In Solidarity

This week has been such a difficult week for the church, I have cried a lot sometimes I wonder if I am taking things too personally, but I love Pope Francis so much that I hurt thinking he might be involved in a cover-up.  What will it mean to me as a Catholic if a man that I have placed in such a high pedestal, a man I’ve admired and gotten to know as my Spiritual Father is guilty of the accusations that so many without concrete evidence are desiring to see him pay.  I feel like it’s the Salem Witch Trials again and some without requiring a full investigation are ready to burn him at the stake.  This quick to judge mentality is what makes me most sad, I feel a great division in our church and it’s scary because I have always naively thought of the church as a utopian society that leads us to God.  This week, I have seen the imperfect humanity that makes up the church and I wonder if both God and imperfection can coexist? Can we have a future together?

Per Thomas Traherne:

“Love can forbear, love can forgive… but Love can never be reconciled to an unlovely object… He can never therefore be reconciled to sin, because sin itself is incapable of being altered; but He may be reconciled to your person, because that may be restored.”

From the moment we were created we have been courted by sin, all of us at times falling to its entrapment.  I think that’s why the narrative of Jesus drawing a line on the ground and saying, “he that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone,” resonates as deeply as it did two-thousand years ago.  We are all sinners, Pope Francis has continuously admitted that even a man of his position is still not without the stains of sin and in need of God’s mercy.  It is these genuine declarations that have attracted me to him and to think that he was living a double life, one where he didn’t practice what he preached seems to me like a grave and terrible contradiction -even betrayal.  I am a truth seeker and want to find the truth behind Archbishop Vigano’s accusations, but in doing so I don’t believe we prematurely need Pope Francis’ head on a platter.  He has the right to due process.

I have this weakness, sometimes I see God in people and make them into little gods.  Through my admiration, I have done this with Pope Francis.  He has become my face of God, the tangible presence of my Savior because I can be a materialist needing physicality to see God.  I still hope that he will speak and share his side of the story, because we truly need to hear it.  However, God has reminded me that He is bigger than the pope, bigger than sin.  God restores when things fall apart and while the Church seems to be hitting rock bottom, when one is at the bottom there’s only UP to go.

I have been praying for my pope and I hope the truth will come to light but I won’t unjustly condemn him, after all who am I to judge?

My Weekend in Pictures

Hope you had a good weekend… Mine was a cause for celebration from healing physically and spiritually to celebrating one spoiled pup!

I got my stitches removed on Friday from the inside of my lip!  Hip-hip hooray.  Last week I went in for a dental procedure and the dentist accidentally cut me from the inside of mouth all the way out and over my lip.  The outside cut was superficial, but inside I had to get stitches. My nephew said I looked like a pirate with my temporary scar, luckily if has healed and I am back to eating and looking normally!

I was able to go to confession on Saturday.  Even though I try to go every couple months, it hasn’t gotten easier.  It still requires a lot of humility to admit my wrongs and my need for God’s grace.  Sometimes my shame is so great that I take the position of hiding behind the screen so that my confession will be completely anonymous.  I usually go in with a sense of defeat, a list that sometimes includes the same weaknesses and I wonder if I will ever be free of the bad habits that posses me?  After I give voice to my weaknesses there’s immediate relief as if just voicing them releases them from their strong possession.  Then, Father motivates and encourages me to continue growing, giving me advice and prayers to help me in the good battle before absolution.  As I sit in the pew after exiting the confessional I feel such deep joy one blended in hope that perhaps change is possible, that holiness can occur in my life with the help of the Church.   

National Dog Day, occurred on Sunday and one pup was spoiled to the core.  It’s such a different experience having a senior dog.  Dollar is mostly deaf, has agility issues and is losing his eyesight- even though he’s the same dog I’ve had for the past fifteen years he requires a bit more attention and a slower lifestyle with many adjustments.  Even so, he is so loved and cared for by the whole pack.  My parents shower him with attention – we all love him very much, no matter how old he gets.

