First Retreat After Covid

Since I returned to the Catholic Church, I had never experienced a period of dryness like I have during and post pandemic.  Scared of bringing the virus home and infecting my parents, I stayed away from everything except work.  I was watching Mass online, but my religious groups all closed shop and for once I was living life without community.  Finding myself virtual teaching, I had no desire to login to more zoom calls as some of my prayer groups opened back in that format.  After, that difficult first year my introvert side started enjoying being home and I slowly became a content recluse.  This past year, with what seems like the worst behind us and society starting to open up again – I have struggled getting back into my religious community.  I attended a couple times, but then tiredness and a need to be alone win when I think of going out.  Yet, all this time away from like minded people has depleted my soul, I feel like that fire that used to burn so intensely now only embers remain.

As I perused bulletins from various surrounding parishes, I noticed that one near me was having a Women’s Retreat.  I was surprised because this was the only retreat that I had seen since Covid reopening, but the title “Welcome Retreat” was off-putting because I thought it might be for new and non-Catholics.  I spoke with a friend who attends Saint Simon and Jude and she said that the title was not meant to be understood that way, so I signed up.  I knew that I needed something extraordinary to light those embers back up and the fact that I had missed my practice of yearly retreats – I knew this could be a lifeline to Jesus. 

The Saturday morning of the retreat I was struggling with a migraine that had plagued me since the day before and I was under so much pain that I almost missed it.  However, the retreat organizer had been in constant communication with me and I knew that it was being sponsored by the parish, the hotel had been paid as well as all accommodations for me – so guilt made me get out of bed and “just show up.”  I didn’t pack an overnight bag because I was thinking that I would probably not stay because I was feeling physically unwell, but when I got to the Ayres Hotel I was stripped from my cell phone and told I would get it back the following day at the end of the retreat.  My cell phone has never been confiscated before so I was stunned when I handed it over and then when I realized what I had done I knew that I couldn’t just disappear.  I took some Advil and hoped for the best.

As the first person went up to share her talk, I was thinking this is going to be just like any other retreat.  The format felt highly familiar and I was still thinking of the “Welcome” retreat label and continued to feel like there was no element of surprise.  However, by the time the second speaker was done sharing I was in tears because God was stirring those embers by showing what I think was the revelation of this weekend with God.  God showed me that He wants me to have an adult relationship with Him.  He wants me to grow: “when I was a child, I talked like a child, thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a (wo)man, I set aside childish ways.”  With each speaker’s testimony I was blown away by each story, each heartbreak, each deliverance.  The speakers were women (not girls) with mature stories!  That’s what was different, that was the surprise – mature faith.

I was able to participate in the Sacraments. I went to confession after the longest period of absence since I returned to the faith and that culminated with receiving the Eucharist!  We had a small group so Father invited us up to the altar during consecration.  It was such a beautiful, first time experience to be so near during such a holy moment.  Everything else that occurred was just icing on the cake! In one week, I will be heading to my first pilgrimage since Covid closures and I know that because of this retreat I will be traveling no longer feeling like a black sheep, but rather like a sheep who lost her way and has rejoined the flock.  “God is good all the time, all the time God is good!”