Peace is
the absence of conflict- the absence of confusion… Every few months during my female hormone
days my bipolar mania and depression come and invade my mind with tons of rapid
thoughts- so many that I feel overwhelmed, anxious, restless- it gets even
worse if I am feeling unsafe or vulnerable in some area(s) in my life. The meds usually don’t work very well during
these days and I am left to my own coping mechanisms. Prayer is essential during my inner turmoil
times, as is the support of my family and loved ones. Not isolating myself and keeping my
commitments also helps get me through the tense days until my brain begins to
balance itself out. I am really
fortunate because I have a really large and loving support system that helps
carry my mental anguish – I am not alone in this cross that God has chosen me
to carry (praise be to God). Yesterday,
my best friend delivered a small care package to cheer me up. It was such a lovely surprise – I especially
liked the note she wrote and just the action helped me escape my anxiety. It helped me realize that I am loved and I
think that’s something that we all need to hear and be reminded especially on
manic and depressive days (thanks buddy).
Then a
friend who suffers from Asperger’s and Bipolar sent me a text that he needed to
talk because he was having a really hard time with the disorders. I talked to him for some time (and even
though I was feeling really anxious myself) listening to him talk about the
things that he’s experiencing and just being there for him was a double bonus I
helped him and in the process myself. Listening to my buddy I realized that keeping
our sanity is the number one goal for people with mental disabilities. Sometimes changes and sacrifices must be made
in order for us to maintain our mental balance.
My friend validated my feelings that we bipolar suffers have a more
challenging time picking up on cues in matters of the heart and how we need
things to be clear to feel safe. Safe boundaries
and clear expectations protect our sanity.
As Christians we believe that mature love seeks the welfare of the other
person first, that it’s more about giving than getting- it involves more of a
mind decision than a heart’s feeling.
Thus, I have learned that keeping my sanity (not losing myself) is the
best way I can love others- because if I go crazy then I am opening myself and
others to chaos.
Yesterday’s
post is just between you and I, am sorry if it was too intense and difficult to
understand. I have a hard time trusting
men- it’s not your fault and I don’t want to put pressure on you, I know we
have made progress (smile). I truly believe that a strong friendship is a great
foundation for more between a man and a woman, but I think both parties need to
feel safe and be wise in order to protect each other’s heart (in my case my
sanity as well). I found a devotion that
Pope Francis favors (Mary, Untier of Knots) it has a beautiful story behind it,
let’s pray it together for God’s will in our lives.
No comments:
Post a Comment