Love Story Continued...

I have been taking scattered country line dancing lessons for a little while now, and I haven’t seen much progress (smile).  I know how to do extremely poorly  theElectric Slide, the Shuffle and the Wobble – that’s the extent of my learning thus far…  Last night my friend and I headed to Holy Spirit Church to evaluate the dance instructor that gives monthly lessons at their Parish (because my friend plans on hiring him to come to our church).  We of course participated in the country line dancing lessons that they were having, but as hard as I tried to get down the steps – I felt like a total failure!  I guess everyone feels like that when learning a new skill- even in spiritual matters things at times seem so overwhelming- even impossible.

Another Night of Partying.

After I made the decision to allow God into my life, I struggled for two years- leading a double life.  Every Sunday I would make it to church and on Wednesdays I even started attending a Bible Study, but on the weekend I was partying and getting drunk out-of-control-crazy!  My drinking got so bad that, I got kicked out of clubs, I passed out many times, I almost had sex with a stranger – on occasion my best friend even needed to help me zip up my pants when using the restroom.  My drinking binges would start Thursday and on Sunday I would show up to mass usually hung over.  All I wanted was for the intense pain inside me to go away, the more it hurt the more I drank.  At the bars that I accustomed, at the sight of me the waitress would bring me the whole bottle of Merlot and I was proud that she knew me so well.

Most things in Moderation are good, it's when they are abused that they become problematic.

There’s this great Jonny Cash song: 
    “I hurt myself today to see if I still feel I focus on the pain the only thing that’s real… Everyone I know goes away in the end…”  
I don’t know if you have ever felt so much pain that you no longer feel anything only a deep numbness that even at the funeral of your beloved you can’t cry or feel anything other than millions of miles away.  Void of sentiment you question whether you are capable of loving because there’s no emotional response in you to tragedy.  So, you hurt yourself to force yourself to feel…

Young, Wild & Free...

I had made a promise, so every Sunday I would wake up and go mass.  One Sunday, a man started strumming a song on his guitar during communion, “Te Doy Gracias Jesus…”  The lyrics and the tender strumming hit like an avalanche and tears just started falling down my cheeks accompanied by very loud sobs and emotions so intense  I cried for the rest of the liturgy.  Every Sunday after that no matter how hard I tried, I cried- but I wasn’t ready to be converted, I couldn’t reform my life it was too hard! A life of a saint, me – impossible! I would have to give way too much to gain an invisible God?! Nope not possible. (To be continued...)