Nautical Sunday Outfit.
I love the story of Saint Augustine because he began
his life as a pagan who lived very true to that lifestyle feeding his passions
selfishly, never giving much thought to morality then he has this radical
conversion and becomes one of the most influential people in the Catholic Church. His infamous prayer, “Lord, make me a good
and chaste Christian, but not yet” caused me to chuckle acknowledging his wit. I found his words funny, but I never really
pondered the quote enough to allow the profound meaning to reach me. Recently, learning that Saint Augustine’s
conversion consisted of two major conversions in the saint’s life helped me
understand that his wit had depth beyond just the power of syntax. The first was an intellectual conversion,
Saint Augustine knew in his head that he was a Christian, but “for nine more
years, until he was thirty-four years old, he was unable to bring his moral
life into harmony with his intellectual faith.”
The same thing happened to me and I believe we all go through this dual
conversion to some degree. I always
thought that in my heart I accepted Christ the day I lost my brother, but it
wasn’t until I started getting to know Jesus that my mind began to change and
my life to show signs of true conversion.
Found this Ralph Lauren dress with such a fun print!
A cute fish bracelet.
Learning the two-part conversion story of Saint
Augustine was like attending group therapy and hearing other’s validate what I
have for so long wanted to put into words, but felt shame because it took me so
long to live out my faith honestly Christian.
Saint Augustine, one of the doctors of the church, who contributed so much
wisdom and left us such a valuable legacy – didn’t have a miraculous conversion
from one day to the next. He struggled
between his old self and the morally good person he wanted to become for many
years! Knowing the truth is not
enough. We can be very learned
Christians, but if our energy is not working for our and others sanctification
– we truly haven’t discovered Christ, “we see from example that it’s not enough
just to know the truth, to have clarity of conviction, and to know where
ideally our lives should be heading, though that can be a valuable start.”
Saint Augustine knew the truth, but it wasn’t until he began to live it authentically
that his life truly converted and his conversion helped guide many towards God.
A healthy spiritual life has a lot to do with honesty and owning up to our own weaknesses.
After my initial conversion, I tried to be morally
good but my sins were more powerful. I
had a huge problem with drinking and partying; but, I felt like I was only
living like any other college girl. Deep
in me I knew that I drank to escape the pain from my brother’s passing and I
played the drunken fool as an excuse to be liberated from the constraints of
life. I just thought it’s a phase
someday I’ll grow out of it or made excuses even blaming my drinking on peer
pressure, “The Gospels emphasize continually, that it is not weakness that is
problematic within our relationship to God, but rationalization, denial, lying
and the hardening of our hearts in the face of truth.” After a year of showing
hung over to mass, I finally found myself craving the change. I had to learn to
be honest and take responsibility for my actions – I also had to confront the
fear that if I stopped the partying and drinking I would lose my friends. There was also this great need to finally be
open with friends and loved ones that I was a Christian and (even more scary) a
Catholic one. Yet, as any person with an
addiction in admitting the problem one gets so much strength. I found support in new Christian friendships
and slowly like Saint Augustine my life began to align itself with my Christian
faith. A degree of honesty in matters of
conversion is crucial but must be accompanied with forgiveness. Thus, aligning our lives to the Sacraments is key,
“what is the most spiritually troubling is not our weaknesses and sin, but our
lack of searing contrition.” We can't just
admit the truth we need to also make amends for the hurt we caused others,
ourselves and God. Admitting our
weakness deserves a celebration and the good feeling that comes with honing up
to the truth, but it fades quickly if one doesn’t proceed to repair the wrongs
of our actions. That’s why the Sacrament
of Reconciliation is such a big act in Catholicism. Our good, good Father is waiting with arms
open to forgive us, like He did the prodigal son. Confessing or sins and receiving forgiveness
go hand in hand. To accept honestly that
we have wronged is the beginning of a twofold healing process. A healthy spirituality begins with truth and
ends with reconciliation.
Used the book "A Holy Longing" by Rolheiser on this reflection.
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