I Shall Not Want

“The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want…” When I first began attending biblical studies and lectures I was baffled by the way many of the speakers spoke: their vocabulary was strange (they used all these terms that I had no idea what they meant) and they talked about God in a really personal way… Every time one of the speakers would share that in prayer God spoke to him I would imagine God coming down from heaven and speaking with a human voice. And as I began to pray I waited and waited to hear the voice of God spoken from the heavens- but it never came. Slowly I began to understand that God rarely speaks in this way… This week God has spoken to me by presenting Psalm 23 throughout my life- I heard it at Sunday Mass, during my retreat on Saturday, as I was praying with Saint Francis yesterday- among other times this week… I have been a little blue lately- mostly because I like a man a lot- and I get impatient wanting to know how he feels about me. Nothing has been established between the two of us- our relationship is not even at a level where we have active communication- our messages are scare and usually initiated by me. Then getting all this info from Boy Meets Girl that the man should always pursue totally hit me in the face and I panicked. But as I sought God for guidance I realized that every case of two is unique- the messages I have sent this person and the attention that I have given him haven’t violated any Christian courting principle- I am not asking him on a date I am simply trying to get to know him and show him I am interested! Yet, as I reflected on all this material that I have been reading and my actions I began to get really confused and anxious- and I sought quiet and God’s direction. Psalm 23 is what God has given me specifically the first verse: “The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want…” 

I have saturated my Facebook page trying to open up and show this person who I am in hopes he will notice me and I have reached out to him many times in messages. I have prayed and waited on the Lord and while I was hoping that my wait would bring me this man – I have received these comforting words, “The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want…” If life were a performance who would you be performing for? All this time I had been dancing trying to get this person to notice me and over the weekend God redirected my focus to Him. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted- and in God we have ultimate, unconditional, patient love and acceptance.  We were made to perform and to dance- but to do so for the Lord – that is worship. All this time I was trying to impress this person and I felt like I was failing terribly… And the thing is that when we want to perform and worship for others it will always be unsatisfying and painful because we were made to worship only the one,perfect Father in heaven. 

“The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want…” Nine words with the power to zap our selfishness and redirect our focus to the One that has promised us that He is enough! If we have Him we shall not want. If I have Him I shall not want. There’s still a bit on insecurity trying to calm this desire for romantic love – especially as another year goes by- BUT God promises that He will provide and I shall not ever be left wanting. Right now He’s showing me to, “not awaken love before it so desires.” This dance with the Lord is serious business (smile) and as a weak human I constantly need His redirection and leadership... As Thanksgiving approaches lets be thankful for what we have and for what we are yet to receive (SMILE). To reflect and tattoo this beautiful image in our minds and in our hearts, “The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want…”

An aside: 

Out of ten lepers only one returns to thank Jesus- let us imitate this leper and praise God this Thanksgiving for what He has given and what He was denied.  If we are having trouble or are new to giving thanks, here's a short video that I hope inspires you, God's love and Happy Thanksgiving!

Love is Always the Answer

Once in a while when I have a Saturday free from any planned activity I like to spend my morning on retreat with God at a holy site...  I put on Christian music in my car and place before me the fullness of possibilities that remain in the Lord personally for me and off I go…  This past Saturday I went in search of some spiritual and mental rest as I made my way to the newly Catholic - Christ Cathedral.  There in the arboretum, chapel and walking the grounds I drifted from self into contemplation and meditation of my Creator...  I tend to be an extremely emotional person (we bipolar people tend to be so); yet, as I sat in silence just enjoying the solitude in front of the parish altar I felt God calling me higher.  I felt the great need to open the Bible and as I did I came across scripture that deals with allowing God’s light to shine in and through us.  One part of a verse just captivated me, “Lest the light in you be darkness…” And upon those seven words I reflected.  The more I softly repeated each word, the deeper each word engraved in my soul- and the more I felt God asking me to start showing joy especially when my emotions and my thoughts are darkened by troubles and tribulations. 

“How,” I asked, “can I smile when my heart is hurting?”

 

And slowly faces of my loved ones began to invade my mind. 

“Love all of them,” He replied. “Think of how you can serve each and do it- especially when you are hurting and anxious.” 

I thanked Him for this simple revelation and as I went into the chapel to pray my thanksgiving song a group of people also walked in to pray two rosaries. As a community, in the tongue I delight (Spanish), I joined them in prayer.

