Monday, August 29, 2016

Conversion: A Matter of Honesty & Sacramental Life

Nautical Sunday Outfit.

I love the story of Saint Augustine because he began his life as a pagan who lived very true to that lifestyle feeding his passions selfishly, never giving much thought to morality then he has this radical conversion and becomes one of the most influential people in the Catholic Church.  His infamous prayer, “Lord, make me a good and chaste Christian, but not yet” caused me to chuckle acknowledging his wit.  I found his words funny, but I never really pondered the quote enough to allow the profound meaning to reach me.  Recently, learning that Saint Augustine’s conversion consisted of two major conversions in the saint’s life helped me understand that his wit had depth beyond just the power of syntax.  The first was an intellectual conversion, Saint Augustine knew in his head that he was a Christian, but “for nine more years, until he was thirty-four years old, he was unable to bring his moral life into harmony with his intellectual faith.”  The same thing happened to me and I believe we all go through this dual conversion to some degree.  I always thought that in my heart I accepted Christ the day I lost my brother, but it wasn’t until I started getting to know Jesus that my mind began to change and my life to show signs of true conversion.
Found this Ralph Lauren dress with such a fun print!
A cute fish bracelet.

Learning the two-part conversion story of Saint Augustine was like attending group therapy and hearing other’s validate what I have for so long wanted to put into words, but felt shame because it took me so long to live out my faith honestly Christian.  Saint Augustine, one of the doctors of the church, who contributed so much wisdom and left us such a valuable legacy – didn’t have a miraculous conversion from one day to the next.  He struggled between his old self and the morally good person he wanted to become for many years!  Knowing the truth is not enough.  We can be very learned Christians, but if our energy is not working for our and others sanctification – we truly haven’t discovered Christ, “we see from example that it’s not enough just to know the truth, to have clarity of conviction, and to know where ideally our lives should be heading, though that can be a valuable start.” Saint Augustine knew the truth, but it wasn’t until he began to live it authentically that his life truly converted and his conversion helped guide many towards God. A healthy spiritual life has a lot to do with honesty and owning up to our own weaknesses.
After my initial conversion, I tried to be morally good but my sins were more powerful.  I had a huge problem with drinking and partying; but, I felt like I was only living like any other college girl.  Deep in me I knew that I drank to escape the pain from my brother’s passing and I played the drunken fool as an excuse to be liberated from the constraints of life.  I just thought it’s a phase someday I’ll grow out of it or made excuses even blaming my drinking on peer pressure, “The Gospels emphasize continually, that it is not weakness that is problematic within our relationship to God, but rationalization, denial, lying and the hardening of our hearts in the face of truth.” After a year of showing hung over to mass, I finally found myself craving the change. I had to learn to be honest and take responsibility for my actions – I also had to confront the fear that if I stopped the partying and drinking I would lose my friends.  There was also this great need to finally be open with friends and loved ones that I was a Christian and (even more scary) a Catholic one.  Yet, as any person with an addiction in admitting the problem one gets so much strength.  I found support in new Christian friendships and slowly like Saint Augustine my life began to align itself with my Christian faith.  A degree of honesty in matters of conversion is crucial but must be accompanied with forgiveness.  Thus, aligning our lives to the Sacraments is key, “what is the most spiritually troubling is not our weaknesses and sin, but our lack of searing contrition.”  We can't just admit the truth we need to also make amends for the hurt we caused others, ourselves and God.  Admitting our weakness deserves a celebration and the good feeling that comes with honing up to the truth, but it fades quickly if one doesn’t proceed to repair the wrongs of our actions.  That’s why the Sacrament of Reconciliation is such a big act in Catholicism.  Our good, good Father is waiting with arms open to forgive us, like He did the prodigal son.  Confessing or sins and receiving forgiveness go hand in hand.  To accept honestly that we have wronged is the beginning of a twofold healing process.  A healthy spirituality begins with truth and ends with reconciliation.  
Used the book "A Holy Longing" by Rolheiser on this reflection.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Relationships: The Case of Inexperience

My New look LOL.

