Tuesday, May 5, 2015

In the Shadows

When I was in high school a group of us founded a music club for those of us that felt a great connection to Hip-Hop music.  When I visited teens in prison- this knowledge of nineties rap music helped me connect with the boys in the juvenile detention center.  We talked a great deal about Tupac, Eminem and Biggie Smalls – the kids found it fascinating that a Christian woman knew the history and lyrics to some of their favorite songs.  Through music I was able to earn their respect and after sometime talking about hip-hop they started sharing their stories, dreams and hurts with me… Recently I posted a comment on my Facebook page about how I really enjoyed “The Walking Dead” TV show and I got some commentary on how that show is too dark and not of God.  Perhaps my friend is right- but to me my past has been full of darkness.  I had to overcome poverty, abuse, alcoholism, domestic violence, addictions, mental illness- everything that I have I had to fight for, nothing was given to me- I had to earn it.  To me my faith has not been a walk through sunny meadows – a lot of my past happened in darkness and it is because of this darkness that I am so utterly grateful for God’s light.  Sometimes when I am feeling really down I listen to “Lose Yourself” by Eminem because it reminds me of where I came from.  As immigrants we came to this country following the American Dream – yet dreams are not walks in the park they require a lot of effort and sacrifice.  Growing up, I lived in a two bedroom apartment with eighteen other people- we were dirt poor.  Books became my escape and education my ticket out.  Yet, my relatives always thought I would end up pregnant and all my efforts would go to waste.  Their desire for my failure fueled me with the conviction to prove them wrong and I became the first person in my entire family (relatives included) to graduate from university.

I been thinking about Hip-Hop (though I don’t listen to that genre of music anymore) I realized that we can’t judge people for expressing themselves the only way they know how.   A boy in the Ghetto is not going to have the experiences or language of a boy in the suburbs. And people will be drawn and connect to what they know.  The character of Daryl in “The Walking Dead” is a major reason I watch the show.  I love a good story of transformation (even if it has zombies in it) and Daryl Dixon draws me in.  He’s a character that has been abused, neglected, and comes from a lineage of poverty and addictions.  He begins as a man with a wall so high that no one can get through. All his actions are motivated by self-interest and his desire to survive.  Yet, as this family is formed through horrific circumstances, people begin to depend on him and to demonstrate genuine love towards him.  This display of needing and loving him pushes him to become the best version of himself.  The key issue is love.  Love transforms.  As I meditated on my friend’s comments about this show being ungodly- I realized that our background is very different and perhaps to her, God would never speak to her in art that has such difficult themes, but to me He does.  As I thought about darkness associated with Hip-Hop music and some TV shows, I thought about God and wondered if He really stays away from the dark valleys and I was reminded of how Jesus leaves his sheep to go find the lost one.  God will reach us wherever we find ourselves through whatever means necessary.  As we grow in faith we should drop anything that causes us to sin, but art is subjective and what speaks to me might not speak to you.  I try to be vigilant about what I watch and what I listen to (we all should be), but sometimes art that displays triumph over darkness really speaks to my soul because I see pieces of me and am reminded of my deliverance.  God is omnipresent – that means that’s He’s everywhere with the desire to reach each of us personally (smile). Thanks be to God for that!        
   

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