Llegaste Tu

I used to be guilty of always looking for people to love me and the more I looked for love the more disillusionment grew in my heart.  My ex-boyfriend will probably be a saint because he dated me when my happiness depended on others.  Why couldn’t he love me more?  Why couldn’t he show it more? Sure my parents and family loved me, but they were blood relation (that didn’t count) – they HAD to love me.  Love was always on a scale and never weighed enough to satisfy that void inside my soul…  People are always saying they have no regrets; but, I do, I regret not opening my life to God sooner.

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” Revelation 3:20   

There’s this song in Spanish, Llegaste Tu, and it describes the totality of my state prior to God and what happened when I opened the door to God’s persistent knocking.  You see, God in his infinite wisdom gave us directions on how to live our lives (to put it simply). In the Bible, He asks us TO love.  It’s like that saying “giving is better than receiving,” loving seriously is better than looking for others to love you. Take the initiative and love! 

When I started my spiritual journey, my views of love were distorted and the foundation weakly laid.  I was drowned in loneliness and my heart an empty vacuum.  But as God arrived in my life and began to reign in my heart, “I LOVED.” I loved my family, I loved my friends, I loved my animals, I loved my church community, I loved the world - in doing so I loved God… The more I loved the more my heart filled itself with love.  And that beautiful verse that I never imagined I could express became the result, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” LOVE! I beckon and challenge you to give it a try and just love your little heart out!      

It Happened One January

Last January I went on my first Catholic Single’s Cruise – I was really just excited about traveling with like- minded people, nothing more. Yet, God used that experience to challenge my hopes for the future.  Up until that January I really believed that I was called to the single life.  I was happy on my own and was preparing mentally, materially and prayerfully to start fostering children and eventually adoption.  That notion of caring for and loving the little ones that have been discarded by society has always been in my heart.  I figured that I didn’t need a man to commit myself to the mission of loving the unwanted.  But January came and went and God showed me that I underestimated Him…

Our Ave Maria Catholic Singles Group

During that cruise I met so many people, men and women alike that inspired my faith and motivated me to continue my walk with the Lord.  The men though, blew me away! They were what Anne of Green Glables referred to as “Kindred Spirits.”  I think I need to further explain this: I live in a state known for its liberal point-of-view. For example, I went on a date where the man felt the need to express (on our first date) that if we were to continue dating I needed to be comfortable being around drugs because he loved smoking pot!  Maybe that’s why I stopped dating (SMILE).  My friend jokingly said that I had to give him credit for his honesty (LOL).

Some of the awesome People I met 

Any-who, back to kindred spirits…  It’s in the little things.  They showed up bright and early every morning for mass and every evening for adoration…  I am always getting lost (I was born without a compass); one day I thought I had boarded the wrong ferry and one of the fellows overcame his shyness to make sure that I got to my destination safely.  During our short interaction I saw a living Jesus in all of his caring actions.  In that brief moment, God revealed that there are men out there as scarce as they might be that can become my one-and-only if I am open to His will. 

My terrific roommate

During the late nights I had the opportunity to chat with God, outside in the terrace of the cruise ship.  The wind would caress my face and the infinite night consumed me in its embrace.  Throughout these prayer sessions, God in His omnipotence began to reshape my thoughts about marriage.  He began showing me that He always gives more than one can ever ask for.  That He created someone for me and I needed to trust Him.  I began to pray for God to help me hear and recognize His voice and to be docile to the inspirations of the Holy Spirit in ALL of my life, especially this new area (romantic life) that he was asking me to hand over to Him... When in your pride you think that you can’t grow anymore or that God has your all - He swoops in and lovingly shows you that you are a work in progress.  

I guess it's no surprise that I will be going to the 2014 Cruise (God willing).

My Catholic Upbringing

My parents returned from a mini holiday, visiting grandma for the past two weeks, and my mother brought back some old pictures she found in our house in Mexico.  I was super excited about the mementos because childhood pictures of my siblings & I are quite rare, somehow mom never thought of capturing her kids in photographs.  In the small stack she brought back were pictures of me receiving my sacraments and I just had to share!  

My Baptism & Confirmation were celebrated on the same day, when I was but a babe with chunky arms, as noted in the picture.

During Kindergarten, in my Catholic School, I was chosen as Mother Mary for the Christmas play. I was so shy that on the day of the performance I started to cry during the production and everyone thought I was acting Mother Mary’s labor pains so I got a lot of praise for it (SMILE). I also remember having a crush on the kid who played Joseph secret I was going to take to my grave!

