My New look LOL.
A professor
I once had said that writers usually have one story and they continue retelling
it in all their works, I kind of feel like that- a bit repetitive. Yet, to your good fortune I was having a
great conversation with a friend the other night and it inspired some thoughts
that I would like to explore. This
friend finds herself in a situation that I think we all have been in, a place
of inexperience. I’ve often spent many
hours wasted thinking and feeling shame that I am in my thirties and have little
experience with the opposite sex. I’ve
often wondered how an interested male would react to my lack of knowledge on
the subject. It often feels like a
weakness like an area that I must protect myself, but if I am busy
protecting myself opportunities for experience are lost and there lies the
paradox. I mean I know myself, when I
like someone it’s difficult for me to speak to them, my IQ drops and my brain
forgets how to use words, I even develop an accent. It’s terribly uncomfortable, and painful to
think that saying the wrong thing might cause this said person to recoil which
is the last thing I want. These thoughts make me keep to myself… Yet, my friend
has the other problem the guy that she is talking to is exhibiting signs that
he might have little experience with females! I just put an exclamation mark on
the previous sentence because guys have the same woes that we women have!
EUREKA! Sometimes it’s too easy to think, “oh, poor little me I have no
experience…” All of us that are single and
introverts know this- we are great at self-reflection and introspection---- BUT
sometimes we can forget the humanity of the other person or just the other
person completely because we are so worried about ourselves. Yet, in talking to my friend I realized that
the object of our affections has issues too, and sometimes those issues can
also be inexperience and like you he tries to hide what he perceives as
“weakness.”
My friend
looked at me and asked, “What should I do?
What should I do when he won’t talk about where we stand? When he’s not
leading?” And the list went on…
Since I
know both parties involved, I can objectively say that he doesn’t have a lot of
experience and he being a male in his thirties has developed a type of
insecurity in association with this lack of knowledge- just like me! Goodness
empathy is great! Girls, there are guys that
have grown up and don’t have a lot of experience in this whole dating/courting
whatever you prefer to call it subject.
Yet, I tell you- not having any or enough experience on this subject is
ok- usually in relationships two people gain experience together one cannot
learn this on his/her own. So, if you come across a fellow who takes his time,
who moves slower than a tortoise be prayerfully patient and help him out. I have friends who have really high expectations of how
they should be approached. One was telling
me that a man sent her an emoji on a dating website and because there were no
words she felt it didn’t count as he being interested in her so she did not
respond hoping that he would understand that he needed to send words not just a
cute happy face. I had another who said
he misspelled words so that wrote him off.
As, I thought of these small rejections I thought we are supposed to be
Christians, people who are kind and give the benefit of the doubt.
As my
friend looked at me eager to get some help, I said, “be a friend. This is an opportunity that God is giving you
to be a good sister in Christ to this guy.
If he needs a little direction at first help him out and have some
patience.” As I dropped her off and went
home I continued thinking about this.
One, God helped me see that men are human and some might not have the
moves to put on you because they don’t know the moves. Two, friendship is essential and even further
we are called to be Christian at all times.
This also, means that if I want to find someone who is compassionate
with my inexperience and limitations I too have to be compassionate with
his. Yet, sometimes in terms of the
opposite sex we look at others with such high hopes of them being the possible
“one” that we treat them differently than we would any other Christian upon
first encounter. Or we come to expect a perfect,
prince in shining armor – however, none of us will reach perfection this side
of heaven (except for the saints). The romantic expectations and valuable tips
learned from dating books though helpful must never be placed before treating
others as Christ would. I love this
tid-bit I read on Maya Angelou and how after hearing many people approach her
at a book signing and letting her know that they were also Christians. She later reflected and thought, “no one ever
is a Christian we are all in a journey to become a Christian.” This resonates in me (though I read it many
years ago) because I really believe that we are here trying to grow in holiness
and we must never live like we have arrived at sanctity nor expect perfection
in others. To reach sanctity we need
each other. It all comes down to the
golden rule, we must always treat others (in any circumstance, especially in
the courting arena) with love and kindness.
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