As I walked the grounds on the way to my car I took pictures of the familiar, powerful statues depicting milestones in the life of Jesus or powerful Old Testament narratives.  Again, I found myself contemplating each massive statue with new fascination.  I had visited the cathedral when it belonged to a protestant group and when I was shopping around for a church to start attending after I left the evangelical church.  I even took a bible study class onsite and helped lead prayer during a large church event.  I also saw the world-famous yearly theatrical production of "The Christmas Story" that the cathedral used to hold.  In addition, during Christmas of 2006 my parents and I went to their Christmas Eve midnight service- and though the ceremony was really spectacular my parents asked me to give the Catholic Church a try.  For even with all the splendor, the entertaining speakers and the snow falling from the glass ceilings finale the Eucharist was not there.  But what stirred me away that night was that the famous Argentine preacher spoke ill about Catholics and I thought a true follower (especially a leader) of Christ never speaks negatively about others.  Maybe that moment of weakness and pride in Pastor Gebel was what God used to point me home.  Now years later and just a tad bit more grown in God- I smiled at the irony.  This magnificent building ended becoming part of my universal home.  I felt this strong sense of closure between my former self and this being that craves for nothing more than mas de Dios (smile).     

I share this with you my friends (who at times sadness and self-pity want to overtake and bring us down) remember that God gave us the entire human population to love and as Saint John of the Cross taught, “Where there is no love- put love in- and you will find love.” (SMILE)  Love is always the answer, lest the light in you be darkness…

You have called me higher You have called me deeper 

And I will go where You lead me Lord...

Love One Another

The Epistles are some of my favorite books in the Bible. I especially have an affinity to letters to the Corinthians and Romans. As I have been studying Christian courtship these last couple of weeks I realize that in my excitement to share some of the things I have learned - I forgot to allow these ideas to first fester in my mind. To test them and sift the real meaning out this philosophy on dating with a purpose. In addition, to reading the book on courtship, I have also been studying scripture and have been listening to audio studies- all on love. Today, I want to trust you with what is in my heart, the profound attitudes of my being and as we near Thanksgiving I also want to look at giving. This is the season to be extra thankful, but also a time to be extra giving. I want to look at giving in the light of love. I have been meditating on “let love be genuine… be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above ourselves.” All love is genuine and perfectly personal. Yet, sometimes we cheapen it by spending more time trying to protect ourselves from being hurt and looking to be loved instead of actually loving others. We place conditions and allow our emotions to dictate who we love. The people that make us feel good or the ones that we get a lot from are usually the ones we open our hearts and our lives to. Yet, the greatest commandment is to love everyone! Love God and love your neighbor- Christianity is really that simple: a saint is someone who only has love in his/her heart!  

God tells us that He is present when love is shared among us. No one has seen God, but when two people manifest their love for one another God is there! Yet, we complicate love with our fears and insecurities... God doesn’t tell us love only your significant other- He tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves- that means love everyone- equally. Yet, in Christian circles men and women put up all these walls in an attempt to protect their hearts. Some won’t talk to people of the opposite sex for fear that the person will get the wrong idea. Others won’t talk to each other for fear that gossip will spread- yet God tells us to love one another in brotherly love. Love others as you would your brother or sister. Let me ask you: do brothers and sisters go to lunch together; do they talk to one another; do they send messages to one another; do they do things together? Of course they do- that builds and fortifies the relationship! At the singles conference I went to earlier in the year, a man came up to me to dance. After dancing a few songs with him I thanked him and went on my merry way- until a sister-in-Christ stopped to ask me if I liked him? I politely told her he was dancing alone on the dance floor and that he had attended the conference alone and I was showing kindness. During the same conference another man danced with me and held my hand as we danced and again another sister-in-Christ came up to me and asked me if we had exchanged numbers since he held my hand for so long- he was holding my hand because we were taking dance lessons! Another time I was trying to encourage a male friend who had just gotten out of a relationship to continue coming to church activities fearing he would leave the faith and I felt the stare of everyone in our young adult community upon me. Am sure I am not alone in this unhealthy curiosity some Catholics have over our love lives. I believe there’s a great need to be converted in the Catholic realm so we understand that friendships between men and women in the church are pleasing to God and not all will be romantically based.