Hope you had an equally full weekend. One in which the normal day things fill you with optimism for what lays ahead, because life is an adventure. Besos! 

Finding God in the Natural World

Where do you find God? Years ago, I met an engineer who worked for NASA and he proudly shared how he had stumped a couple of Mormons when he told them that he had been out into the depths of space and didn’t see God or the heavens.  “Where is he?” He asked them.  I had just found God myself and had been reading one of my favorites from CS Lewis, The Weight of Glory, in it Lewis states that people miss God simply because they are looking for Him with the wrong set of eyes.  Thus, if you can’t see Him in your daily encounters, chances are that you will also miss Him in the grandeur.  When I was an agnostic I lived in such a rush working two jobs, while I went to university, and heavily partying that I thought God just didn’t frequent the places where I lived at.  Nature was a natural process that didn’t require my admiration, it simply existed as much of an accident as I.  It served me and I being its master wouldn’t lower myself to smell the flowers because the flowers would always be there.  This sense of entitlement is what blocks our vision from seeing and encountering God.

During my agnostic phase I had a Christian friend who would get so inspired simply by admiring the sky.  When I was with her she would point out the beauty that I missed every day because I was in such a hurry to get from one place to the other.  I used to admire her marvel towards creation and I promised myself that after I had conquered the world I would make time to enjoy a sunset…  As an Agnostic I visited the Amazon Jungle, spent two weeks in seclusion and I remembered being so drawn by my surroundings that I secretly told myself that if heaven existed it would look just like traveling down the Amazon River by day or night.  However, without God - admiring the natural splendor is incomplete, taking all of the magic in is like reading a poem without an author to thank.  The more I encountered beauty the more I felt this great desire to say, “thank you.”  Beauty draws us to God!

I grew up in a country town, with animals and the most beautiful forests; but, when I moved to the big city life of California I forgot about nature in trying to fit in with my new surroundings.  I pushed it so hard out of my consciousness that it wasn’t until I found God that He resuscitated my love for creation.  Today, I love spending time in front of the tabernacle just as much as I love spending time admiring His gifts of creation.  He returned my eyesight and today I marvel at the variety of species He gave us.  I was looking at the diversity of cacti the other day, when I visited a green house, some are large some are small, some are prickly some are soft…  This variation is captured throughout creation, how can anyone believe that an accidental burst could create such richness in beauty?  The more I spend time in nature the more I know God is real and the more I realize that if you can’t see Him in your daily lives chances are you won’t anywhere else, because CS Lewis is right God gives us special vision one driven by truth in beauty. 

My August Reading List

I love reading... Books have fascinated me from the moment I learned to read.  Through their pages I have taken fantastical voyages, voyages that helped me escape during a time in my life when I needed to leave the chaos of my normal existence. One book among all, led me to university and because of that simple yet so relatable story from the imagination of Sandra Cisneros, The House on Mango Street, inspired me to dream big.  Years later, a book would come that equally transformed my life in terms of spirituality, a book of facts that helped begin another journey one that would reconcile me with my Catholic faith, Lee Stroble's The Case for Christ.  Am not sure your experience with books if you think of them as close friends, if you have ones that you love and owe so much, if when meeting their authors you get as giddy as if meeting a celebrity or famous athlete; to me they have always been my closest companions.  Thus, I think that I need to incorporate a post that highlights the books that I am currently reading.  Today, I don't read fiction as much as I used to, now my books are mostly educational- but I do miss reading the classics.

Here are the three that I am reading this month:

Francis of Assisi a Revolutionary Life by Adrian House

This is a comprehensive biography on my favorite (yes I said favorite) saint, Saint Francis of Assisi.  Since I began my Secular Franciscan formation I have been reading a lot on the life of this particular saint.  Yet, each biographer takes such a different approach at describing and highlighting the life of one of the Church's most beloved men.  House gives one of the most detailed accounts I have yet to read and paints such an insightful narrative.  The author also reflects on the times when Francis was alive and how the historical events happening affected and formed him into the saint he would become.  A great book for those who want to know more than the surface details surrounding this legendary figure.

Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free By Nancy Lee De Moss

I love this book, I partially ready it when I first came back to the church and I am reading it again.  I plan on doing a more detailed post on this one because it has such great information that relates to the messages that women often hear in society or the media and how these messages can seriously damage our self-esteem, especially in our youth.  It helped free me in many ways by exposing the truth on something as simple as the effects of photoshopped photos, the morphed reality that these images speak and the damaging effects such images produce.

Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now by Maya Angelou

This is a lovely autobiographical compilation of short narratives from the life of a contemporary great, Maya Angelou.  This is one of my favorites (of hers), I often give it away as a gift and it's also one that I reread because the short stories give me much nourishment.  I pulled it from my bookshelf when I got the bad news that I was being laid off because there's a great short story about a time that Angelou lost her job and the inspiring words her mother gave her.  I emailed it to my coworkers and like me they found a lot of encouragement in Angelou's words.  Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now is composed of reflections that Angelou wrote later in her life and they are so full of wisdom, words that not only give hope, but in her poetical style encourage us to keep going.

Hope you enjoyed this months reading selection (smile).

Evangelizing on a Lyft Ride

On Sunday, before flying home I went to the Cathedral of Our Lady of Lourdes in Spokane.  After the service I stayed for a good amount of time enjoying the beautiful stained glass windows, each depicting a scene from the life of Jesus before I was ready to call for a ride to the airport.  I didn't realize that the Lyft driver would be so curious by the location where he picked me up at. While I was looking forward to a quiet twenty-minute ride to the airport, God had evangelizing plans.

First, the Lyft driver asked me if I was Catholic, then if I often went to Mass, then if I believed in the "transformation" using his terminology of bread and wine...  The questions kept coming and I was getting uncomfortable not knowing where he stood - whether he was aiming to pick a fight.  I tried to change the conversation numerous times, but he continued bringing it back to God. I finally asked Him if he was a believer and he told me that once he had accepted God as Lord and Savior and that he believed in Jesus.  That  he had been involved with a non-denominational church, but no longer went.  I asked him why he stopped and he said he was a drug addict, that he had struggled with drugs most of his life and finally had gotten sober, but that he was struggling again.

I was quite stunned by his honest sharing because he seemed like a private person.  When he first picked me up he got out of the car never made eye contact placed my luggage in the trunk and then clumsily began a conversation.  He was intrigued by the pick up location and  wasn't interested in changing the subject even though religion can be quite a sensitive topic and finally I surrendered.  I understood that God wanted me to share my faith and so I did.  I listened to his story and suggested he return to God and never let go.  I shared that I had also gone through struggles and these struggles led me to God and since I had been led to Him there was no way I was letting Jesus go.  To be honest I was quite uncomfortable by the whole experience because I was taken out of my comfort zone, speaking to a stranger impromptu about God and my struggles.  I kept thinking that the extra time I spent inside the Cathedral praying was in a way preparing me for this encounter.

As I saw the Southwest Terminal I let out a sigh of relief realizing the ride was over, but before I got out the car, I heard God tell me the driver needed a hug.  So, as he set my  luggage on the ground I extended my arms and remembering the name I saw on the Lyft application, I stated his name (I seriously heard God tell me you have to call the young man by name) and told him I would pray for him.  That's when he finally looked me in the eye, smiled and sheepishly slipped, "God bless you."  Through this encounter I realized many things, but the most prevalent is that even on vacation I need to be on evangelizing mode, I need to be prepared to share my faith.  Never did I imagine that during a short Lyft drive I would find a person with so much need for Jesus.  Initially I was hesitant to share my faith and though this might sound crazy, I heard God whispering directions and I obeyed as best as I could. It was my first time using the Lyft app, on my first ride from my hotel to the cathedral the driver gave me his name and asked me to pray for him...  On the second, I heard a painful testimony and offered him God's hope and redemption.  I wonder if all Lyft drives are this religious or if I have found the new form of evangelization - one Lyft drive at a time (smile)?     