 My Communion was such a special day! I remember I was a little over six-years-old, I was so excited about wearing a puffy white dress (even though it doesn’t seem like it in the picture).  My sister and mom prepared me for months for an interview the parish priest administered to see if I was mature enough to receive the Sacrament.  Mom was adamant that I receive the Sacrament and complete my Catholic Rites of Initiation before we moved to California.

Joseph is cute isn't he LOL

I am a girl with an old soul, and I have a passion for vintage and these pictures are my small legacy.  My parents are minimalists, when they got married they didn’t even have wedding bands (they still don’t wear rings)!  I always dreamt of receiving an heirloom that I could then pass on to the next generation, but judging by my parents distaste for jewelry - that’s not happening (SMILE).  But it doesn’t matter because now I have pictures!

Christening of My Blog

When I started writing this blog, I just wanted to get through the hurdle of getting started.  Not much thought went to the name or the look of it because I seriously thought that I wouldn't be able to publicly declare the thoughts that have since been published.  After much prayer, I realize that this is a vehicle I can use to evangelize even if only one reader ever comes across these scribbles...

Blooper: my dog & nephew fooling around as I tried to be creative :) 

Commitment is such a terrifying action in my world, but once I take the plunge I give it my all. So this Sunday, I called my computer-genius friend and asked her to help me remodel my blog. After a few hours she took my vision and turned it into a reality.  Hope you like it!

Debating what to use as my header.

Names are important and thus I went with "In My Shoes" because these are personal narratives of what life looks through my eyes - and I love shoes!  I also decided that I needed a patron saint and believe it or not there's a saint for shoe cobblers, Saint Crispin - (which I thought would be very fitting), but I love Saint Francis of Assisi so he will be my wing man here. Enjoy!

Man Wanted

The other day my friend asked the loaded question: "what are you looking for in a man?"

I started listing adjectives: “Humility, intelligence, caring, generous, traditional, must love the outdoors and animals, mature, strong in faith – a handyman: someone who can build me a shoe rack, that’s important!” Then I laughed because seriously I don’t have a clue.

I’m attracted to “real” men, like the ones that I have been around in my lifetime. For example, my father, he’s always getting his hands dirty in house projects like painting, gardening, repairing… He’s the patriarch - takes care of everyone, is the provider and is the man of the family. He’s earned our respect so much so that we don’t mind following him and seeking him for help. His actions always speak louder than his words. He’s extremely loyal & faithful. His family is his priority and he is utterly in love with mom. He’s a sweetheart – to this day I am his “Chompi” or “Willy” (the baby names that he’s given me all of my life) and my mother is his “honey.”

Dad giving me a big hug on graduation day!

I’m also attracted to intelligent men, the type that don’t mind reading a book or two every now and then, like my brother (in heaven), he and I were the bookworms of the family. We loved getting into theoretical discussions about a bunch of nonsense… He would also accompany me everywhere because we had the same interests in common. I love the theatre, film, books, the outdoors and music.

I don’t want a prince charming because their identity is stripped, not even being worthy of a name (so sad).  I want an imperfect man – but one that is perfect for me and complements my weaknesses.  Someone firm in his faith because I tend to be a Thomas (disciple known for his doubts). And my momma always stressed that the man should make the first move (SMILE) so that’s important.  A philosopher once said that when looking for a partner to share the rest of your life with, the most important quality is to be able to have exciting conversations, because once everything else fades that’s all we will have.  My parents, in their mature age, are constantly laughing, so maybe there’s some truth to that (WINK). 

To be honest, I don’t invest a lot of imagination into my future spouse because I know God knows best and I want His will not mine. But I do believe that He equips us with these invisible antennas that if we hush our lives we can hear the signal loud enough to follow His will…

There you have it... If you know of a man that fits that description send him my way (WINK).

On Humility

There’s nothing more attractive than humility. Once, a pastor asked the following question during a full service, “whoever thinks himself humble, please stand up?” Quite a few people proudly stood up (smile). 

Some good reads & my Saint Francis plush.

 

Humility is so fragile that as soon as you think you have it, poof, it’s gone. Am sure that if one was to go back in time and ask Saint Francis of Assisi (who is the definition of humbleness) if he considered himself humble he would absolutely say no, but we don’t have to travel back in time… Today if we were to ask Pope Francis (who took the name of my beloved saint) his answer would be the same resonating no. It’s not something a person can own up to nor claim because the moment one does - one loses it.  It’s a virtue that is given by our heavenly father. 

