Penance Service

Last night my parish hosted a beautiful Lenten Penance Service and I took the opportunity to confess and get right with God as a beginning step to my Lenten experience.  As I sat and poured my little heart to Father I didn’t expect his positive response.  Before I continue, when I began my spiritual journey I was at an Evangelical church and confession was done between God and I without the need of a priest.  When I returned to the Catholic faith of the many areas of confusion the Sacrament of Reconciliation was one that I was a little iffy about.  I just didn’t understand the Catholic process of confession.  It was just way more comfortable to confess in the confines of my room directly to God, now doing so through the guidance of a priest took a little more effort.  I had to do an examination of conscience before I went into the confessional and I had to learn the ritual.  Still to this day I get so nervous before I go in, but coming out always feels so much better than anytime I confessed by my own direction.  Back to last night- I was sharing with Father that I had given to my despair in the last month and that I had doubted God’s presence in my life.  Then we had such a great uplifting conversation.

“Do you suffer from depression?” He asked.

“I am bipolar.”

“Ah, so you deal with both extremities, the high and lows.  I suffer from depression myself and am on medication for it.  Are you taking your medication regularly?”

“Yes, I am,” I replied.  

We talked a bit more before he  said, “you know this is a cross God has given you, to carry and to humble you. Stay committed to your treatment and rely on God for everything.  And know that you are my sister and I am your brother and I will pray for you.” Then he gave me my penance and blessing.

I felt so special after that experience.  My weaknesses were redeemed.  I never looked at my disability as a cross – in fact I didn’t really see bipolar having a purpose in my life other than it being a great challenge.  But God choose me to carry this cross – He singled me out to humble me.  To help me recognize my creatureliness and Himself as Creator.  A huge smile appeared on my face, when God gives us His vision to replace our distorted point-of-view miracles happen (SMILE). Father’s admittance that he too suffers from depression also had a healing effect in the sense that even leaders of the church deal with psychological challenges.  It’s not a lack of faith or weakness in Christian character to suffer from depression, but trust that God can redeem anything for His glory is essential.