Perfect Love Casts Out Fear

Since the fall of man there has been disputes in relationships, Adam blamed God for giving him the woman who seduced him into temptation and Eve blamed the serpent- neither took responsibility for his/her actions.  Gone was the perfect relationship that God had blessed the two with and now because of sin they felt fear and shame.  Since then, this fear and shame threatens all new relationships whether it be friendship, boyfriend-girlfriend, husband-wife…  As we begin to open ourselves to a new person there’s three fears that we all encounter.  First, the fear of being seen as I really am, especially those traits that I consider my weaknesses.  Those traits that even I don’t like in myself or accept and those areas that are works in progress.  This fear of exposure makes me want to keep my distance or to hide because to be seen as I really am and then be rejected will inflict great pain.  Yet, for a friendship to grow or any other type of relationship there needs to be this mutual undressing of self, this mutual revealing of our true, honest, authentic selves.  Though shame can makes us want to keep our distance because it brings negative side effects (like nervousness, fear of embarrassment and humiliation and makes us more self-conscious) we must overcome these negative emotions asking God to give us His courage and strength.  Second, there’s the fear of disapproval and this makes us defensive and critical. "Before you reject me, I will reject you," is the typical mentality.  This fear that because we disagree you will run for the hills makes me hold back and during weaker moments, retaliate.   This fear leads to the fear of losing control and makes us demanding, my way or the highway is the common attitude.  The question is why am I afraid to show you who I am?  Rejection.  Though I love myself and am learning to make peace with my current weaknesses and have hopes of becoming a better me in the time to come - rejection can have quite a paralyzing effect.  It’s as if the new relationship brings with it a mirror that constantly shows me my flawed reflection, my insecurities and inexperience…  It takes courage to make it past all these fears, and it also takes a lot of God, for perfect love casts out all fears.

The antidote to these insecurities brought by new relationships is to learn to live in God’s love for where God’s love is present no fear is found- Perfect love casts out fear.  The closer I get to God the more I will rid myself of fears and insecurities.  The shame will diminish or be healed and in its place confidence in myself and in God will grow.  As I begin to figure out how God loves me I will be able to love others as He loves me.  In fact He tells us, “This is my commandment, that you should love one another as I have loved you.”  And how does God love us?  First, He completely accepts us, which means that if we are rejected by another person we will always have God to heal us, to help us start again and most importantly to love us.  This dependence on God enables our relationships with others to be healthy and not codependent.  Sometimes we think if I was perfect everyone would like me, but Jesus was perfect and not everyone liked him.  Yet, he didn’t depend on the love of others for his happiness or self-identity - he leaned on God when he felt weak and vulnerable and God never failed him.  Secondly, God loves us unconditionally meaning that no matter the rotten sinner we are right now or the holiest of saints He loves us equally, constantly and forever- as much today as He will tomorrow.  Thirdly, we are forgiven.  As Pope Francis said, “The lord never tires of forgiving (us).  It is we who tire of asking for forgiveness.”  Lastly, to God we are extremely valuable.  Value depends on who owns it and what someone is willing to pay for it.  We belong to God and He paid for us with the life of his Son, Jesus Christ! 

"Love never stops being patient (it extends grace), never stops believing (always has faith), never stops hoping (always expects the best) and NEVER gives up (endures the worst)."

It makes me so happy to think of the complete way that God loves me, but when I think that that’s how I need to love others it overwhelms me.  I need to completely accept others, love them unconditionally, always forgive them and never forget their value.  Those are difficult orders.  That’s why every morning we need to surrender our hearts to God.  I need to ask Him to come into my heart and cast out my fears and to help me give that same love He gives me to others and to do it consistently not just when I feel like it.  Sometimes I don’t want to post anything on Facebook, but I think that routine usually communicates that all is well so I do it thinking of you.  It’s my way of doing what Mother Teresa said, “Do small things with great love.”  Consistency is huge in earning trust.  After we surrender our hearts to God we must remind ourselves how God loves us. Let's recall daily, God loves us completely, unconditionally, with never ending forgiveness and we are most valuable to Him.  Then we must offer that same love to others.  Just like God loves us we must love everyone and as we begin to change our focus on loving and not how others love us we begin to free ourselves of fear and shame.  As we begin to love others the way God loves us we give others an opportunity to respond to that offering.  How they respond ultimately should not devastate us because we will always have God.  I love Pope Francis specifically because I see this manifestation of God’s love in him and through him.  During the special on 20/20, “The Pope and the People,” there was this moment where He speaks to a Texas nun and he laughs and says very jovial (in Spanish), “I don’t think a Pope is supposed to say these things, but sisters I love you so much!”  We can learn so much from our Papa Francisco!    

*Some of the ideas taken from a talk given by Rick Warren.