10 Blessings of Being Single (Just This Past Month)

Being single is a gift- I think we all have heard that statement before.  That’s not to say that marriage is not.  However, while we are free from marriage- a relationship that entails submitting to one-another, sacrificing time, energy and resources- we singles pretty much dominate our own life.  We can pick up extra hours at work, sign up for a softball team, participate in church ministry, volunteer, spend time with friends, watch that TV show or finish that novel.  How we spend our time, resources and choices is usually decided without the council of another person.  Thinking of what we want and what we yet do not have makes us miss out on the blessings in our lives.  So here’s my list of ten things that I was able to do this past month because I am single (smile).  Thank you Jesus!

1.  I got to attend the National Catholic Singles Conference.

2. I became an RCIA leader and signed-up to help with September Fest at my parish.

3. I took various long walks with my dog to the park, the beach, around the neighborhood and spent time just watching him socialize at the dog park.

4. I got a haircut, a mani & pedi, and bought a new dress – without feeling the need to justify my spending. 

5.  I got to spend time out eating and socializing with friends and family.

6.  I read four books simultaneously whenever I felt like it during the day.

7. I attended our parish bonfire, night at the Angel’s stadium, Courtyard Theology sessions among other parish activities.

8.  I spent hours in adoration during the month and had the opportunity to pray the rosary most mornings.

9.  I watched endless hours of my favorite BBC shows, foreign movies and classics.

10. I took a last minute road trip.

You can’t be happy with someone else if you are not happy alone.     

Catholic Singles Conference Part II

The singles conference brought together a massive crowd of single, young people most with the desire to find a godly spouse and ALL with a common, uniting love for God and the Catholic Church.  Events like these give me hope because as a young woman trying to live a virtuous life when I am around others like me who have made a choice to follow God I get inspired.  To hold events specifically geared for singles with sessions on topics that affect us, adoration, and centered on the Eucharist helps our spiritual growth and gives us confidence that for God all things are possible.  Then adding a social component with mixers, dancing and events held before and after the conference truly motivate one. Personally I had friends flying in from out-of-state and out-of-the-country and that to me was one of the most exciting parts- reuniting with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

While the schedule didn’t allow for much free time nor time to be with Jesus in adoration- time went by really fast.  I had to cut one of my lunches short so that I could go spend time with Jesus in adoration and that brief moment helped me immensely.  My favorite part of the conference was the holy hour we had as a group accompanied by music, prayer and moments of silence.  That hour went by so quickly and nurtured my soul and being - as always Jesus never disappoints.  There’s something celestial, powerful and incomparable in praying during exposition and benediction of the Blessed Sacrament.  My soul screamed, “Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! I need You.”  And I heard Him say, “rest little one he is on his way on his way since the beginning, you two will meet and you will recognize each other…” (BIG smile)

Then there was dancing and I have yet to meet a girl who doesn’t enjoy getting jiggy (hint-hint).  Though the music selection and the DJ in general were not very good – we got down and partied the night away.  Prior to the dance starting we had dance lessons and those were really fun because it provided a great opportunity to meet others.  Followed by freestyle dancing and it was a blessing to see men and women having so much clean fun.  My group as always danced until the last song- keeping true to tradition.  I think dancing provided a great opportunity for people to start getting to know each other because after the dance I saw a few new couples (smile).  Thus, though the experience didn’t provide a hubby for me – I had a grand time with Jesus, dancing and reuniting with my buddies.              

Part One Catholic Singles Conference: Trust in Me

Catholic Singles Conference: Trust in Me

After the singles conference I took a day to let all the emotions and the experiences lived settle and to just rest in the Lord.  Yesterday, I took a two mile walk with my fluff ball, did some spiritual reading and went to adoration.  It was really important for me to write this post in an optimistic light and after the conference I felt extremely nostalgic and blue.  Thus, I took my melancholy to my Papa and began a dialogue trying not to blame God for my unmet expectations and wanting renewal and just a heavenly hug.  The thing is that I am usually quite happy with my life as a single woman, but occasionally I get stressed thinking the biological clock is ticking and growing older alone…  After seeking solitude to enter into God's realm, I realized that the conference brought up a lot of uncomfortable feelings inside me.  Some pointed to areas of growth while others were lies that the enemy was using to make me feel rather sad.

