Boundaries
are good. I remember when I used to
teach high school on the first day of class as we went over the classroom rules
I would always share with my students the importance of following rules. “Let’s take for example,” I would say, “that
one morning one person decided that he was not going to stop at red lights- can
you imagine the destruction that would cause? When we drive we rely on others
keeping the rules for our safety.” In
order to create an environment conducive to growth we must set and abide by rules. This order provides a sense of safety and
safety allows us to take risks knowing that we won’t fall to our demise. Rules
also clarify expectations and show us our roles within any given relationship. I love the first account of creation in the
book of Genesis because God establishes that order is good. In six days He creates in an
orderly manner and gives man duties and rules.
One of the things I love about our Creator is that He is a God of order,
He doesn’t like chaos and always wants us to live in harmony. Our past history shows time and again, God’s
efforts to reestablish harmony after our repeated attempts to fall into chaos. After numerous tries, we come to understand
that on our own we are unable to live in everlasting peace (we just always find
a way to mess it up); thus, God gives us Jesus as His final way to bring us
back to Him were we find eternal peace and harmony. Catholicism gets a bad rap, people associate
it with the “no” religion because people misunderstand that rules are good for
us. When there is love (and love is God)
order is always present.
I remember growing
up my mom gave me what then seemed like a ton of limitations. She gave me a really early curfew, if I went
out I needed to leave contact information and she needed to meet the people
before I left the house, the clothes I wore needed her approval, I always
needed to ask for permission to attend any school or extracurricular event, if
one of my friends didn’t meet her approval she would ask me to rethink that friendship
and wouldn’t let me hang out with the girl friend outside of school… I remember
I used to envy girls at school who had no rules and whose parents gave them all
the freedom that I was lacking. Yet,
when I graduated from university I realized that if my mom hadn’t imposed all
those rules (especially during the troublesome years of adolescence) I would
probably have ended pregnant and working to make ends meet like many of the
girls I had envied did. Rules sometimes
feel like an imposition and even like there’s no love. Especially in these modern times where
relativism is the new world philosophy and the mindset that there’s no absolutes
between good and bad has consumed many of the mindsets of developed countries. Yet, if one has had the blessing of having good parents or is a parent we can better understand that the old, traditional,
family values by establishing high morality really are creating a safe environment for
the better development of our children. Furthermore,
if anyone has been in love before, we experience this desire for the best in our beloved
and usually the best is reached through discipline. In lighter terms, the greatest athletes
develop their talents by setting rules and abiding to a set order. Thus, when there are so many examples in a healthy
society based on the following of established ways of government how can we say
rules are bad? If anything rules are good- they guide, protect and inspire us to
grow and succeed.
In order to
win a game, we need to know the rules first.
My nephew likes to play Monopoly.
The other day he had a friend over and they decided to play the board game.
Before the game began my nephew explained the rules to his friend. As I watched this exchange between the two, I
realized how even in the most trivial life experiences rules are still essential. Boundaries help win games, but in
a more personal level they create healthy relationships. When a boundary is clearly defined and
respected- we don’t need to set up walls anymore, we begin to trust and to
learn how to act towards our beloved. Weak
boundaries leave us vulnerable, but a healthy set of expectations will produce
respect and show us how to treat one another well and protect us from
exploitive relationships. Also, regarding
the matter of fear- when there are clear expectations fear diminishes and our
actions are motivated by love and not insecurity. We are no longer easily hurt or offended
because we have developed a mutual understanding of how things work between the
two. All this shedding of insecurities,
fears and negativity are made possible by creating order and building together
harmoniously. God knew the importance of
order that’s why He created the law or covenant with our ancestors. Our church shares in this wisdom in keeping
order and structure throughout time- even when it’s tested and ridiculed – it still
chooses God’s way because His truth is eternal and the only way to real
happiness and peace.
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