I have been struggling with the worst case
of fatigue this past week (one of the highlights of being bipolar) which means
that I have been sleeping more than usual.
Last week I skipped on game one of season two of softball because I was
just so exhausted! I wish I had tips on
how to overcome the tiredness, but other than “press on” with the activities
that must get done like showing up and performing your job related duties- then
rest. I hate the time when this chronic
fatigue overwhelms my life because activities, people and pets suffer. My dog tends to look at me like come on am ready for my walk. Luckily he is of a forgiving nature and if he just gets a
fifteen minute rather pathetic walk he slides next to me and accompanies me in my
slumber. I try to make it up on days
when I recuperate my energy levels, but at times I feel so guilty for my
limitations. The good thing is that I
know enough about how the illness affects me by now that I am able to accept
the tiredness and the over sleep as necessities during a few days a month. There are times to fight symptoms and times
to just surrender. My psychologist and I
decided to change one of the medications that I have been on because of my
weight gain and so far I feel better on this new drug- I have also noticed that
my fatigue spells are shorter so that’s optimistic (smile).
Recently I took on two new responsibilities. One of my best friends invited me to help
with RCIA for the Hispanic community this year at Santa Barbara Parish and at
my current parish I am helping with ticket sales for our annual September
Fest. Thus, this past month has been a
grueling time of preparatory meetings.
Maybe that’s part of the reason I am so tired (wink). I am sharing this information because if I
have commitments in my agenda ahead of time I am more likely –even in states of
utter fatigue- to keep my responsibilities.
Though when I do show up my friends notice the change in me. During periods of tiredness - physically I
have no energy to invest in wearing make-up and devoting the minutes I normally
do to look presentable. I usually show
up in dark colors, free of make-up with my hair in a bun. While my physical appearance suffers so does
my personality- I am quiet and can become easily irritable. After years of dealing with these periods of
fatigue I can now for the most part deal with the feelings in a more positive
manner, before I would isolate myself from everything and everyone. Now I try to keep my routine and my
commitments for the most part- but it has taken a lot of years of practice. There are still days when I crash, but now I know
that it’s not laziness.
During the periods of low energy I also
need more alone time- for I charge my batteries in my moments of
solitude. I have been in therapy for
almost a decade now and the experience has transformed me and equipped me with
the tools I need to lead a normal life.
My spirituality and faith in God have also been motivators in my
recovery. When I was at my darkest hour
in my life, I remember attending Jovenes
Para Cristo meetings partly because one of the leaders in the prayer
ministry would always give me a tight, warm hug. Those hugs carried God’s saving and healing power-
they helped carry me in moments of devastating frailty… So if you see me around looking gloomy a hug will help (smile) there's just something so healing in the sense of touch. We were meant to be hugged, kissed and loved.
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