LIES: Something is wrong with you! 

These awful thoughts came over me because I unconsciously believed that since this event (where over five-hundred Catholic singles attended) took place in my hometown it was pretty inevitable that I would meet a potential suitor.  Then after the conference I returned with a few more girlfriends I felt defeated and like something must be wrong with me since no one at the conference pursued me.  I also felt slight disappointment with how the conference was run- it was just so full of activities and we were always running late that down time was cut- and the conference felt like a constant rush.  But getting back to my self-pity monologue – all these negative thoughts invaded my mind and for a while I began to think that I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, attractive enough – enough to be loved!   

PRIDE: Going to a “singles” event requires humility!

During the conference I sat at various tables with different groups and I noticed that a lot of us have trouble being vulnerable and humble.  We are afraid to display emotions and show interest in one-another that might be interpreted wrong.  Sometimes we have an air that we are quite the catch and we don’t need to be at these events.  I expected more kindness, more warmth – but at the end I realized that I too hid behind this “political correct” behavior.  There was a man though that danced during worship and was unafraid to be himself and he showed great humility and I admired his ability and freedom to be himself.    

TRUTH: Remain in God!

God promises to reveal His will and our current status is part of His divine plan.  At times I shout like the palmist (in Psalm 13) how long will God forget me?  But God promises to be with us - Jesus tells us that He must leave so the Holy Spirit will come.  And He tells us that He will provide, “ask and it will be given to you…” All those lies that I am not good enough are annihilated in the light of Truth (smile).  Nothing in the conference sessions was new material (everything that we need has been long given to us by God in the Bible and Sacred Tradition) yet, the talks were reminders of the promises of God.  Of His desire for us to give Him ALL of me, to remain in Him and to never allow ourselves to be moved from His guidance nor lose hope because He leads us beside still waters to lie in green pastures for His namesake…    

After a day of meditation I realized that if my family upon my return from the conference had been more critical they wouldn’t have recognized that I had been with Jesus.  I was so involved in my thoughts and the negativity that I pushed Jesus right out.  Yet, yesterday after spending a relaxing day with Papa Diosito I realized that I had a lot of fun at the conference too… And that I will save for tomorrow (wink).     

Be Happy

The Beatles Invade my office.

I love deep conversations yet - if I hear a good tune I get the strongest urge to dance.  Learning about God, Catholic spirituality, literature, poetry, theatre- fascinates me- yet a clean, funny joke is always welcomed.  I love depth, but I also enjoy the light side of life.  Most of the time I am laughing or trying to infect others with my silliness.  The greatest Mexican comedian, Cantinflas, said: “The first duty of every human being is to be happy. The second is to make others happy.” Soy alegre (in English referred to as cheerful)… Yet, if I can be honest sometimes in spiritual circles I find a lot of uptight people who think humor coincides with a less spiritual (even a less intelligent) persona.  Once I was telling this Catholic girl a really funny joke (at least I thought it was hilarious) and she rolled her eyes and didn’t smile once.  She made me feel like I was beneath her and like joking during the week long spiritual event was unacceptable.  Yet, the great Chesterton is full of humor in his highly intelligent writings.  Am sure Jesus too approves laughter and silliness- those two emotions are sure signs of happiness and God’s greatest desire is for us to be happy. 

 We all live in a yellow submarine

The more I seek God, the more I know God, the more I am in Christ the happiest I become.  Pope Francis made this great statement that has been quoted quite frequently; a Christian, “must never look like someone who has just come back from a funeral.”  He was referring to evangelization, but I think it applies to our duty to give true testimony of God and what He is doing in our lives.  Jesus alludes to children at various times throughout His ministry because one thing that is always present when children are together is laughter, humility and good cheer.  I love listening to Father Sergio and Father Angelo’s homilies because they always make me laugh!  Am so glad that God gave some of our priests such a funny sense of humor.  I think sometimes, especially at the beginning of our relationship with God (for adult converts or reverts) we don’t instinctively see an image of God laughing or having a sense of humor.  Yet God is all things good.

Squeeze me!