Sacrament of Marriage : A Unifying Vocation

This weekend, I took a three day trip to Spokane, Washington for a friend's wedding.  After moving back to Washington from California, my friend met her now husband during Sunday Mass- talk about a match made in heaven!  She was sitting behind a young man in the pews, he noticed that she was new to the parish and after introducing himself, like the gentleman that he is, he took it upon himself to introduce her to the rest of the parish community.  Their friendship flourished attending their young adult ministry and serving together in Lifeteen.  After a good courtship he proposed at the brewery where they had their first date and on Saturday, they joined in Holy Matrimony...

They specifically asked not to take any pictures during the religious ceremony (I was almost perfect, but I did manage to steal one at the end) as they wanted their guests to enjoy the service. And what a beautiful service it was- with the best personalized programs for the guests to follow whether Catholic or not.  I loved that before each reading they added a short vignette on why they choose the readings that they did.  Thus, when the readings were read they sounded different than normal because we got  to hear them from the couple's perception.  The priest who celebrated the service has a great relationship with the couple and it really felt like a close friend was officiating the wedding.  I had tears in my eyes at several points during the ceremony, especially during the homily and the vows.  The couple are so on fire for God that during the vows they spoke the words LOUD so that everyone would hear what they were promising each other and God.  It was so loud that at first it produced giggles in the community because it seemed like they were desperate to say yes to one another- which I think all lovers are when they have found each other. Through their vocal vows the union of the two under God was so clear, so perfect.  It almost made me cry because I felt God smiling and felt sorry for all those that don't invite Him in... Father not only personalized the service for the couple, but also through his words gave much hope to all those present whether married or single.  I felt inspired and joyful knowing that God has a perfect plan for my life, that He has it all taken care of - all that's required is a little bit of trust.

After the service, we headed to the reception for another memorable moment when the father of the bride gave his speech.  He highlighted on his special relationship with his daughter and then gave us something to think about by proposing the question, "why do people come from all over for weddings?" In his case his son-in-law had members from Germany, Jerusalem and other Middle Eastern countries, so he concluded that weddings unify.  Through the marriage of my friend and her hubby people from all over the world became family.  I thought that unity was illustrated beautiful at this wedding.  The reception was a fushion of cultures, music and merriment.  It was my first Arab wedding and I absolutely loved the music and the cultural traditions that were incorporated and fused with American.  It was like a glimpse of heaven - no matter where we come from we are brothers in Christ. 

Meeting Ordinary Saints Along the Journey

When I was in High School, I lived in a two bedroom apartment with eighteen people in it, my family and my uncle’s family.  Both my father and my uncle were alcoholics and every weekend they would get so drunk that my uncle would beat my aunt and my dad would be too drunk to help stop the fight, so I had to help pull my uncle off of my aunt.  Not only were we poor, had members with addiction problems, but also witnessed domestic violence.  The chaos in my home affected me quite dramatically.  It brought a lot of shame, so much that I felt I needed to hide the imperfections of my home from everyone especially my classmates. I was ashamed of the apartment I lived at, the things that went inside and the people in it.  This shame prevented me from letting people get too near afraid they would see my life up close and reject me.  It also kept me from trying things that took me out of my comfort zone, like joining the basketball team because then protecting my family secrets would get too difficult. 

Though, I grew up with many bad role models, my mother was my shinning light.  She tried very hard to instill some normalcy within the chaos, she fought for me and encouraged me to do my best.  Research shows that difference between people who succeed and those who don’t is just one person, one person to believe and encourage and that’s what my mother did with me.  Though most of my cousins were getting involved in drinking and sex, my mother pushed me to do my best- she showed me that I could have more than the crappiness that surrounded me.  So many variables are in opposition to success for kids like myself.  The school dropout rates is twice the normal, risky behavior increases as does teen pregnancy and getting STDs. 

