I went to Mass on Thursday, for the Assumption of Mary, and it was the first service in a long time that I found myself completely immersed in worship. I can’t stress enough how being prayed over liberated whatever sad, anxious spirit had stuck to me and I finally found consolation. It was a special feast day that incorporated incense into the Mass and I remember being so drawn by the smells, it just connected my senses and drew me into the service in a way that I had long been lacking. On Sunday, the readings again got me so engaged and spoke to me filling me with hope and perseverance. I thanked God, for His words, for the Eucharist and for breaking that veil that had me feeling so disconnected during worship.
Things haven’t changed here, I am still facing the same struggles, but now with a peaceful spirit. For a skeptic, I still am in awe of how being prayed over made all the difference. Like I told my Franciscan small group, I believe in the power of prayer when I am interceding for someone else, but when I am crying to the Lord for myself, I can be very doubtful. Thus, to be freed from the oppressive Spirit after being prayed over has began to change my thought pattern about prayer. Though, I wish that I had that complete trust in the Lord as seen in our Holy Mother- I know that little by little my doubt is being transformed.
I have thought long and hard about these past post that perhaps have been a little gloomy in content, but I think it’s good to show that it’s ok to experience unpleasant feelings, to feel almost at the point of defeat- even as Christians because we are human and experience the same range of emotions; however, before we break God always comes through. It is in our weakness that the glory of God is manifested (the Bible tells me so); thus, when I am struggling it’s ok to share that struggle because our testimony is powerful. I am reminded of the “Book of Job” (perhaps my favorite book in the Bible), he goes through great tribulation feeling a range of unpleasant emotions, but he never quivers away from the Lord. Job stands firm in his faith, even though he suffers immensely – it is in seeing his major suffering and loss that the glory of God shines ever so brightly. Though Job losses everything, God rewards Job’s fidelity.
Sometimes we go through a purging season, where we feel like we are losing everything that gave us comfort and peace but, God has a plan. We need to be empty to be filled up again. We need challenges to grow in sanctity and in our trust in the Lord. It’s hard to let go - to walk in uncertainty, but if I rely in the promises of God- that walk can be one of peace, one that looks forward to the celestial gifts waiting to be opened.