When people tell me they want to pray for me I tell them to please pray that I meet my husband soon- it always makes them laugh….  That’s why I usually mention that particular prayer request because I know it releases endorphins (the happiness hormone).  I had my small group of teens on a retreat pray over me for that intention and boy did they laugh. Now when they see me they smile… My parents are really funny people they are always laughing and infecting us with their silliness.  They are a pleasure to be around and they attract friends like honey.  When I see their joy or hear them giggling I see Jesus in them.  Thus, don’t mistake silliness and lightness with terrestrial non-spirituality.  Laughter, giddiness, comedy and happiness are all signs of Eden and of our destiny to come.     

Hilarious!

Catholic Single Events

This coming weekend am driving to San Diego for the National Catholic Singles Conference and am super excited because am reuniting with some of my out-of-state friends!  Am looking forward to the spiritual talks, moments with God and just having fun with friends.  Attending these single events is always a great experience when one goes with the proper mentality- that is to enjoy the company of other believers and to give God all expectation of meeting your-one-and-only.  I’ve seen women (at events like these) that are so desperate to meet potential suitors that they ignore everyone and are out like hunters stalking their prey.  Yet, one of the virtues that all Christians must cultivate is patience.  Yesterday, I was having a conversation with baby Jesus and again I asked Him to choose my husband- I want the man God wants for me.  As I talked to Him about my future spouse I realized that if I truly believe that God will choose my husband then it’s all a matter of time- God’s time - and I don’t have to be out desperately looking for my significant other.  He will arrive, he will recognize me and I will recognize him - when God wills it (smile).

My life is beautiful and full of blessings- God provides in abundance.  Thus, as I wait to meet my one-and-only I am working on myself trying to become a woman worthy of my husband to be.  I am bettering my mind with study, am trying to eat healthier, am working on healing psychological issues from previous hurts, am becoming a better lover, a better Catholic- over all a better human being.  I have even signed up for a class to learn how to make cookies and am looking into learning how to cook- so that I can have some of the homely skills a wife requires.  Time goes by, and as I wait for him who my heart desires – I wait actively without losing my peace or my trust in God.

Though, I do understand that at these singles events sometimes one can get frustrated – maybe even feel disappointment like our prayers and actions are not bearing fruits.  I mean I usually end up befriending most of the women since in my comfort I gravitate towards the ones that I am most at ease with (smile).  And I hate small talk am no good at it- which doesn’t help the courting situation (sigh).  In addition, sometimes the men also seem a bit clueless or lack assertiveness in taking the lead in initiating contact with the opposite sex.  Which usually has to do with fear from humiliating or hurtful rejections in the past.  For which I am terribly sorry and would like to apologize right now for the lack of sensitivity we women sometimes express in situations where instead of letting you down gently we step all over you self-esteem.  The thing is that beginnings are complicated- even when events are geared towards facilitating the dating process- we must leave our comfort zone and take a leap of faith - literally! 

I was reading this article in which Catholic men had been interviewed on why they don’t purse and in addition to the fear of rejection, humiliation, women not sending clear signals- another top reason is that in a single’s group - if he has been rejected by a girl already he doesn’t think it wise to pursue another woman in the group.  While I see the honor in trying to avoid causing hurt feelings or gossip within the group by vowing not to approach anyone else in the community I think that with prayer, the passage of time and God’s direction this shouldn’t be an issue.  I think women know how to distinguish when men are just going down the list of single girls.  I also believe that sometimes God opens our eyes to a person that has been there all along… Gosh- I think I rambled quite enough today…     

I Fall in Love in Spanish

Spanish is my first language and thus I experience a lot of my life in a different tongue away from English.  While now I can express myself more clearly in English- Spanish is my emotional tongue.  I get angry in Spanish, I get inspired in Spanish, I love Mass in Spanish and I fall in love in Spanish…  Any good Mexican knows that we have our artists that when we are in the depths of despair a bottle of tequila or a Corona and a good Vicente Fernandez or Ramon Ayala song is our temporary cure (smile).  As much as I have acculturated into American society- I have never found a communal artist that all Americans turn to in their hour of need.  Years ago, I was going through some heart aches and my brother (in heaven) returned with a twelve pack and turned the stereo on to some of those gut wrenching tunes and once I was under the influence I spilled my heart out to him.  That became our usual when one saw the other sad we followed our little ritual.  Some of the best conversations I had with him were while consuming a beer and listening to Mexican Classics.  To this day, I visit his grave and take my little stereo and listen to songs with him and we have our chats (smile). 