My nephew & I being silly!

Yet, it is easily recognizable.  It's so evident in children, that's why Jesus' exhorted us to become like little ones.  The other day my nephew came into my room and had a huge smile on his face, "look tia, this pencil is so huge, it's so cool, right."  He was holding one of those big pencils that my sister found at the 99 Cent Store.  For the rest of the day he greeted everyone he came across with a chuckle and a show & tell of his beloved object.  I want to always marvel at little things, no matter how much I grow-up - may my sensibility to be astounded never fade.  

Saint Francis watching my hairy baby!

 

Today I took my dog on a four-mile walk and I noticed that his tail always salutes the the air and his face is overtaken by a satisfied grin.  Ordinary things make him so happy, like a smelly bush or a fallen leaf in his path - or that taunting squirrel that always makes him launch as if maybe this time he will capture it.  When I come home, he receives me with quite an enthusiastic performance... 

Someday I hope to be as humble as my six-year-old nephew or even my dearest dog.

Pilgrimage for Peace

On Saturday my old parish (Saint Barbara in Santa Ana) organized a pilgrimage to one of the liturgical sites for the “Year of Faith,” Mission San Juan Capistrano.  As, an answer to Pope Francis' call to prayer for Syria and for world peace, at 3pm the Hispanic Community boarded nine buses and prayerfully headed to JSerra Catholic High School where our group of five-hundred people unloaded the buses.  Our parish priest organized the group and we began our one-hour journey to the mission.  As we walked we prayed the rosary, Father read the Joyful Mysteries and a group of young adults with instruments in hand lead us singing hymns after each one.

Unloading the buses

Gathering the multitude

Getting my rosary ring ready.

 

The hour long prayerful procession gave me the opportunity to publicly declare my zeal for my Catholic faith, for prayer and for God while receiving indulgences and praying for the world!  Each step that I took reminded me of the great blessing it is to be an American Citizen and be able to march for my faith peacefully.  At the same time, being lost in a sea of faithful felt like I was in Mexico where it’s typical for pueblitos to have a few pilgrimages during the span of a year.

 

The kids getting their instruments ready.

Father giving us instructions 

Beginning our Pilgrimage

 

We were a beautiful sight to see. Curious crowds came out of their homes to see us.

It was a terribly hot day when we met at Santa Barbara Parish, but just like God provided a cloud of shelter in Exodus, when we started our pilgrimage beautiful cumulus clouds appeared shading us from the sun and a cool breeze accompanied them.  No one passed out of heat stroke because God is good. 

Arriving at the Basilica

Inside the Basilica

We finally made it to Mission Basilica where Father celebrated mass while the sun set.

Sun  setting as we arrive.

What a great experience!

My Minds Mischief

Continuing with my fashion rant… I have a shoe collection, that sounds better than a shoe addition, right?  Currently I have over 100 pairs of shoes, 75% of which are 4 inches or higher.  They are a mix of high-end street brands and designer shoes, though I have downsized a bit donating some to Working Wardrobes.  I am not sure how I started collecting, but  if you know a thing or two about bipolar disorder then you know that we are impulsive shoppers.  When a manic phase comes, the credit cards and checkbooks make an appearance and off to the stores we go.  In the past, it was typical for me to buy three or more pairs of shoes at once.  I cruised through malls buying every shoe I thought “pretty” even if they were so uncomfortable that I couldn’t walk in them (and returning was never an option).  This problem made me end up with  many pairs that I never even wore and they just sat in my closet gathering dust – but knowing they sat in my closet made me happy.  In addition, I got myself in trouble maxing out my credit cards and spending all of my savings. 

It’s hard to describe what happens in a manic state, but all of your inhibitions go out the window.  That caution voice that helps you make wise choices drowns  away by an intense, euphoric restlessness.  My over-active mind creates all these ambitious plans and ideas that in the moment seem sensible.  But, after a high phase I am left with the consequences and shock that once again the vicious cycle repeated.
 

Treatment has help regulate this problem as has my faith: “A certain ruler asked him, Good teacher what must I do to inherit eternal life?…Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven…” Luke 18:18-22  Jesus’ words challenge us to live simply. 