I myself need to be converted in love probably more than anyone. I need to put my pride aside and genuinely love others without fearing that they will get the wrong idea through my friendliness. I also need to learn to calm my heart and enjoy love one day at a time without losing my peace craving emotional intimacy with men too quickly. To allow friendships to develop at their pace and to trust that God is in control. Love is wanting the best for the beloved- yet, I forget this all the time and start thinking selfish thoughts like what am I getting out of this relationship? People are God’s most valued creation and just as He loved us (so much that He gave His Son for our salvation) we too need to be ready to sacrifice for the betterment of others. We need to learn to suffer and to love like He first loved us because love doesn't always feel good. A lot of the time love won’t feel good at all- in fact the more we love the more we die to self. Biblical love sounds more painful (than pleasurable) and no easy feat, but to love and to be loved gives our life oxygen.

Last night I went to confession at Saint John the Baptist Catholic Church and they have this beautiful mural at the front of the parish. Jesus is life size and 3D and as I meditated on this most beautiful image I closed my eyes and felt Jesus reaching down and caressing my face. Feeling his hand upon my cheek I felt my body warmly covered in His love. Earlier I had been praying with Saint Francis and I had been meditating on holy foolishness and the more I consider it the more I want to be a fool in love. I want to love others without allowing my pride, my fear or what others might murmur to have any effect on my actions. I want to love without seeking to be loved even when it hurts- because if I should only seek love's pleasure I am unworthy of love. God is such a patient teacher and though I pass through the shadow of death I will fear no evil; but, remain firm in His love which forgives all, hopes all and wants to always leave self and bless others. Let’s give love this thanksgiving and be thankful that God gave us such a beautiful and holy capacity.

God’s Got This

In late January, I am flying to Houston to spend some time with my cruise angels before we embark on our third cruise.  This time I am going just to spend time with my girls and to be with God in the middle of the ocean.  My friends convinced me to join them as our annual meet-up…  So much has happened since the first time I traveled with Ave Maria Singles and am in such a happy place in my life.  As you might recall the first cruise revealed this deep, hidden desire in me to be a wife and crave family life.  The second helped me rely on God and depend on Him for sustenance (smile).  Though I vowed that the second cruise had been my last- mis amigas did a fine job convincing me of going one more time; thus, I finally signed up after their relentless pressure gave me no other option than to do so (smile).  Thus, am looking forward after the holidays to go on a weeklong sea retreat, am sure there is still space available so if you want to join us there’s still time.

The first time I went on the singles cruise, meeting so many young Catholics with similar values and lifestyles really inspired my faith.  I returned home with a greater desire to follow God and after a lot of prayer I finally got the courage to start this blog.  Sharing my faith in this space has helped me so much.  Through it I have been able to organize a lot of my beliefs and to finally open up publically in regards to my faith.  It has enabled me to try evangelizing in a manner that is true to me without being forceful; rather highlighting what God has done and is doing in my life.  And the response I have gotten from people reading has been such a blessing and a motivator to continue writing.

The second time I went on the cruise I went with ulterior motives and it was such a challenge to accept the will of God when it went against my greatest desires.  I also had a horrible roommate situation, which really challenged my enjoyment; but I offered my struggles to God and was able to get through the week.  This, second trip solidified the friendships that I began with Houston and Guadalajara (AKA my cruise angels) the previous year and we became close sisters-in-Christ.  I learned a great deal about romantic love and discovered that am pretty courageous and a bit foolish in love- or as the great Austen would say, “we are all fools in love.”  Yet, I was happy that though I went with the desire re-connect with someone that I held close to my heart – I returned with a “no” and not a “what if.” 

As I approach this third time- I really have no romantic notions for going my two motives are to reunite with my friends who I miss dearly and to spend time with God – just the two of us.  My heart right now is in California, and while realistically I don’t see it going anywhere (not for lack of trying, simply I think again I have placed my eyes on someone who doesn’t feel the same way) that’s the status.  Maybe the weeklong vacation will help take away these unrequited feelings and fill me more with God.  So much so that the hurt will disappear and in its place more of God will remain (smile).  Another year has gone by and I am still single with zero prospects, but am finally happy and at peace knowing that I am not in control- but that God’s got this (WINK).       

Boy Meets Girl

I bought Boy Meets Girl, a book on Christian courtship in hopes of getting some good godly council.  I have been slowly reading it trying to reflect on the various points the book makes on dating with a purpose.  Though I have read material in the past on the topic I have found this book extremely helpful.  A few things have caught my attention and though they seem like common sense items sometimes we need them pointed out to see more clearly.  The following are some of the highlights that I would like to share with you because I think they will help you as much as they have helped me in this single-hood walk (wink).  