A professor I once had said that writers usually have one story and they continue retelling it in all their works, I kind of feel like that- a bit repetitive.  Yet, to your good fortune I was having a great conversation with a friend the other night and it inspired some thoughts that I would like to explore.  This friend finds herself in a situation that I think we all have been in, a place of inexperience.  I’ve often spent many hours wasted thinking and feeling shame that I am in my thirties and have little experience with the opposite sex.  I’ve often wondered how an interested male would react to my lack of knowledge on the subject.  It often feels like a weakness like an area that I must protect myself, but if I am busy protecting myself opportunities for experience are lost and there lies the paradox.  I mean I know myself, when I like someone it’s difficult for me to speak to them, my IQ drops and my brain forgets how to use words, I even develop an accent.  It’s terribly uncomfortable, and painful to think that saying the wrong thing might cause this said person to recoil which is the last thing I want. These thoughts make me keep to myself… Yet, my friend has the other problem the guy that she is talking to is exhibiting signs that he might have little experience with females! I just put an exclamation mark on the previous sentence because guys have the same woes that we women have! EUREKA! Sometimes it’s too easy to think, “oh, poor little me I have no experience…”  All of us that are single and introverts know this- we are great at self-reflection and introspection---- BUT sometimes we can forget the humanity of the other person or just the other person completely because we are so worried about ourselves.   Yet, in talking to my friend I realized that the object of our affections has issues too, and sometimes those issues can also be inexperience and like you he tries to hide what he perceives as “weakness.” 
My friend looked at me and asked, “What should I do?  What should I do when he won’t talk about where we stand? When he’s not leading?” And the list went on…

Since I know both parties involved, I can objectively say that he doesn’t have a lot of experience and he being a male in his thirties has developed a type of insecurity in association with this lack of knowledge- just like me! Goodness empathy is great!  Girls, there are guys that have grown up and don’t have a lot of experience in this whole dating/courting whatever you prefer to call it subject.  Yet, I tell you- not having any or enough experience on this subject is ok- usually in relationships two people gain experience together one cannot learn this on his/her own. So, if you come across a fellow who takes his time, who moves slower than a tortoise be prayerfully patient and help him out.  I have friends who have really high expectations of how they should be approached.  One was telling me that a man sent her an emoji on a dating website and because there were no words she felt it didn’t count as he being interested in her so she did not respond hoping that he would understand that he needed to send words not just a cute happy face.  I had another who said he misspelled words so that wrote him off.  As, I thought of these small rejections I thought we are supposed to be Christians, people who are kind and give the benefit of the doubt. 

As my friend looked at me eager to get some help, I said, “be a friend.  This is an opportunity that God is giving you to be a good sister in Christ to this guy.  If he needs a little direction at first help him out and have some patience.”  As I dropped her off and went home I continued thinking about this.  One, God helped me see that men are human and some might not have the moves to put on you because they don’t know the moves.  Two, friendship is essential and even further we are called to be Christian at all times.  This also, means that if I want to find someone who is compassionate with my inexperience and limitations I too have to be compassionate with his.  Yet, sometimes in terms of the opposite sex we look at others with such high hopes of them being the possible “one” that we treat them differently than we would any other Christian upon first encounter.  Or we come to expect a perfect, prince in shining armor – however, none of us will reach perfection this side of heaven (except for the saints). The romantic expectations and valuable tips learned from dating books though helpful must never be placed before treating others as Christ would.  I love this tid-bit I read on Maya Angelou and how after hearing many people approach her at a book signing and letting her know that they were also Christians.  She later reflected and thought, “no one ever is a Christian we are all in a journey to become a Christian.”  This resonates in me (though I read it many years ago) because I really believe that we are here trying to grow in holiness and we must never live like we have arrived at sanctity nor expect perfection in others.  To reach sanctity we need each other.  It all comes down to the golden rule, we must always treat others (in any circumstance, especially in the courting arena) with love and kindness.     