When I was teaching High School English, in my low classes I had mostly Latino students and they often jokingly said that they didn’t need to study because Mexican’s weren’t known to be studious.  They were receiving messages from their communities that they weren’t as smart as other ethnic groups, thus they didn’t even need to try.  Through this classroom sharing, I learned that the environment we grow up in matters, these kids throughout their lives heard that they weren’t smart and they believed it.  If parents aren’t around because they have to work two jobs and when they are around they abuse drugs and alcohol this has detrimental consequences on adolescents.  Consequences that lead children to want to escape by getting involved with the wrong people and engage in risky behaviors because they are trying to survive instead of thrive.  If parents are absent and if the family is weak then the streets can become their teachers.  In addition, witnessing violence, drug use and not having access to basic needs can foster a sense of hopelessness and depression.  When youths have increasing levels of depression and high levels of stress learning is not a priority.  Thus, instead of making better choices they repeat patterns that lead them to school dropout or other negative consequences.

It’s interesting to reflect on all the variables that young people face, especially those that begin with poverty against them because it is through this reflection that we can learn compassion and not judgment.  I went to a Juvenile Detention Center once and all the kids in there were just teens that had all the odds against them.  I talked to some and they all wished they had made better choices.  Unlike me, they lacked one person that believed in them to tell them they could have a different life and therefore we can’t judge them.  We must love them.

My mother loved me through the most difficult parts of my life in action and prayer.  She might have been poor in economics, but she has passed so much in wisdom.  She’s my Saint Monica who prayed without ceasing, without losing hope that one day I wouldn’t just succeed, but that I would most importantly find God.  I’ve been reading a book about the saints unaware that accompany us here on earth, and while my mother has her flaws she truly is the most amazing woman I know.  I have seen the way she has handled poverty, alcoholism, violence, loss… And she has done so triumphantly because of her strong faith.  She’s always laughing, the silliest person I know; but every day on schedule she retreats to her room to pray.  When we go to Mexico she packs so much stuff and keeps a sum of money to hand away to those she sees in need.  She has a patient, servant and charitable heart – her most frequent prayer is, “Lord, place someone in my path who needs my help.” 

The world is in crisis with so many ills it’s difficult to see the many joyful souls giving good witness to God, but not impossible.  A tiny light can still overcome darkness (smile).

Top Five Thrift Shops in OC

I have been asked numerous times to disclose the locations of my favorite thrift stores.  Thus, I figured I would dedicate a post on the locations in Orange County where I usually shop at.  Some people believe that like in real estate location is key in finding good deals, to some degree I guess this plays a role, but I think that it’s just a matter of luck and persistence.  My top thrift stores have more to do with the fact that they are located within minutes from my home than being known as posh locations.

Salvation Army 17362 Beach Blvd, Huntington Beach, CA

This is probably the store where I am most frequently at because it’s literally behind my house, the staff and I are already on first-name basis.  The store is one of the dirtier shops, but I tend to find quite a lot of treasures beneath the dust.  The staff also already know what I like so when I am there they point me to things that they’ve just received. 

OC Goodwill Boutique 18631 Beach Blvd, Huntington Beach, CA

This is a fancier thrift store hence “boutique,” so sometimes prices can run higher.  They get a lot of things in brand new condition, usually castoffs from Target.  The inside is very clean and well organized.  Every day they have color of the day markdowns so pay attention to those when shopping at any Goodwill.    

Anyone need a Franciscan band?

Goodwill at 97079 Adams Ave, Huntington Beach, CA

Am not sure if the manager of this store has a thing with Feng Shui, but in the years I have shopped there the inside of the store gets moved around quite often.  I might be crazy, but when the shoe area is in the middle I tend to find better things (smile).   There’s nothing remarkable about the store just your typical Goodwill. 