• Marriage- “Courtship is a season for two people to grow in friendship, to get to know each other’s character and to see how they interact as a couple… It’s a time to consider the possibility of marriage and to seek to make a wise choice… Some courtships end with marriage and others with two people deciding to be friends.”

• Patience- There’s a reason that the famous verse of First Corinthians begins with “love is patient.”  Enjoy it, don’t rush.  Love is something that happens over time and marriage is one of the most important decisions that you will ever make- thus, pace yourselves. “We are to treat each other with holiness and sincerity and to make an informed and wise decision about marriage.”

• Intentional Communication- Taking your time in courtship is wise, but don’t assume that a long courtship means that you are communicating well.  Be curious about your significant other ask them questions, study them and learn as much as you can about them, “communication doesn’t just happen it’s something that you have to plan for and work at.”

• Guard your Hearts- While romance is not the first priority of courtship showing that you are sincerely interested in one another needs to take place.  A man should guard a woman’s heart, but through his actions show her he really likes her because sometimes his reserve can be interpreted as lack of interest.  

• Let God Lead-   Follow and trust our Lord.  Sometimes He will reveal someone who you have known awhile, but never saw in a romantic light.  Other times He will bring someone completely new into your life.  Believe in Him trusting that He who created you knows best.  He’s the only one that knows the who, the how and the when of your love story.

I am only half way through the book and am looking forward to sharing my new found knowledge (in the upcoming posts) in hopes that all these great tips help you maintain your peace and joy in the Lord (wink).

Let Go and Let God

Last week I came across a great find that has enabled me to finally let go and let God.  I have shared that the death of my brother was my initiation into Christian spirituality and his memory continues to impact the way I live my life.  Since, he parted I have been looking at things a bit too earthly and God through the grace of a book has revealed truths that have literally freed me!  Since I can remember I have thought of love as a choice simply made by me- but if I am living a godly life then I need to unite my choice to God’s will.  Though I never made a list of my ideal man – when I fell into attraction with the opposite sex my prayers suddenly became very specific, “I want him and I want him soon.” And time and again God said, “no, not him not now”- and for a while I was left with this uncertainty and doubt about God’s role in all of this.  I started to overanalyze God’s behavior and I began to doubt His ability to play cupid and began to rely mostly on my actions and my efforts.  I began to feel this great pressure and burden which caused me to lose my peace and joy.  I talked to a couple of my sisters-in-Christ about this change in me- this downcast, negative energy (close to desperation) and though their advice was superb it wasn’t until I heard it from a stranger in written language that God simultaneously revealed truths and freed me from the shackles of eccentricity. 

In my journey towards my one-and-only I had begun to carve a path where I wanted to lead God.  “This way, this is the man I want - follow me,”  and- time and again He said no because I wasn’t following Him!  Though the men that I have cared for in the past have all been godly men – God only knows why none were the way to my sanctification or my happiness (nor I to theirs).  Realizing that God has a plan and that God is not a God of confusion, but one whose promises have power; knowing that God will never allow me or my future Mr. Penny to miss out on each other and understanding that the man God created for me – the one He intends for me will pursue me because God will reveal and lead him towards me gave me such relief!  I finally surrendered to God my love life.  Today, I know for sure without a doubt that- God is my compass - my leader and I trust and believe in Him, with a strength and certainty that I didn’t have before (SMILE).  I refuse to waste more time yearning over the wrong man- until God tells me CLEARLY on my wedding day this is he who I give to you- my heart will be in God’s keeping.  There my heart will rest in peace and in joy.  And while I wait for my love – I will dedicate my time and mind to love all those that God has blessed my life with.  Service, study, prayer and preparation should keep me busy and in state of peaceful contentment while I wait on the Lord (smile). 

