He's Just Not Into You

Earlier in the year, Father and I had an extremely productive conversation on how to become more rational and practical in matters of the heart.  As a woman my role is to WAIT to be pursued and while men might find our part in the courting process as the easier of the two – it’s extremely difficult.  It requires patience, prayer and wisdom.  In the courting process initially the woman gives the man signs that she’s interested and waits to be pursued.  During the wait she prayerfully and reasonably decides whether this man is interested or not.  If he is interested then things will move forward for the two, but if he’s not then she needs to come to terms with it and move onward.  The process always requires progression, but many times women get stuck making excuses for men that don’t pursue them: “he must be busy that’s why he returned my text two days later, he needs help so I’ll start all of our conversations, he’s just shy…”  In addition, sometimes the council of well-meaning friends makes the whole process more difficult.  The thing is that if a man is into you he will pursue and you will know it and there won’t be a reason to provide excuses for his lack of interest.

I have a really full life- my family, friends and church community enrich my life and diminish any feeling of loneliness.  Yet, until recently, when a man that I was interested in didn’t pursue me I lost my peace.  The desire for that person to want me, made me miserable until I realized that the problem is in the want.  The Apostle Paul tells us that the secret of being content in any and every situation is Christ.  Thus, when our focus gets shifted away from Him we are opening ourselves to pain.  Father advised me to continue repeating he’s not into me until I am standing next to my spouse reciting our vows (smile).  His advice sounds rather silly, but it really works at helping maintain my peace. 

Courting is complicated and emotionally exhausting!  It requires a lot of humility and vulnerability – but am sure when we meet our one-and-only it’s worth the struggle (smile).  It’s also for the mighty in strength because it requires courage to get up and try again.