Monday, August 22, 2016

Thoughts on Ben-Hur 2016

Yesterday, I treated myself to “Ben-Hur” the 2016 remake of the classic film.  It’s a deep film that got me pondering on subjects like love, forgiveness, turning the other cheek and letting go.  The one that rattled my brain most was on letting go as associated with the paschal mystery.  Jesus ministry teaches us that we can’t hold on to things that keep us from Him we must leave them behind, “follow me and let the dead bury their dead.”  This phrase figuratively states that in the Christian life we must let go of those things that keep us from God and from becoming the best version of ourselves… One of the things that fascinate me about Christian spirituality is that suffering not only redeems, transforms, but has a remedy.  God can heal it. I came to Christ when my brother committed suicide.  What followed was a time of healing, in which I learned that in order to have peace I needed to let go of all the pain, resentment, anger I had carried all of my life not just the one associated with my brother’s passing.  It wasn’t easy nor was it a quick fix, but as I opened my heart and trusted in God more I began to heal – to make peace with years of darkness.  As I traded pain for peace I fell hard for God and my Catholic faith.  My life found purpose my suffering meaning…  Yet, I never associated this process of “letting go” to the paschal mystery.  While watching the film there’s a scene where Jesus is making his way to the cross and he falls to the ground and tells a perplexed Ben-Hur, “I give my life of my own free will.” 

Death in the Christian life comes in many ways, we die every time we “let go and let God” (as the cliché goes), when we part with a human weakness that keeps us from living the truth of Christ - we die and are reborn.  As I made peace with the notion of seeking revenge on those who had hurt me and learned forgiveness the bitterness and heavy burden I carried disappeared.  As I forgave God for all those erroneous accusations our relationship was restored. As I made peace with myself for my own weaknesses and failures I learned self-love and self-acceptance.  As I forgave others, God and myself I made room for goodness, joy and peace.  In order to make room for God, His philosophy, His love we all need to empty ourselves and make room.  He can’t come into areas that are already occupied, “the paschal mystery is a mystery of how we, after undergoing some kind of death, receive new life and new spirit.”  We must allow old dreams, hurts, people to die so that we can indeed live in hope, love and peace.  We can't carry things nor let them occupy space that God’s spirit wants to indwell.  In watching “Ben-Hur” I realized how much our pride can disguise itself as righteousness – but as Pontius Pilate states in the movie, “What this man, Jesus, teaches… compassion and love that is truly dangerous.” Dangerous in the sense that now we are ruled by God and no one else.   

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Weddings: Jesus Revealed

I have always loved weddings, in my life I have been part of the bridal party on many occasions and every single time the bridesmaids are reminded to shower the couple with attention to let the bride shine. General rule has it that the couple must be the center of attention on their special day…  In The Gospel According to John we witness a beautiful wedding scene where Jesus and his intimate friends are gathered in celebration; yet, the attention is placed on Jesus and not the young lovers.  Up until this point Jesus has kept a low profile and many see him during these thirty years simply as the son of Mary and Joseph the Carpenter.  At his Baptism in the Jordan River people begin to see him through John the Baptist. However, God chooses a wedding for His Son to reveal himself to his disciples and servants. It’s interesting that a wedding is the place of disclosure; but it makes complete sense for the simple reason that marriage is the beginning of love for the bride and the groom. The fact that the gospel is focusing on Jesus and not the wedded couple means that the author is using this event to reveal the character of Jesus, Mary and the Church.  Many saw Jesus, during the thirty years from his birth in Bethlehem up to his Baptism in the Jordan River through John the Baptist. Yes, many saw him, but He didn’t reveal to everyone who He really was, only to his disciples.

It is interesting to observe John the Evangelist doesn’t call the transformation of water into wine a miracle, but a sign. He does this in order to reveal the character of Jesus, “these mighty deeds of divine power reveal or point to spiritual truths about Jesus through sensible means.”  His disciples have begun to follow him, but need signs to believe in him and affirm their faith that he is indeed the One they have waited for: “The first of the signs John relates, and John himself insists that his purpose in recording these signs was to convince people that the Christ, the Son of God is Jesus.”   His power to transform water into wine shows that Jesus has the power to alter everything for the good of the Kingdom.  He takes a situation that is about to cause ruin and converts it into something so much better that people comment in surprise, “Everyone serves the good wine first… But you have kept the good wine until now.”  This shows us that not only can Jesus transform, but that his changes are better than the original, better than anything we can imagine!
In the Wedding in Cana scripture opens by listing Mary, his mother, first and she being the one that recognizes there is a problem that needs a resolution and she herself brings it to the attention of her son.  Mary on behalf of her friends brings the running out of wine to Jesus – this action shows that she is a mediator between the community and God, “The mother of Jesus presents the needs of the people to Jesus, and encourages the people in the ways of discipleship, instructing them to obey Jesus.”  After she informs her son about the need she tells the servers, “Do whatever he tells you.”  Similarly we believe today that she is the most powerful intercessor she will present our needs to the Father, while encouraging us to be obedient to God.
God wants his son to be revealed during the wedding because Jesus is getting married to his saving mission.  He’s getting ready to become the bridegroom and take the church for his bride and Mary pushes him to begin his ministry, telling him that he is ready.  The fact that the author choses to focus on Jesus and not the couple implies that Jesus must play an important role in the Sacrament of Marriage.  We must invite Him to be part of our holy unions because he will transform us to better love one another and to bear fruits.  Though difficulties will arise the sign of water into wine reveals that Jesus will provide in abundance. 
Through the first sign Jesus reveals his glory, Mary as a powerful mediator and gives us a sign to believe and have faith in Him.  He gives us signs so that we might believe in His great love; but none more resplendent than that of the cross, resurrection and exaltation. Through signs He can transform the ordinary, the flat, grey and all that is ruined in our lives into new and better just like he did with water into the best tasting wine.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

