33: The Pope Room

Yesterday I spent some time in the Pope Room at Buca di Beppo Restaurant celebrating my good friends thirty-third birthday. While Hallmark hasn’t made the age of Jesus (before he died) a milestone birthday to Christians our thirty-third birthday holds great significance.  A priest advised me to practice dying to the world this year (as I too turned thirty three) in remembrance of what Jesus did for me.  I am a chump for sentimentality and his recommendation really inspired me to continue my conversion.  I shared with a friend what this wise priest had suggested and my friend began to argue that he didn’t really understand the whole notion of assuming that the physical world was bad; thus, prohibiting Christians to enjoy material possessions.  God created the physical world for our enjoyment and I am a firm believer that God wants us to be happy here on earth and to gratefully enjoy the material gifts He provides.  My understanding, of what Father suggested was to die to the things in the world that keep me from God and suffocate my spiritual growth.  I took a deep look into my life and the things that occupy my time and treasure and realized that all sorts of things keep me from God.

For one, being bipolar and constantly monitoring my emotions has created a barrier between God and I.  Sometimes, I am so tired and I give into my fatigue and skip on mass- this year alone I have already missed more than five Eucharist Sundays (yikes).  Again, during at least two weeks of each month I am so exhausted that I zone out watching way too much Netflix and skip out on prayer and spiritual study.  My feelings control me a great deal and while I strive to be a mature lover and to do things even though I don’t feel like doing them sometimes I throw tantrums and just avoid all spiritual exercises. Am really working on finding the strength to change this bad habit of giving my feelings way too much power; but, it’s difficult to change old ways (but not impossible).

Birthday girl in green.

Over scheduling is another problem that keeps me from God.  I am learning that a busy schedule doesn’t define a deep spiritual life.  This year I have tried to not be a Catholic socialite and attend every event my parish or even dioceses creates, rather jealously choosing only a few events a month to participate in.  Though, at first dropping some activities made me feel guilty – God is showing me how to balance my life a bit better.  These past few months I have committed to doing less activities and I am really enjoying the stability and in my moments of rest am beginning to hear God’s guiding voice.

Yum giant ice cream!

My answer to the familiar question, do you like to shop was always a firm no, but as I look at my crowded living space I realize that I do.  The way I administer my money is a joke! Though I use some of my money to sponsor a few great causes and do tithing I still spend way too much money on myself. 

I photo-bombed a picture with Pope Francis.

While these are just a few of the things that keep me from God, I know that my walk with Him is forever and He will continue to help me become more like Jesus.  Though, lately I have been feeling like a horrible Catholic focusing on of my shortcomings I know that God (like the perfect Father that He is) smiles upon my attempts towards sanctification.  This time of introspection has also given me areas to work during this special year.  I know that He will continue to guide me and will never give up on me no matter how many times I fail.  I want to die to materialism, impatience, intolerance- to all those worldly sins and make room for more of Him who loves me.

The Pope Room