Goodwill Store & Donation Center 2118 Bristol St, Santa Ana, CA

Sometimes when I need to unwind from a hectic day at the office, I’ll take a lunch break and drop in this store.  This is a little gem of place, the first time I stopped by it was so dirty that I thought I would never return, but recently it has been remodeled.  New management have improved the store quite nicely so it has become a place where I can go when I need a little downtime.

Salvation Army 16119 Brookhurst St, Fountain Valley, CA

At this location you can find quite a lot of furniture.  A funny story, I once found a piece owned by a well-known celebrity.  I came across this white leather with silver studs sofa chair and along with the price tag it had a message that it had been used by in a Katy Perry music video.  Not sure if it was a sales gimmick, but it worked because it sold immediately.

Savers 9091 Garfield Ave, Fountain Valley, CA

In terms of prices I think this can be one of the more expensive stores, but it’s also very clean and organized.  They have the BEST used book section than any other thrift store I have ever been to and their books are actually organized by genre.  The books are higher priced than your usual thrift store, but they are still a bargain.  A tip of advice, if you go and take a donation you will receive a thirty-percent coupon which you can use on your purchase.   

Hope you enjoy exploring some of my favorite shops.

Be a Friend First

I’ve never been any good at romantic relationships, mostly because I overthink things until I lose my peace of mind and then I just walk away even though all the problems were created in my head.  A few years ago Father, told me that I need to see the opposite sex as friends.  That when I look at others as I would a friend then things develop in a healthy manner because I am not in flight or fight mode.  The pressure is off and I am not judging the other as whether he is compatible or not with me- I am just allowing the relationship to grow organically. Be a friend, Father kept stressing and I think he repeated it during our conversation because when we are attracted to another person we need to continuously remind ourselves to be a friend - and a good one too.  I’ve often heard women who have been happily married describe their husbands as their best friend and I believe this type of closeness begins in the initial stages of friendship long before the romance.  

There’s this country song which lyrics say, “I want a man that stands beside me. Not in front of or behind me.”  When two people begin as friends, they begin walking side by side learning to synchronize with one another.  For example, I have been observing my birds (I recently rescued a second cockatiel, now I have a male and female) and when they began getting to know each other the male bird would take two steps towards the female and then one back.  He kept doing this until eventually he trusted that she wouldn’t try to peck at him and when he gained enough trust he stood next to her.  As I saw this slow progression this forward and backward dance I realized how much I behave like that when I want to get to know another.  I take a step forward then I lose my nerve (or usually freak out) and take a step back.  Yet, though subtle my female bird by staying firm in place encouraged the male bird to come closer.  I think in human relationships friendship is the environment that encourages both parties to gain trust and come closer to one another.

When I was in Junior High I got called into the principal’s office, she had a frame with the following words engraved, “a friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you today just the way you are.”  I was so moved by that quote because it taught me that friends accept, understand and support one another and I craved to have a friend like that and was also encouraged to be that type of person.  Later, I learned that friends provide a safe haven for real love to grow – I can be me (no need to show only my best self) and be loved.  Yet, when you add “boy” in front of “friend” I learned that those relationships followed a different protocol.  There was an element of fantasy, that’s why studies show that the first three months in a romantic relationship both parties are trying to show only the best characteristics, but after three months the truth begins to be revealed.  However, if I follow Father’s advice and learn to be a friend in all situations then the pressure for self-acceptance diminishes, a safe haven is slowly created for genuine “real” love to grow...  Obviously romantic relationships are different than friendships, but the change occurs after the relationship has been labeled and establish.  Before the “boy” or “girl” gets added to “friend” we are just left with friend.  Thus, all romantic relationships have a strong foundation when they begin in friendship (smile).    

While some of us have little experience in romantic relationships (myself included) most of us have been successful in making and keeping friends.  Thus, if we start with a concept that we are familiar, like being friends then we reap the wonderful bounty of acceptance, understanding, support, safety, low pressure and eventually real love.  It's also a way of guarding our hearts.  Sometimes there will be hiccups along the way, but those are just opportunities to grow in friendship.