The Hurrier I Go The Behinder I Get

I am not a grateful person naturally, when things happen to me that deserve a big “thank you God” I don’t automatically thank Him.  The first thing I usually do is to share it with a loved one.  For example, when I got a promotion at work I immediately called my mom to share with her the good news, only after I had called her did I realized that I had not thanked God for my good fortune.  This is a pattern that I am usually caught in- though now as I am sending that message to a loved one I realize hey what about God?  It’s just easier to seek God when I need a favor when I am stuck in a situation where I feel desperate.  I have no problem with prayer of petition, there’s always something else I could request… But to be grateful, to count my blessings really takes effort. 

Part of the problem is that I lead a life that is full activity, I am always rushing from one thing to the next trying to accomplish as much as I can. Lately, things at work have gotten really hectic and I am always rushing!  I don’t even have time to eat lunch away from my desk.  So, usually as I eat my lunch I am engaged in a million other activities.  Most times I even rush through grace!  There’s a correlation between a grateful spirit and also a slow spirit, a spirit who walks slowly through life enjoying every moment.  A Buddhist reflection about eating a tangerine describes the difference between eating the fruit with and without awareness.  Those who eat it quickly do not enjoy the treat while those who take the time to smell the sweet fragrance- to relish each slice can be lost in the process of savoring each bite. Though two people can both “do” the same activity how one approaches each situation in life makes the difference between a thankful and an entitled spirit. Living mindfully aware and present to the moment- training our mind and body to be here now is a practice that all saints mastered. Yet, my mind is usually so preoccupied with the next task, I am like that rabbit in Alice in Wonderland shouting, “I’m late, I’m late…” (or) “the hurrier I go the behinder I get.”  Yet, the moments my mind stores in her special “chest of memories” are the moments where I am present body and soul.  

Yesterday, I spent the day with my nephew and the whole day was so beautiful because children naturally live in the “here” and they invite us to join them there.  We visited the Discovery Science Center and for half of the day we ran wild actively messing with the laws of science.  Even as we sat to enjoy lunch, he looked down at his pizza and was amazed by the size of his pepperoni!  He’s like “Tia, this place is like a paradise for kids.”  Praising God, and being thankful has a lot to do with growing up and not losing that wonder, that fascination with life- being amazed and laughing by giant pepperoni.    

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Jesus Thrifty Freak

Yesterday, the members of my RCIA team and I met up to plan this upcoming year and I pulled out my Jesus sweater.  Due to the class that I am taking remained enrolled I have been reading a book and the last chapter I read discussed the topic of the incarnation…  Jesus plays such an instrumental role in my reversion to the Catholic faith.  After most of a lifetime wondering as an agnostic, I found Jesus (as Protestants would say).  Once, I heard a preacher share a story about a man who stayed home while all his family went to Christmas midnight service.  Outside it was pouring and from his warm living room he peered out and saw a pigeon caught in the rainstorm.  The man realized his barn’s door was shut and feeling pity for the bird he rushed out to open it so that the pigeon might find refuge.  As he swung the door open the pigeon fluttered in the opposite direction terrified.  At that moment the man wished he could become a bird so that he could tell the terrified pigeon in a common language that it was ok to trust him and follow him to safety.  While he thought of transforming himself into a bird, he realized that God had done that through Jesus.  Everything made sense through that experience and he got into his car to join his family in worship. 

