooses Him daily.  The movie did an excellent job showing a world lacking freewill and while at first the community appears to hold a utopian society- slowly we see that love no longer exists, nor choice, nor color nor anything that makes life so worth living.  The Giver gives Jonas (the protagonist) what God gives us every day- a sunrise to motivate us to wake up and blessing after blessing as each day progresses.  I am always in awe over creation because God could have made every living species less varied – yet there is so much beauty in all the idiosyncrasies He created! While the big excuse in The Giver as to why everything has to be regulated is so that people don’t make the “wrong choices,” love is a choice.  God could have made us into robots, but as anyone in love knows when someone gives you their heart nothing compares (smile).  He gave us the option to choose Him – that’s pretty magical!