God is on our side :)

Love Is Patient

Last night I was reading a book that I just purchased and I realized that sometimes I go through books so quickly that I don’t enjoy or get as much out of them as I would if I slowed down.  I devour books in large quantities, last year alone I read over ninety books…   As my mind entertained this idea I realized that a lot of the time I am still extremely impatient in areas that I haven’t given God to transform.  I want to live at a fast pace much like I do in my reading- waiting sucks…  I read somewhere that God invented time so that He wouldn’t give us everything all at once (smile).  Usually time helps us to mature and through our growth we are better able to receive and care for our gifts.  In relationships, time plays an important role.  It guides us prudently with wisdom and reason.  The slow progression from acquaintance, friendship, courtship to marriage needs to come about at a pace that allows people to see past their emotions.  We need time to get to know each other truthfully beyond our romantic notions and discern through action and prayer God’s will.  Once we have discerned that we are ready for marriage then we are ready to pursue courtship.  After that step has been taken – one needs to learn to enjoy the various phases of the spouse discernment process.  I think for some of us- especially us romantic people- it’s hard almost unnatural to enjoy the beginnings without craving for more intimacy.   Yet, from experience- in matters of two, one needs to learn patience especially when it appears like nothing is happening, God is at work.  Much like grapevines in the winter seem dead in activity, yet underneath they are resting and storing their energy for spring.

I like a man and am currently praying for discernment.  In addition, I am praying for patience and the ability to enjoy the state I find myself in.  From the female perspective- it’s really difficult to wait on the man to take action.  It’s even harder to show interest without becoming overpowering and taking the lead in the relationship.  Harder still when there’s distance between the two of you, but from what I gather God loves challenges (smile).  Sometimes I write messages and then delete them because I think I am being too forward.  It’s just really difficult to find that balance between sending clear signals without taking the reign.  So, men if you think that we women have the easy role as the pursued – think again.  Waiting requires a lot of patience, hope and trust in the Lord…

Anyway, yesterday I picked up a book on courtship because I am still rather new to this area of husband discernment (smile).  I read a couple chapters and I put it down so that I would soak and meditate on what I had read.  The thing is that if I ever have a daughter I want to be able to tell her that I trusted God so completely that during the wait for her daddy I never lost my joy or my peace.  I want to be able to tell her that I enjoyed getting to know her daddy slowly following the will of God- with wisdom and calming of emotions.  That taking the time to know him as a friend, a boyfriend and eventually as my spouse was worth all the drops of patient sweat.  That her daddy was a man of honor, godly and that he took the time to protect my heart and love me slowly.  That just as God had protected and saved my future spouse and me for each other He would do the same for her.  That God’s original plan for romance as attacked by modern philosophy as it is- is a sure path towards true and lasting love… SMILE.            

Aim Above Morality

Soon after I learned to read I devoured the classics.  The Secret Garden and A Little Princess are some of my favorite childhood novels.  My soul found solace in period works.  Stories set in a time where morality was protected, valued and practiced by the majority fascinated me.  Tales expressing the value of community and of family overwhelmed my book list.  Those works saw life from the perception that I was brought up with.  I was born into a traditional, patriarchal family and my mom raised me in a manner that was no longer the norm of American society.  While my mom instilled high family values and love of God- I realized that most of my friends came from broken families and they had this “once I reach the legal age I will be emancipated from my family” mentality.  For a long time I felt like I was living in the wrong time period one too modern for my old soul…  As I grew up and education became my god I became more tolerant and accepting of the new world of individualism and relativism.  Yet, deep in the core of my being I held onto the person my mother carved early in my life- no matter how hard I tried to modernize - the classic female persona in me refused to die.  During some of the more liberal periods of my life- my high moral self, laid dormant. In hibernation I suppressed these antiquated values- and filled myself with modern philosophy. 

It wasn’t until I started participating in a church community that I realized that the values my mother passed on to me were more than just old human norms – they were Christian values.  As I opened myself to the will of God and started to accept and awake the high morality that my mother passed onto me I found self-acceptance and freedom.  God began to build onto that foundation and the more I studied Christian spirituality the more clear my life became.  I found purpose, direction and a ton of peace… Our young people are under attack- especially those who have a public education.  In schools they are learning values and teachings that go against our religion and if at home we are not doing our part to teach them the beauty of traditional values and Christian spirituality we are going to continue losing them… While I participated in the teen ministry- I realized that a lot of these kids no longer are getting spiritual nourishment at home.  They believe the philosophy that is being presented in their schools and by the time we get them at church the great majority have formed powerful notions about God and have reduced Him to a weak magician in a fairytale…  Am happy that at my parish we have a thriving teen ministry and leaders that really are devoted to leading kids towards an encounter with Christ.  Let’s join in prayer and in action to work for the Kingdom of God and to lead by example.  Let our actions speak the Truth and let our lives be testimonies of a living Christ- show a happy Jesus that revels in goodness and high morality. Let’s begin by practicing what we preach or as Saint Francis famously said, “Preach the gospel at all times, when necessary use words.”  The solution begins by evangelizing ourselves first...         

