When I was
a little girl, growing up in a culture of telenovelas gave me reign to create
these great fantasies about my future romantic life. I dreamt of marrying a charro on a horse who would come and sweep me away into a
passionate life - as mariachi songs and fireworks sent us off into a new world
of perfect happiness. As a child, my
dreams were only of the conquista (wooing)
and the wedding, but they never went on to create epic stories of life after
the horse ride. I guess even in my naïveté
I knew that ordinary life was a thing that happened only to ordinary people-
and my dreams were Mexican fairytales full of honor, chivalry and extraordinary
people and events. As I grew into adolescence
and my college years many hours were spent with my friends watching romantic comedies-
and again I found myself reducing love to a strong emotion with little depth
and concept of reality.. Yet, love
happens every day- it’s not a special dress that is only worn on Sundays. When I became a Christian I realized that my idyllic
notions of love only scratched the surface of this most beautiful gift given to
us by God. I wish I could say that witnessing
and understanding God’s sacrificial, REAL love immediately erased these erroneous,
self-centered, superficial notions of my childish understanding of love, but I
had to painfully grow out of it.
As I sat
with God trying to work together on an adult vision of what I want from
romantic love- I realized that romance and wooing are not as important as I
originally thought. According to extensive research, in a relationship
that honors God there must be three things that will increase the success of
the partnership:
Spiritual Unity: The
bible talks about not being unequally yoked- meaning that we should look for a
partner that practices our faith and believes what we believe because we want a
person who will motivate and encourage us to continue our walk with God.
Same Purpose: A common phrase I hear among single Catholics
is, “I want a person who will help me get to heaven.” This is a common purpose; working together in
honoring God and in personal (and mutual) sanctification.
Everyone should want a partner that is going to inspire and help during
our moments of dryness and weakness; and, a partner who will encourage us
daily.
Emotionally Healthy: Healthy people create healthy
relationships. So look for someone and
be someone with:
- No Uncontrolled Anger
- No Addictions
- No Bitterness
- No Selfishness
- No Greediness
Look for someone who is generous, kind, honest- emotionally healthy and has integrity (and be that type of person too). God gave us
a heart, but also a brain to use - especially in romantic love. Attraction is important – you should be physically
attracted to your significant other. Romance,
too, is a tool God gave us to celebrate mutual love. Nevertheless, our love and
our decision to choose another person for the rest of our lives needs to be based
on more logical reasons.
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