I often think of this story because in a way by listening to this “perhaps made up tale” I too realized why God became flesh.  I had heard of Jesus growing up, in my family we watched many films about his life and my mom would always comment on his miracles while we watched.  When I attended protestant churches, he became my friend, but I still wondered why Jesus?  Yet, to me life without Jesus wouldn’t make sense. Though I can be a skeptic, when it comes to Jesus, I BELIEVE.  Often, I thank God for creating me after Jesus walked this earth because I love having someone I can relate to, someone who makes sense to me because he is human like me.  A human who experiences life through his senses, who has a tangible body, a historical person who affects the world so much that the world’s calendar is organized around his existence!  I always marvel at how our pre-Christ Jewish ancestors had such strong faith in God without Jesus. I just don’t think I could because Jesus is my converting ticket.  Knowing that the Creator entered into His master piece because He so loved the world and getting to feast on the Eucharist is what fuels my conversion.  Having Him tangibly, in more than His creation, but in the flesh is what excites and helps me die to self.  The incarnation to me makes God relational- real in the most intimate way. Jesus makes God physically present in the world now not only up in His heavenly palace.  This closeness is what inspires and propels me.  Blessed be God for giving us Jesus!   
I haven’t forgotten that it’s thrifty Thursday. In this post I am sporting my latest find a Stella & Dot Crosby Hobo bag which is currently on sale for $149 bucks and I found mine brand new for $14.99!  The bag comes in a neutral woven chevron pattern and is vegan leather - meaning no animals were harmed in the process of making it (smile).  It’s also really roomy making it an ideal piece for lugging around classroom materials.  Actress Holly Robinson Peete was spotted carrying the same purse, making this another celebrity find.

The inside has a fun print and a cute message.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Directing Our Passions

I have been taking classes through my diocese to get my Master Catechist Certificate.  This month I began a four week class on intro to Catholic spiritual life.  I signed up for the class last fall when I enrolled in all my classes for the year and I didn’t realize that I would be going twice a week.  Though, last week we only had class on Tuesday because the instructor wasn’t able to attend Thursday night.  To be honest, I am thinking of dropping the class- I really don’t like it.  It’s the instructors first time teaching adults and she does very little teaching.  She formatted the classes so that the entire session is a sort of small group activity and I HATE group work.  I love lectures and learning facts – yet, in this class I am listening to personal testimonies for two plus hours.  This weekend I began reading the book assigned and at least the reading will be interesting.  I have been telling myself that I can suck it up for the next three weeks, so we'll see if I can muster the patience to make it to the end.  I was really spoiled with my first professor who I took my first two classes with (sigh)!  Am also bummed because the next two Thursdays were days that I had parish activities planned like visiting the door of mercy and attending our annual Angles baseball game.  Now with the class I will have to miss out.

The Master Catechist Certificate is a three year program in which students build a good foundation into the Catholic faith.  The classes required are a good mixture that give students a good introduction to various topics within our religion.  Since, I help with RCIA I figured it would be good for me to educate myself in a formal way and I am also hoping one day in the near future to work for the Catholic church.  In addition, I love to learn and so far the process has been really positive.  Yesterday, I read over the first chapters of The Holy Longing, in which I learned about how our spirituality drives us and how the saints learned to direct that energy in a way that built the kingdom.  It was interesting to learn more about this burning desire all living creatures have and how depending on how each channels it, it can build or disintegrate.  We all have a desire to be the best versions of ourselves, the secular world translates that to achieving power, wealth and fame - while the Catholic wants to be less of himself and more like Christ.  The book gives examples, like Janis Joplin who directed her passion towards sex, drugs, fame and this lead to an early death – her passion disintegrated.  On the other hand Mother Teresa used her passion to help the poor, the marginalized and to build the kingdom of God- this passion integrated, meaning it built up.  Mother Teresa used her passion to help others and the book argues that our passions must not only be directed in a way that keeps us integrated, but also in a way that help others.  From my own personal experience, I know that this longing inside me was only quenched by God.  No amounts of partying, alcohol or achieving titles & successes would satisfy.  It’s true when we serve others we not only get the biggest high, but service builds us up!  In a humble way we find meaning and purpose for our lives.  