Redeeming Sensuality

Last night our parish youth minister put together a praise and worship night for all the young community, geared especially for teens.  As I knelt in front of the Blessed Sacrament I realized that our Catholic faith is very sensual.  In worship all of our being is submerged into prayer and connection with God.  We have the incense appealing to our sense of smell, the altar with lit candles and the monstrance carrying Christ (body, soul and divinity), powerful song and music enters our ears and leaves our lips, and we get to consume the body and blood of our Savior and King during the Eucharist.  I knelt in awe meditating on this idea that our church and God for that matter are the epitome of sensuality… One of my top love languages is physical touch- I love hugs and my hands and body seem to always be reaching towards others…  When I was studying early childhood development I read a study done in Russia about how babies that were not held physically were more likely to get sick and even perish.  My dog loves when I speak to him in a tone where I baby him- he doesn’t understand my words, but my loving tone always produces a wagging of tail and he’s always searching for my hands to caress him. Similarly, each of us is built with this innate desire to be loved in a way that involves all of our being.  It’s hard to think of our Catholic church as passionate and physical.  Sometimes in our ignorance we find the traditional forms of worship dated and boring- but when we come to know God and when we really commit ourselves to trust the ways of our church fathers this light begins to illuminate our minds with understanding. 

Sensuality needs to be redeemed.  When the word comes up it usually brings forth images of sexual immorality and desires of the flesh that believers must stomp and avoid.  The message that our whole selves including our sexual and carnal being are holy and part of God’s plan sometimes gets perverted.  Yet, as I knelt last night in front of the King of Kings I realized that the enemy has corrupted and twisted the beauty and definition of sensuality.  God is perfect love and He tells us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit.  If He craves to reside inside our bodies it’s because they are good- because the physical world is good.  He tries to reach us through all of our beings- a combination of spiritual and physical and when we can achieve this unity in prayer we get a glimpse of heaven. It’s such a dose of humility when I discover that God and our church fathers were in the right all along- and when I realize that the more I understand tradition the more I value and love it.     

Speak To Us On Love

Sometimes we all need a little encouragement and who better to encourage us than God.  I found this poem years ago written by Father Michel Quoist and it has become one of my favorite poems since…  I read it a few times a year to remind myself that God has it all planned and to renew my trust in Him.  Father Michel wrote this particular poem as part of his book, Prayers.  If you love words and language as much as I do then you will truly enjoy his book.  It has great spiritual poems that motivate, inspire and give hope.  They are profound in meaning and full of the presence of God (yet simple to understand) enjoy...   

Listen, son,

Stop,

and make, silently, a long pilgrimage to the bottom of your heart.

Walk by the side of your love so new, as one follows a brook to find

its source, and, at the very end, deep within you, in the infinite

mystery of your troubled soul, you will meet Me.

For I call myself Love, son,

And from the beginning I have been nothing but Love,

And Love is in you.

It is I who made you to love,

To love eternally;

And your love will pass through another self of yours

it is she that you seek;

Set your mind at rest; she is on your way,

on the way since the beginning,

the way of my love.

You must wait for her coming.

She is approaching.

You are approaching.

You will recognize each other,

For I’ve made her body for you, I’ve made yours for her.

I’ve made your heart for her, I’ve made hers for you.

And you seek each other, in the night,

In ‘my night,’ which will become Light if you trust Me.

Keep yourself for her, son,

As she is keeping herself for you.

I shall keep you for one another,

And, since you hunger for love,

I’ve put on your way all your brothers to love.

Believe me, it’s a long apprenticeship, learning to love,

And there are not several kinds of love:

Loving is always leaving oneself to go towards others. . .

