I was
congratulating my friend the other day for completing a master’s degree, and
his response blew me away, “It’s no big deal, degrees are just a way of society
recognizing that you stuck with something for a set period of time - anyone can
achieve that really.” He’s right success is just a matter of sticking with something
and persevering no matter the obstacles.
All great things require effort, perseverance and sacrifice. Love requires time, effort and to swallow our
pride… Today I want to share with you some really intimate thoughts about my
journey in romantic love. Growing up I
really had very little interaction with men, my mom raised us mostly on her
own. My world consisted of my mother and
sister. As I grew up I felt more
comfortable around women and I slowly developed a really timid persona around
men. I wasn’t allowed to date until
after high school so that continued my inexperience with men, and though I did
have a relationship that lasted six years after the break-up I needed to heal
and it took a couple years to move on (it being my first relationship and
having been for so long). After that I
went on a couple dates that never lead to anything. Soon, I had the greatest encounter with God
and for a few years I was contemplating religious life. I loved God so much and had been unsuccessful
with men that I thought maybe God wanted me completely for Him alone. Thus, I continued my walk with the Lord
filling my free time with study and service opportunities.
One day, I
was having lunch with Father and he suggested that I start discerning the marriage
vocation, “Penny, you are thirty-years-old I think it’s time to start placing yourself
in situations that might lead you to find your husband.” I was very happy being single and
was so busy inbetween my job, my social life and church ministries that his words
were almost shocking. I tried to defend
my single vocation and the joy I found in my state of life, but he
continued to tell me to just give it a try.
Obediently, I joined a young adult group at a parish closer to home. I had always worked with the Hispanic
Catholic Community so I thought maybe I would try learning my faith in
English. God placed opportunities before
me and soon I was active in a young adult ministry in English. There I met a friend who introduced me to the
Ave Maria Single cruises. She invited me to cruise with her and impulsively I signed up and waited for the day to travel
the seas.
During that
first cruise – I met so many Catholics on fire for God, who led similar
lifestyles and really challenged me to be a better me. On the last day- I didn’t want to return home
because I felt so close to God’s heart and so close to so many Catholics. On that last day I also met a man who blew me away-
he was smart, a strong Catholic, loved books and shy (just like I like ‘em
SMILE). We bonded, but slowly with the
realization of our geographical distances (states away) that didn’t work out. Though, it was a short lived romance I needed
time to heal and move on. Yet, that first cruise and meeting this man caused something inside me to click and I knew
that I wanted marriage and a family.
This realization was terrifying because my plans had always been to
foster and adopt children and dogs on my own.
This idea of loving the rejected gave me peace and I even had my
thirty-fifth birthday as a date to begin.
The cruise challenged my future plans and slowly as I felt more and more
drawn to marriage I began to pick books up on the subject… Since, God has done a lot of healing in my
heart and has opened my eyes to the true meaning of love. I believe that He hasn’t sent my one-and-only
because He has been preparing me for my man.
I am definitely
not the same person from that first cruise, I have grown a great deal in my
spiritual life and am more confident in my faith and proclaiming it. I have also changed a bit in my interaction
with men, though am still quite an amateur and still have difficulty having the
humility and vulnerability to show men I am interested. I don’t have much experience in courting or
dating am not sure how things are supposed to go or begin- though I have read
many books on the subject am still confused- possibly because I learn through
trial and error. All I know is that I like
to take things slow, but sometimes my flowery language and romantic spirit
confuses people. Yet, if you don’t give
up on me I won’t give up on you, but you have to make the move because I need
to practice waiting on the Lord.
Well said!
ReplyDeleteI live in the state of confusion :). Keep your faith strong, go to Mass, receive sacraments, and stay grounded and keep focused on the Lord, Things will progress properly in their own way.
I know you read Father Morrow's book. Me and my girlfriend discuss it. One thing in dating/courtship is to maybe take books such as that and discuss it with your girlfriend to get to know them. There is no magic correct answer in courtship/dating.
A Masters Degree is truly no big deal. Factors can make it a bigger deal to others. For instance, I am the first in the family w/ a Masters. I would say its not the degree that makes the person but rather ones experiences.
Example, I have two co-workers. One just has a high school education, was in total poverty, and through our programs got out of it. She then has become a national certified results oriented Management Accountability (ROMA) trainer. She also had the privilege of living in other parts of the world (Germany) and the experience with that.
My other co-worker who came on in May I was intimidated by. The reason I say that is because they graduated from YALE. When I think of Yale (good or bad) I think of highly intellectual, cultured folks, with glasses, who are very knowledgable. When I found out about his degreee, I started modifying my office space.
After 7 plus years at ACAAA, I finally put my college accomplishments on the wall. Formerly, I did not because I shared the space for seven years with someone who never went to college and wanted to stay humble.
However, I struggle with confidence and got nervous. The weeks before he came on I moved to the back of the room (seniority; my co-worker got her own office), and put my diplomas on the wall because I felt that I should be open about my accomplishments and not be intimidated or feel that folks might be intimidated by my degree just because some in our network do not have one.
So anyway, I have been pleasantly surprised over the past 8 months as I have slowly gotten to know him.
Having gone to Yale I thought he would have studied overseas. I find out he has never been outside of Arkansas.
When I brought in a photo of me and my girlfriend from the Old Mill, he saw it where is that photo at?
Now my co-worker has lived in Little Rock his whole life and the Old Mill is in North Little Rock four miles across the river. The Old Mill is seen in the opening credits of Gone With the Wind.
He did not recognize it and did not know it was in North Little Rock. I said (and I should have bit my tongue :) I just was in disbelief) you never have been and do not know where the it is? Is that serious (paraphrasing)? He said yes and I said you should get familiar with the surroundings and sites.
I thanked him for sharing this with me. I mentioned my adventures in Spain, Stonehenge, and working/exploring Taiwan, and indicated that he reminded me not to stereotype (Yale = well-traveled; overseas study, etc.) and that I must remember that just because you went to Yale, it does not mean you traveled abroad. However, getting a degree from that school is held in high regard (well that's how it is portrayed) and is not easy to get so that is a awesome accomplishment. I said thank you it reminds me to not stereotype.
So anyway, my point is I have a co-worker who traveled the world with military family, fell into poverty, recovered, and is a nationally recognized trainer but has NO COLLEGE whatsoever and the other co-worker went to YALE but never traveled outside Arkansas.
Point being experiences in life define who you are and what you make of life and when it comes down to it, while a diploma is nice, it is just a piece of paper and true knowledge comes from life experiences :). Well said!
Reminds me of quote that I hold dear to my heart, "My mother said I must always be intolerant of ignorance but understanding of illiteracy. That some people, unable to go to school, were more educated and more intelligent than college professors." Maya Angelou
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