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Thrifty Thursday: A History of the Satin Smoking Slipper

This year the number three has been a very special number for me, my pup turned lucky thirteen (I joke with my friends that I am saving for his quinceañera) and my blog turned three.  Very fittingly I thought that for today’s post I would feature a pair of silk loafers which I paid a mere three bucks.  These pastel beauties remind me of the 1800’s, when silk slippers were the rage among nobility.  They were so delicate back then, that when women went to balls they would have to take more than one pair because the soles would wear out.  In regards to the shape they are reminiscent of the penny loafer which originated in the 1930’s becoming popular among men and women.  The simple, understated shape make these shoes both practical and a piece that survives fashion trends.  Yet, my Charles Phillip Shanghai Yasmine loafers resemble more the smoking loafer which gained resurgence popularity in the sixties.  While the smoking slipper was a man’s shoe in the 90’s they were adopted by women and in late years they have returned!  Some would argue that it’s an androgynous shoe- but when it’s made of silk and covered in all- shades-of-pink-butterfly-wings I beg to differ.  The Charles Phillip Shanghai are a quality shoe that incorporates beauty with comfort.  After their launch in 2010 they took over celebrity closets.  
While I paid three bucks for my thrifted pair, they sale for over 150 bucks and have been seen in the likes of Jessica Alba, Rhianna and Taylor Swift.  So, there you have it a brief shoe history lesson on yet another great old find of mine.  I don’t wear them very often because they are so light in color that I am afraid to get them dirty, but yesterday I decided to wear them while I pondered over three of my favorite verses in the bible (smile).  I mean one has to look good in the presence of God too (wink).
 “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” – Revelation 3:20

One of the greatest gifts given to us by God is our free will.  Though He gets a bad rap for being intolerant and controlling– God always gives us a choice to choose Him or not to.  He doesn’t want us through force for love never coerces, but patiently waits.  This verse is special to me because at the first retreat that I went to (as an agnostic) I got a postcard of these words in painting.  The priest explained to us how there’s no door knob on the side where Jesus knocks because it’s up to us to open the door.  It’s up to us to let him in.  I really liked that, because Christians were always so forceful with me and here Jesus was stating the opposite.   

Dollar and I enjoying a day outside, he's eating a treat.


“….And under His wings you make seek refuge…” Psalm 91:4

I love the imagery of this verse because when I was little and scared; I often wanted to be so small that I would fit in the breast pocket of my dad’s shirt until I grew strong under his protection.  Now as an adult God tells me that it’s ok to be weak for in my weakness His strength is glorified.  That I am never too old to need God and He will always extend His wings to protect me as a hen gathers her chicks
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  - Romans 8:38-39

This one helped so much during the darkest moments in my life.  To know that nothing can separate us from our beloved gives us confidence and to know that we won’t be rejected no matter our shortcomings gives us courage.  It also gave me humility to accept that no matter my sins, the Sacrament of Confession will always wash me clean.  And God will always love me.

Of course – I have more than three favorite verses, but these are the ones that came to mind most quickly.  The thing about God’s word is that it’s so complete every time I pray using Lectio Divina the Spirit highlights different passages or words making His word always refreshing and new (smile).  I have many bibles, but this is the one that I use the most because it’s bilingual.  Though the English translation is not the best- I like that it fits my Spanish/English lifestyle.  What are some of your favorite verses? 

Monday, August 1, 2016

Happy 3rd Birthday In My Shoes!