How is having over one-hundred pairs of shoes living simply?  It’s not. Gosh, if  I had been the rich, young man in the above scripture I too would have failed miserably!  There has been progress though… The shoes that I buy now are generally found at thrift stores, eBay and yard sales - which means I spend very little on them.  I also make sure that they are wearable before I commit to a pair.  Learning to anticipate and dominate the manic phases has controlled the urge to over-spend.  Also, learning more about my faith challenges me daily to administer my money wisely.  As well as, displaying my shoes like one would exhibit art helps my mind visually understand the amount of shoes that I have.

 

Recently I read about a man who collected vintage dresses for his wife, in his lifetime he has accumulated over fifty-thousand dresses!  Now that's a bit extreme! Though, I don't blame him because "the hobby of collecting includes seeking, locating, acquiring, organizing, cataloging, displaying, storing and maintaining whatever items are of interest to the individual collector." Aren't those action words plain fun! After all, there should be some amusement in ones' life, right? ... Cover your ears Saint Francis!

 

 

Embrace Yourself!

A couple of years ago, I read Rediscovering Catholicism by Matthew Kelly, in his book he makes a neat observation: saints didn’t go around trying to be like others, rather they sought to be more “them” in Christ. For example, Saint Francis of Assisi didn’t waste his efforts trying to be more like one of his contemporaries, he lived each moment trying to be more “Francis.”  He found his success in being more the man God created him to be instead of trying to be a bad imitation of someone else.  I found that idea refreshing.  God created me to be the best Penny to embrace my Penny-ness to the fullest and in doing so attain holiness.  Where does this Penny-ness come from? God of course! 

Me gusta la naturaleza mucho! 

I love a cartoon of a man looking at his reflection in the mirror and Christ being the one staring back at him. 

There's hope for us, yet!

 

God tells us that we are uniquely made –let me repeat that there is no replication of you!  You are the only one of your kind!  He does; however, invite us to change, to become more us. So remember that beloved yearbook phrase: “Have a nice summer and don’t ever change.” Discard that, throw it in the trash where it belongs and embrace change, embrace your distinct, godly you-ness everyday.

I am extremely attracted to people that have a mastering of language and can communicate in poetic prose or are articulate in their choice of diction… But if I were to try to speak in that manner I’d sound pretentious and pompous.  I am a California girl a synonym to casual.  And I was born and raised in a modest home so am plebeian by nature. In addition, this is my favorite of all - English is my second language (SMILE).  Thus, my relaxed use of language is embracing my Penny-ness.  Simple words sound natural coming out of my mouth, or so I think (SMILE).  That’s what I try to transmit here on my blog my simplicity.  I am no theologian PHD - I am just this ordinary girl trying to communicate my passion for God & Catholic Faith. Or as some would say, “just  keeping  it real dawg! Love, Peace and Hairgrease!" Ok, now I am just being silly (SMILE)...  
 

Wearing My Heart on My Sleeve

I think like most women, I love fashion.  I enjoy getting creative with the way I dress particularly shoes!  When I was growing up my sister and I watched beauty pagents and I remember being mesmerized because she would draw the gowns on an art pad to later recreate for herself to wear.  We lived in a small town and she was quite popular for her fashion sense... Watching her create, built in me a knack for detail and love of pretty things.  However, my mother regulated the way we dressed and how we styled our hair until we were fifteen, when in the Mexican culture girls become women.  She made sure to instill modesty in our formative years creating a strong foundation so that by the time we were allowed to venture on our own we would have a strong compass.

We journey through life in so many ways, and our style too evolves.  I remember when I graduated high school I felt so grown-up and started dressing very provacatively only to soon realize that the guys I was attracting were not guys I was attracted to.  They objectified women, only wanting a throphy to show off. Then, when I fell in love and was in a loving relationship that brought another change. I became more confident and took risks with my wardrobe until finding a balanced medium of self-expression...  But it wasn't until I fell for God, that I truly found my style.

Maria Felix

 

"Do not adorn yourselves outwardly by braiding your hair, and wearing gold ornaments or fine clothing; rather, let your adorment be the inner self with the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

Dolores Del Rio

 

I still love fashion and think of it as wearable art, but something happened I went back to that compass that my mother had given me in my youth.  Today, I am learning to dress in a way that makes my creator smile.  Also, I learned to be less vain, I can leave my house without make-up and dressed rather simply and still know my self-worth.  A month ago, I was at The Ranch and my country-dancing-loving-friend said, "look that group over there must be Christian because the girls are modestly dressed."  Wouldn't that be awesome if others by looking at us new we were one of the faithful (smile).