These past
few days we have enjoyed beautiful, cloudy skies in California… I love walking into the fresh greyness of the
day (smile). Usually the atypical
weather is enough to make me happy, yet this week I have been feeling really
insecure and with insecurity comes this uncontrollable necessity to overanalyze
every detail about my life and relationships. Sometimes I have difficulty
between action and waiting on the Lord and I think it’s a common struggle of
the Christian life. My friend’s life philosophy
is “just let it be,” and I half-heartedly agree with it… Trust in the Lord is essential, but God
created us with the ability to accomplish a lot, the capacity to think and
freedom to choose; thus, there’s a part of us that must be always putting our
talents to work. The Parable of the
Talents teaches us to use what God gave us for the good of the kingdom and
that at the end of time God is going to hold us accountable for the lot He
entrusted us with. Thus, there has to be
some action on our part- we can’t just sit back inactive and hope that things
will get done- that’s the description of sloth.
However, God wants us to act in the things that we can change and the
things that are out of our control to give those to Him with full confidence. There have been many times that I have
wondered God’s will for my life. That’s
usually a curiosity that we all have, we want to know exactly where He wants us
to go, afraid of making mistakes or of losing a blessing through our own bad
leadership. Yet, God doesn’t work like
that- if He’s going to bless you (which He is) there’s no way that you will
lose out on a blessing if it’s meant for you.
Mother
Teresa prayed a great deal and trusted with utter surrender that if God willed
it, it would get done. When she needed funds
to keep her ministry going she would pray, but while she waited for God to
provide she went on ministering to the poor.
She has this great quote, “God doesn’t require us to succeed He only
requires that you try.” I think in each
situation in which we are wondering the will of God we need to first pray and
then look at what part of that objective we can do ourselves while we wait on
the Lord. For me lately, I have been
praying and wondering about a relationship that confuses me. To me when I like someone I want to establish
communication and to get to know that person better, to develop a friendship
and discern in an active way whether God wills it or not. In discernment of any kind, there has to be
prayer and action. While I have been praying
and doing my part by being encouraging at times I feel like I keep hitting a
wall, but deep down I know that I am doing my part and trusting that in due time
God will reveal His plan. Sometimes, our
loss of peace is because we are trying to do someone else’s or even God’s part. We get fooled into thinking that we have to
do everything on our own, but God delights in being involved in our lives (smile)
and He values our work in community.
Fear can
also rob us of our peace. Not knowing
right now God’ will in a certain area can be enough to drive us crazy. On days like these, when I feel slightly
insecure, I get scared that I like this man more than he does me, that am just a
person who strokes his ego, that he has no intention of seeing this friendship
grow, and many more negative thoughts…
The thing is in matters of the heart one will have these rollercoaster
feelings and insecurities because of the vulnerability it takes to recognize
that you desire another. Father has told me numerous
times a man who really wants you will do whatever
he must to possess your love (and vice versa a woman who really likes you
will encourage you)... I think the remedy to pessimistic thoughts is to lean on God and trust Him because He has
promised to provide for our needs. Whatever the outcome to my prayer request I must learn to be content and at peace with God only. To
rest in the TRUTH and throw all those "what if’s" in the garbage.
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