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

Come As You Are

 
Sons And Daughters Band

A lot of the battles take place in our minds- sometimes our minds are enemy territory.  Especially for people like me who have mental disabilities… When I joined my first religious group, some of the members would tell me that if I had enough hope - God would heal me completely- no longer requiring therapy nor medication- and while I completely believe that God can heal me – I also know that sometimes He allows things to remain because He’s more concerned with our sanctification.  Yesterday, I had such a great conversation with my sister-in-Christ and God spoke to me through her in a way that shook all the sadness right out.  Suffering brings us to the cross and at the cross we can offer all of it to God in prayer for the needs of others.  In Christ our suffering serves a greater purpose (it is redeemed) it’s not pointless nor do we have to carry it.  We must however, make the decision to surrender - to trust that as bleak as life looks the sun will shine through the moment we lift our gaze away from self and into the hopeful face of God.  God is light and He will overcome any gloom, much like turning on a lamp triumphs over darkness.  Yet, it requires dominion of mind and complete confidence in God…

David Crowder

On Sunday, I went to a David Crowder concert- this song came on and the lyrics just jumped out: “earth has no sorrow that heaven can’t heal.” Isn’t that the truth! (Smile)  There’s nothing in this world that God cannot help out with, but we must stop asking why?  No answer will ever satisfy the “why” of pain- but when we learn to understand that God is allowing it for an important reason then suffering edifies and builds us into closer images of God.  Yesterday, I was walking through Central park with my doggie and having such a great conversation with God that I recalled the verse: “all things (whether good, difficult or painful) God works for the good of those who love Him.”  So, whatever the reason for my illness or for your struggles God is at work- trust in Him and rest in His promises.  Fill your mind and life with His beautiful words.  Read the Bible and fight the negativity with those beautiful truths that He left us - as our inheritance.

After the walk with my better half- I stopped by my parish for perpetual adoration and after praying the rosary, and placing all my prayers at God’s feet- I opened the Bible to the healing of the lame man.  If you are not familiar with this biblical account- there was a crippled man lying down on his mat outside the temple begging.  Peter and John passed by him and the crippled man asked Peter for money: “Then Peter said, “silver and gold I have none, but such as I have I give thee, In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk.””  The crippled man was healed and he jumped and danced… As I meditated on this reading- I realized that sometimes we ask God for so little and He in His omniscience gives according to our need.  This man just wanted a few coins to eat and survive one more day and Peter through the grace of God cures him enabling and providing a better life! There’s many biblical accounts where God shows us His power and His desire to dispense His gifts on us; but, a lot of the time we are so focused on what we desire that we block ourselves from receiving all He wants to offer.  Father Sergio said in his homily that if we saw all the graces that God wants to gives us, but we reject we would cry!

"Come broken hearted Let rescue begin"

On Faith

Faith is an ongoing process that requires constant renewal and recommitment.  Lately, I have been struggling with some depressive thoughts and mood swings I just want to give up and hibernate until a more cheerful season comes… Yet, I know by faith that these negative thoughts shall pass and while they remain I will hold on to God and my faith in Him will pull me through.  It’s been a difficult week, yet I managed to push myself to attend a couple of events that really strengthened and refocused my glance from self to God.  On Saturday, I went to mass and had such a wonderful healing experience – it’s been awhile since I have cried at mass, but on Saturday my emotions were so dark that some of the readings really spoke and nurtured my soul.  On the pew I was thinking how I needed a hug from God to feel him tangibly.  As I kneeled to pray after receiving the Eucharist – I realized that God had given me something more powerful than a hug.  He gave me HIMSELF- His body and blood and He was inside me- way more powerful than the best of hugs!

Later that night, I went to a young adult praise and worship event with some of the young people from my parish.  We were able to have adoration of the Blessed Sacrament and while it was a struggle for me to calm and focus my thoughts on God, once I did He continued to sustain me.  God is so amazing!  He places these events and occasions of deep prayer to provide and to keep the light of the Spirit that lives in me from extinguishing.  The contemporary music with its simple yet powerful lyrics, the union through community prayer and Jesus present body, soul and divinity- reduced my sadness.  I left the event feeling hopeful that God truly is enough- that no amount of sadness will separate me from His love and that if I seek Him I shall find Him!

We all go through periods of trial and tribulation- for what is a faith that never gets tested or one that never grows nor produces good fruits?  Yet, faith is one of my weakest charisms- I struggle to believe in God especially when my intellect gets the better of me.  That’s why one of my favorite verses in the Bible is, “I believe, help my unbelief.”  God requires each of us to make a choice – to choose Him and He will provide the rest.  Yet, the choice to follow and trust in Him needs to be renewed daily- it’s not a one time deal.  We need to reassert our vow to Him constantly especially in our hour of need.  When our Christian fuel is running low we need to turn to the only one that can fill us up again.  I love God and though am unaware of His plans for my life and at times I get discouraged and negative- I know that He is it for me.  There’s no place I rather be than in His heart, especially when mine is hurting.