Sometimes dreams get put on hold for a little bit- thirteen years to be exact…
After, my Bipolar diagnoses I left teaching. It took me some time (years) to learn to function normally with my disability and during this time I thought that I would never again work in education so all activities that surrounded my teaching dream were left in limbo. I was one class away from my Master’s when I had my mental breakdown and I never finished because I thought that I would never be able to perform that job. This year Corona Virus and all, I completed my Master’s degree in Education!
Every time in the past thirteen years when I thought of completing my degree just for the sake of finishing what I had started the pain of opening the wound of a failed dream froze me. I couldn’t think of education without puncturing the scab enough for the mixture of pain and waste- wasted years pursuing a dream that never materialized to come like a towering wave. The thought of being surrounded by students with tangible illusions of leading kids in a classroom, students who would get to live out their fantasies made me sick with defeat. I lacked the humility to see others succeed in the field while my health limitations kept me from reaching a goal I had made as child playing teacher in my garage.
I don’t know if I would have ever gone back to finish my degree had it not been for this year of redemption. After waiting a week, too scared to call back a school to confirm an interview appointment at a job that I don’t remember applying for – I was hired as a teacher. Before I was hired, I made a plan on how I was going to deal with stress- what my techniques would be for when things became too hectic, I was even considering weekly therapy. I created a plan so that this time I would deal with things that brought my demise in the past and succeed as teacher. However, throughout this whole transition God’s hand was at work returning everything that I had lost due to my disability. I found myself dealing with stress in positive ways and not shutting down when things got overbearing. Prepping myself (mostly my mind) so much in advance made things manageable, so much so that I gained confidence enough to return to school and finish that last class.
I didn’t plan it to be during a national pandemic, but it happened that I graduated during a virtual ceremony. That might add some interest in the future when I tell my story about how I returned to education during the worst time to be a teacher and managed to succeed because with God all things are truly possible.