Yesterday, I went to Courtyard Theology, an event held at my
parish during the warmer months that provides great talks on spirituality. We gather outside in the courtyard at my
parish and share pizza, salad and wine while listening to a great speaker. I attended the event after being MIA from
parish events for some time and God received me with arms wide open. Father gave a talk on evangelization using
Pope Francis' exhortation “Evangelii Guadium: The Joy of the Gospel.” While I read the exhortation earlier this
year it was refreshing to hear the practical words of our church leader again. God knows me so well- as I near my one year
blog anniversary I began to feel like I was the least adequate person to be
attempting to evangelize here. I am a
sinner – I sin daily, even hourly – I am not proud of my falls. Sometimes I repeat the same sins over and
over and I get so discouraged concentrating on my weaknesses and knowing that I
have failed again… Sometimes I let my sins
pile up so high that I feel the heavy weight of my burden on my shoulders- yet
getting myself to confession is not an easy task. Not because I fear the priests reprimands,
but because I have to find the humility to become accountable for all my wrongs
and voice them so that I can reconcile with God and my church community.
The heaviness of my sins has finally made me seek my Spiritual
Doctor and unload all of the wrongs I have carried these past months. This afternoon I will make my way into the
confessional. As a former evangelical I
used to confess my sins to God one-on-one and now as a Catholic I do it through
a priest. To be honest I try harder at
doing an honest examination of conscience now that I confess to a priest. I spend more time thinking of what I have done
wrong and thus really repenting for my sins.
I even write a list ahead of time and go into the confessional with a
plan to leave all my sins at the feet of the cross. I hunger for reconciliation
and for God’s grace to start anew. Confession is more than good for the soul it’s
good for the whole person. I have
learned great lessons inside a confessional and I enjoy the feedback I get back from
the priest. It’s never pray a Hail Mary
and I am absolved - no the priest gives me tips on how to conquer my weaknesses
and his words provide hope and opportunities for personal and spiritual growth.
The first time I went to confession after my return to the
Catholic church- I expected reprimands, shouts of disappointment and angry
words from the priest. Instead, I found a friend who guided me through the
sacrament and gave me such kind and hopeful words. Since then, I have confessed more or less to
the same priest and he always gives me such optimistic advice. While forgiveness comes only from God, it’s
such a blessing to have Father’s helpful direction.
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