On Saturday, I hit three years since I uploaded my first post announcing the beginning of my blog.  I remember the excitement, but mostly the insecurity that followed realizing the exposure I was voluntarily about to partake in… That first year was a huge learning experience in many ways.  Most notably it helped put inner order to a lot of changes that had  been taking place inside me and that order gave me new confidence in myself and in my faith.  As a believer in Christ I wanted to share my love for Him and my Catholic faith, but I wanted to do it in a way that was not all-in-your face.  It was also really important for me to portray my personal story honestly without cliché’s or stereotypes.  Lastly, I wanted to show a young, thriving, very-much-still-relevant Catholic culture.  Thus, the second year I became the Catholic socialite who attended many (and I mean many) fun events offered throughout my dioceses to feature here- hoping to show others that young Catholics are normal people who enjoy life just like anyone else.  As I closed on year two, I realized that I needed to cut back on the events because I was becoming like Martha doing too much and losing my Mary abilities to just be with God.  Yet, attending the various events helped me see that there’s a huge, young, genuine Catholic population and I met some amazing friends who assisted me in my ever growing conversion.  Meeting others like me, with the same values and love for God and His church filled me with confidence that helped me to accept my Catholic self.  This past year has been a mix mostly just personal testimony bits because I am no theologian and I don’t want to teach religion (I am still very much a student).  What I have learned is that while I was hoping that in my non-pushy way I would help bring others to Christ- God had other plans… I am the one that went through the most evangelization!  Three years later and my faith is rooted in good soil (smile), but I am still learning, still growing, still falling madly in love with my Creator.
Penny & Dollar
I read other blogs, and many are very successful; so, as I thought about this post I became a bit insecure because this blog remains constant.  Though it’s public for anyone to read, I haven’t really promoted it outside of my circle of friends, mainly because though I have things to say I am also a private person.  In addition, I am very technologically challenged, it was a miracle I taught myself how to operate blogger!  Thus, in terms of popularity I don’t think I have succeeded, nor have I achieved fame or made money writing either.  So, what keeps me going you might ask?  Three things: the love of the writing, the need for self-expression and the desire to share my story.
Love:  Words are powerful weapons and must be used with caution.  They can instantly transport to the most beautiful paradise, heighten experiences with their sensuality, can be exaltations to some of the most extraordinary experiences - they can unite, encourage and if they come from the right person make one feel supreme.  Words and syntax are fascinating!  In the right order words are glimpses of God’s soul.  I need to write- it’s not just a passion it’s a need.  When I am angry, sad, or lost I must write to alleviate the confusion, to find the purpose and the hope to go on.  It’s actively seeking solutions- ways to leave the dark ink and receive the lightness of paper.  When I am happy, I listen – I read. I let verses inspire whether it’s through classic novels, lyrics, poetry or a good quote from a film.  This little known space is my needs answered as Gibran would say.       
My medusa bday crown.
Grooviest rainbow Betsey Johnson Sandals!
Self-Expression:  I still have a journal (which I probably called a diary back then) from when I was in Junior High.  It’s got the typical "keep out," "don’t read" warnings – it makes me laugh because they are mostly narratives of daily tasks quite boring stuff actually.  Am sure if someone came across it they wouldn’t need the warning in order to quickly put it down, though if this said person persevere he might learn the code name of my sixth grade crush.  Yes, even back then I used fake aliases.  And even then I had the need to express myself.  I have a terrible memory so I always jotted things down in case some day I would need to recall details or even write my autobiography (smile).  I had big plans back then.
Need to Share my Faith Story:  I never imagined that I would be Catholic.  Of all the things I strived for in life becoming a religious person was not on my list of things to do before I die.  I’ve read a title that refers to C.S. Lewis as the most reluctant convert- well I am the most reluctant revert!  When my brother was dying I made a silent vow that I would give God a chance, when he died I needed to believe in life after death or I wouldn't have survived the loss.  Yet, I didn’t want to change.  I wanted God to fit into my way of life; thus, I started looking for a church that would be the most liberal and asked the least of me.  It’s funny because I ended at the church that is most conservative and asks the most of me!  Am telling you, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.”  Therefore, I felt that my reversion narrative deserved to be told, so that those like my old self can hear the Good News.  I felt like one of those people that lose a lot of weight and want to motivate others to live healthy by showing others the before and after (sometimes when we know the person who lost the weight it's easier for us to trust and be motivated to try a change). I wanted those I love, who I am close to- to see me my before and after and hopefully see a change that inspired them to seek God. A sad, broken, lost me before and a SO HAPPY me after (BIG SMILE).
In person I am still trying to be a better evangelizer – though most of the time I adopt Saint Francis’ method “if necessary use words.”  Preaching or getting into spiritual debates it’s not my way because it didn’t work for me.  When good willing Christians wanted to convert my old self through such methods they just gave me fuel to push me further away.  Thus, this blog is my way of saying, “hey, you, come and hear my story.”  So, if you are interested come and hear my story going into year four!  It’s a story of a sinner who is constantly being redeemed by God, of a sinner who tries not to tire of asking God for forgiveness, of a sinner who without God would seize to exist. Happy Birthday little blog, paz y bien.
Thank you for your support!