We are on the Same Team

Happy Monday!  When I was in high school I was known as the Laker girl because I was fascinated by basketball and loved the Lakers.  I was known to never miss a game and to be able to recite statistics with ease.  My email (to this day) is a tribute to my favorite player Ms. Van Exel.  It was just a phase that after high school I grew out of.  Yet, after many years of watching basketball and playing on a team I learned some skills that have been extremely helpful in my personal life… I have been thinking about how trust is built among two people and I realized that it helps to realize that both are working on the same team.  Players trust that as the ball is passed to other team members they are working together to score points and win.  Similarly, as a friendship begins it’s important to begin to develop the mentality that both people are working for the same team.  Sometimes when we think of guarding our hearts we think we must do this alone or apart from the object of our affections and this leads to a lot of hurt feelings and misunderstandings because each person is working for their own survival.  I get hurt due to a misunderstanding and suddenly I see my beloved as the enemy (and vice versa).  Sometimes this causes me to retaliate expanding the problem further or it causes me to retreat in search of protection.  However, I think that as time goes by there needs to be a shift from self to the duo. A decision must be made that we both like each other and have the same goal of cultivating a friendship and exchanging love amongst brother and sister in Christ.  Thus, it is inaccurate, erroneous- even deceitful to think that each person is wanting to intentionally inflict injury on the beloved.  Understanding that we are part of the same team creates unity, safety and a foundation for growth and creativity.

In basketball, the players have the same objective, winning, and they know that in order for victory they need each other to work as members of the same team.  In matters of two, there needs to be a same goal.  Initially to develop a godly friendship.  Nonetheless, Love, even philia, creates.  Thus, with the passage of time this friendship will mature and as it grows it will demand greater trust, surrender and devotion.  However, God gave us time as a way to grow gradually without going so fast that we feel insecure, overwhelmed or hurried.  God is our Team Captain.  He wants us to enjoy every step of the relationship and to call to Him when we feel insecure or like we want to quit or when we are struggling to understand if this relationship is part of His will.  This image of God as the leader of the two will also help in creating a safe foundation because it reinforces that we are part of the same team (smile).  Knowing we are both working for God’s team helps me realize that my beloved will never try to intentionally hurt me and when I am hurt to accept that it wasn’t done maliciously, rather an effect of a misunderstanding.  

All great teams spend hours practicing together.  They learn to build trust, to communicate and get to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses.  Communication is important, and goes beyond words.  Learning the unspoken language of each person and the weight of their actions reveals more than words will.  Saint Francis of Assisi has this famous line, “if necessary use words,” meaning that our testimony of life speaks louder.  On the court the players rarely use words, it’s a matter of body language and eye contact.  Off the court, in a team of two that same level of communication needs to develop- the non-verbal kind along with the sharing of words.  This revealing that happens helps the two realize whether they can work successfully together or whether a trade must be made (wink).  In addition, to communication among the two there needs to be a dialogue established between the three: me, my beloved and God.  Some people say that friends (man and woman) shouldn’t pray together because it confuses reality by adding a spiritual feeling that will block the truth about one another.  I think that’s a bunch a baloney – because knowing that I am praying for my beloved and that he is doing the same for me helps me understand that we are by choice placing this friendship in the hands of God trusting His will, His way.  And when I hand something over to God- I know that I am in the best place possible, and that gives me peace.