Change

Sorry if I have neglected you.  My life finally begins to settle – all the changes are finally beginning to feel like my new norm.  Last week I stopped by the mission basilica to pray before work (a new habit) and something clicked inside me and I knew that from that moment, I could relax and enjoy all the changes.  That statement might sound weird, but I have a tendency to deal with change by trying to control it or by focusing on it so much that everything else becomes secondary.  These past months my emphasis had been in trying to get used to all the changes and everything else was slightly neglected.  Yet, after working really hard on my new transition, I feel ready to start giving attention to everything and everyone else.  

I was speaking to my sister about this, because I haven’t taken my nephew out or paid much attention to him during these past months.  In a way I have been quite self-involved in trying to just survive all the changes.  Though, I have shared how challenging I find change, only my close friends and family understand my struggle.  They know that if I have too many things going on in my life I withdraw because I focus all of my energy on that one variable.  I am an introvert and during change all of my energy is spent trying to deal with that – so much so, that I have the tendency to forget everything and everyone else.  My parents notice when I am overwhelmed by change because even at home, I tend to keep to myself.

Eventually a day comes, when change is no longer new it just turns into your regular life.  It’s taken me a few months to reach this state, to begin to feel like I have succeeded in managing the transitions and I am looking forward to slowly making time for all those I have neglected.  My parents checked in on me earlier in the week and I told them that it’s ok for them to show more interest when I am distant.  When I am distracted or rather trying to adjust to the new, it’s nice having people knowing I am missed. (smile)  

Teaching with Severe Anxiety

I am constantly amazed by how God works in our lives.  During the period that I was laid off, I watched a documentary, “Girls Incarcerated,” a series that follows teenage girls locked up in American correctional facilities.  One of the things that stood out from the series was that credentialed teachers worked with the teens to help them continue their education while in the facility.  Teachers only had four or five students in the classroom at a time and most of the instruction was small group classes and independent study.  As someone who was thinking of getting back into education, I started considering non-traditional ways of teaching as perhaps being best for me being bipolar.  Thus, I started applying at correctional facilities and continuation schools and one day I sent my resume to the charter that I am currently at and the rest is providential history.

The school where I work at, I see about eight students each hour and provide guidance, tutoring and instruction on a one-on-one basis.  I check in with each, help them with assignments and test them on units that they complete. Thus, I work with all grades and subject matter throughout the day.  Each semester the school offers traditional classes for students that struggle or will benefit from direct instruction.  This semester I am teaching three two-hour long eleventh grade traditional English classes.  Though I love teaching and being in front of the classroom sharing my passion with others- I struggle with big time anxiety every time that I have to be in front of a classroom.  I think it’s the reason that I left education ten years ago.  This week each day that I had to deliver the lesson I almost peed my pants, but as the week came to a close, I realized how much God has been acting in my life!

The whole structure of my job has made being a teacher for someone with severe anxiety to do something that I love even with my disability.  Only three times a week I get to deal with severe anxiety attacks and I am learning how to reduce the stress.  The fact that my classroom size is small when compared to a traditional school and that I have so much support staff to help me has helped in reducing the stress.  Also, prayer this semester I have dedicated my job to Our Lady of Prompt Succor, I constantly ask for her intercession.  In addition to praying for each of my students and the goals that I want to achieve.  I am still working on learning more strategies to reduce the anxiety before delivering a lesson in a traditional classroom setting, yet I thank God constantly for placing me in a school so fitted for someone with bipolar.   

New Intercessor

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed earlier in the week, so I made the time to sit in with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and just spill my little heart.  After I shared with Him the struggles that I was currently facing I opened my Laudate App to the saint of the day and discovered a new title for Our Lady.  I was reading a short bio on Our Lady of Prompt Succor.  In 18^th century, the Ursuline Sisters in Louisiana found themselves short of teachers due to political changes in leadership and strong anti-Catholic sentiments. After requesting the intervention of President Thomas Jefferson and seeking the help of Pope Pius VII, Mother St. Michel prayed in front of a statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary to obtain the help she had requested. Mother St. Michel received quick, favorable responses from both the president and the pope and she promised Our Lady that she would ask a workman to carve a statue of Mary in flowing robes holding the infant Jesus so that it would appear like Mary was moving quickly.  Shortly after, Mother Mitchel arrived in New Orleans with the statue of Our Lady of Prompt Succor and many teachers to assist the Ursuline Academy… Many miracles have since been attributed to the intercession of the Blessed Mother under the title of Our Lady of Prompt Succor; thus, Pope Pius IX authorized public devotion under the new Marian title.

Having found a new helper to intercede for me, I presented my requests to Our Lady of Prompt Succor.  I left the chapel feeling lighter knowing that my struggles had been left at the feet of Jesus.  It wasn’t even the end of day when I started getting answers to my petitions. An issue I was having with a staff member resolved and then later in the week, after asking my credential to be expedited thinking it would occur at earliest in February I got notified that the Commission on Teaching Credentialing had approved my case!  I still will have to do the two-year induction program to clear it, but am so happy to have my credential back again as is my employer.  I still can’t believe how quickly my prayers were answered, but I guess one doesn’t mess with a prompt Virgin Mary… (smile)

Things are falling into place, and I am finally beginning to feel like I am establishing a new routine.  Having an established order is now allowing me to pick up some of the responsibilities outside of work.  Though my Monday night Bible Study will probably not workout I am hopeful that I can still keep going to the Rise Women’s Group and the Giana Club regularly because I do need to be around people that inspire my faith and motivate me to continue opening my life to God.  It is through these friendly encouragements that I discover new intercessor friends that make my path a whole lot more easy.      

Bringing 2020 with Faith

Happy New Year!  Sometimes we make plans and life takes a different route.  I had planned on getting Francis neutered during my two-week winter break, but I didn’t anticipate that I would be caring for an invalid for over a week.  Dollar healed rather quickly and didn’t require wearing a cone of shame because he didn’t lick his wounds. Francis from the moment I got him has shown me that he’s not going to be easy.  It’s been almost a week since his surgery and he still doesn’t want to walk more than take a few steps, he yelps every time he needs a potty break and he needs a barrier because he’s a licker.  Thus, this last week I have been making sure that he doesn’t lick open his sutures.  It’s been difficult because I was counting on Francis healing at the speed that Dollar did, but he’s required much more care; so, I’ve had to spend my time at home keeping a close eye on my pup.

Ending the year was a much calmer experience this year, my nephew is a teenager now.  He has entered the age where his little group of friends are his preference and our annual New Year countdown party was a no go this year.  It worked out, because with caring for Francis I had my hands full.  Thus, don’t take it personal if I don’t have my annual countdown pictures to go with this post.  Ending 2019, was a sweet-sorrow this year because with my grandma ill our spirits as a family were not as cheerful.  Yet, she made it through the holidays and though now we are praying for God to end her suffering and call her home we are joyful to bring another year with her here on earth.

This morning, I have my meeting with the Rise girls and I am excited to be getting back to nurturing my faith because with my new job I had to stop all faith activities while I establish a new routine.  Slowly this 2020 I am hopeful that with each day I will join community again, because I do need religious friends to remind me of Jesus and help me keep Him the center of my life especially among all the change.  Tomorrow I will have my Epiphany party with my Franciscan community – so while I didn’t get to do as much as I hoped during my two weeks off, I am glad that I was able to meet up with holy friends.