Happy 3rd Birthday In My Shoes!

On Saturday, I hit three years since I uploaded my first post announcing the beginning of my blog.  I remember the excitement, but mostly the insecurity that followed realizing the exposure I was voluntarily about to partake in… That first year was a huge learning experience in many ways.  Most notably it helped put inner order to a lot of changes that had  been taking place inside me and that order gave me new confidence in myself and in my faith.  As a believer in Christ I wanted to share my love for Him and my Catholic faith, but I wanted to do it in a way that was not all-in-your face.  It was also really important for me to portray my personal story honestly without cliché’s or stereotypes.  Lastly, I wanted to show a young, thriving, very-much-still-relevant Catholic culture.  Thus, the second year I became the Catholic socialite who attended many (and I mean many) fun events offered throughout my dioceses to feature here- hoping to show others that young Catholics are normal people who enjoy life just like anyone else.  As I closed on year two, I realized that I needed to cut back on the events because I was becoming like Martha doing too much and losing my Mary abilities to just be with God.  Yet, attending the various events helped me see that there’s a huge, young, genuine Catholic population and I met some amazing friends who assisted me in my ever growing conversion.  Meeting others like me, with the same values and love for God and His church filled me with confidence that helped me to accept my Catholic self.  This past year has been a mix mostly just personal testimony bits because I am no theologian and I don’t want to teach religion (I am still very much a student).  What I have learned is that while I was hoping that in my non-pushy way I would help bring others to Christ- God had other plans… I am the one that went through the most evangelization!  Three years later and my faith is rooted in good soil (smile), but I am still learning, still growing, still falling madly in love with my Creator.

Penny & Dollar

I read other blogs, and many are very successful; so, as I thought about this post I became a bit insecure because this blog remains constant.  Though it’s public for anyone to read, I haven’t really promoted it outside of my circle of friends, mainly because though I have things to say I am also a private person.  In addition, I am very technologically challenged, it was a miracle I taught myself how to operate blogger!  Thus, in terms of popularity I don’t think I have succeeded, nor have I achieved fame or made money writing either.  So, what keeps me going you might ask?  Three things: the love of the writing, the need for self-expression and the desire to share my story.

Love:  Words are powerful weapons and must be used with caution.  They can instantly transport to the most beautiful paradise, heighten experiences with their sensuality, can be exaltations to some of the most extraordinary experiences - they can unite, encourage and if they come from the right person make one feel supreme.  Words and syntax are fascinating!  In the right order words are glimpses of God’s soul.  I need to write- it’s not just a passion it’s a need.  When I am angry, sad, or lost I must write to alleviate the confusion, to find the purpose and the hope to go on.  It’s actively seeking solutions- ways to leave the dark ink and receive the lightness of paper.  When I am happy, I listen – I read. I let verses inspire whether it’s through classic novels, lyrics, poetry or a good quote from a film.  This little known space is my needs answered as Gibran would say.       

My medusa bday crown.

Grooviest rainbow Betsey Johnson Sandals!

Self-Expression:  I still have a journal (which I probably called a diary back then) from when I was in Junior High.  It’s got the typical "keep out," "don’t read" warnings – it makes me laugh because they are mostly narratives of daily tasks quite boring stuff actually.  Am sure if someone came across it they wouldn’t need the warning in order to quickly put it down, though if this said person persevere he might learn the code name of my sixth grade crush.  Yes, even back then I used fake aliases.  And even then I had the need to express myself.  I have a terrible memory so I always jotted things down in case some day I would need to recall details or even write my autobiography (smile).  I had big plans back then.

Need to Share my Faith Story:  I never imagined that I would be Catholic.  Of all the things I strived for in life becoming a religious person was not on my list of things to do before I die.  I’ve read a title that refers to C.S. Lewis as the most reluctant convert- well I am the most reluctant revert!  When my brother was dying I made a silent vow that I would give God a chance, when he died I needed to believe in life after death or I wouldn't have survived the loss.  Yet, I didn’t want to change.  I wanted God to fit into my way of life; thus, I started looking for a church that would be the most liberal and asked the least of me.  It’s funny because I ended at the church that is most conservative and asks the most of me!  Am telling you, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.”  Therefore, I felt that my reversion narrative deserved to be told, so that those like my old self can hear the Good News.  I felt like one of those people that lose a lot of weight and want to motivate others to live healthy by showing others the before and after (sometimes when we know the person who lost the weight it's easier for us to trust and be motivated to try a change). I wanted those I love, who I am close to- to see me my before and after and hopefully see a change that inspired them to seek God. A sad, broken, lost me before and a SO HAPPY me after (BIG SMILE).

In person I am still trying to be a better evangelizer – though most of the time I adopt Saint Francis’ method “if necessary use words.”  Preaching or getting into spiritual debates it’s not my way because it didn’t work for me.  When good willing Christians wanted to convert my old self through such methods they just gave me fuel to push me further away.  Thus, this blog is my way of saying, “hey, you, come and hear my story.”  So, if you are interested come and hear my story going into year four!  It’s a story of a sinner who is constantly being redeemed by God, of a sinner who tries not to tire of asking God for forgiveness, of a sinner who without God would seize to exist. Happy Birthday little blog, paz y bien.

Thank you for your support!