The Mexican culture is full of passion, unity and celebration.  Yet, while I found more Christian ways of dealing with my problems rather than getting drunk- I still turn to my musicians when I am suffering from unrequited love.  Am not sure if you have ever listened to a Mariachi or Norteña song, but the best Mexican artists put so much heart into their singing that their voice emulates the pain and soul of the lyrics.  The power and depth of their voice just reaches the heart of my heart and for the length of the song I feel a companion equally in the state of hurt that I am in.  A few years ago my brother-in-law gave me front row tickets to my first Vicente Fernandez concert and this Mexican icon- WOW – he’s a true Mexican ranchero! He exudes masculinity and a positive level of machismo. And he drinks tequila as he performs his set of songs! BEST CONCERT OF MY LIFE! It’s as if the Tequila fuels the despair and influences the agony in his voice.

When I started my conversion with Jovenes para Cristo – they gave a talk on the power of music and how as we walk with the Lord we need to be objective and cautious in regards to the music we listen to- because some music goes against our faith.  While Mexican Regional Music is usually accompanied by alcohol and encourages drunkenness- I still love the genre.  It gets me the way poetry and books get me.  I remember after the talk on music I was so angry that these people were trying to regulate my music selection and I voiced my opinion.  In my pride I vowed at that moment to never let “these fundamentalist” dictate my personal choices.  Years, later I began to understand how real art should always lead us towards God- it should unite us to Him opening a realm of communication and connection.  I still listen to my Mexican music and I won’t ever stop listening to it, however now I try to listen to it without getting drunk.  In addition, I no longer use music to add salt to my wounds nor to dwell in my pain refusing to heal.  In my extended family alcoholism is an epidemic and I have seen many family members repeat the vicious cycle throughout the years using music and alcohol to avoid facing problems. In doing so, evading growth and the pattern has been repeated with their offspring.  They gather on weekends to get drunk with this music.  Maybe they know no better, but Christ teaches us to change, to grow, to heal.  Most of the time music is not the problem it's how we use it that creates havoc.  To me Mexican Rancheras, Norteñas & Banda songs open the door to heaven- my soul rejoices with these classic ballads (smile). 

This one goes out to my one-and-only where ever you are (wink).

"Hermoso cariño. Que Dios me ha mandado nomás para mí."

One Year Blogiversary

Happiness is completing a goal!  A year ago today I embarked on this blogging adventure and while the idea of starting a blog had long before stirred in mind it wasn’t until the last day in July that I finally broke the seal.  At the time I had many ideas in my head about what I wanted to do in this space and I think that’s evident during the first all-over-the-place posts.  Eventually, I took an uncomfortable leap and decided that I could no longer hold or hide my love of God and as He once invaded my life He also consumed my blog.  The moment I decided to write personal reflections about my conversion story the blog started to become more guided and focused.  While my objective was to expose my loved ones to God and my faith and hopefully begin a dialogue in Christian spirituality, I soon realized that though many friends were reading my posts the one who became most converted was myself.  As I sat and wrote my simple thoughts three times a week (fearing hypocrisy or elevating myself spiritually) I always attempted to be honest and portray my wretchedness and highlight God’s goodness.  In addition, it’s been important for me to steer away from overtly theological pieces and just write about Penny in Christ because when I read blogs I like to learn about people while my theology I get from more credible sources. Noticing that there weren’t many blogs that highlighted the young adult Catholic faith and seeing a need to show people that (us) Catholics lead normal lives and are not always found praying the rosary (smile) God continued to lead my blogging path.  In addition, I felt a strong desire to share with my loved ones the fulfilling experiences that I live daily in my walk with my Lord.

At the closing of my first year, I began experiencing mixed emotions on whether to continue this space or to end it- after all my goal of writing for one year has been met.  I still haven’t fully decided the changes that I will be making, but I know that I will continue to write- perhaps less times a week – I haven’t fully made up my mind on the subject.  As I mentioned earlier I began this space with the desire to evangelize and the one who became the most evangelized was me.  Writing my thoughts challenges me to really think about my faith and what I believe, thus, every entry I write I try to express my view honestly.  Expressing my thoughts here motivates me to become more like Christ and sometimes the growth it provokes seems happening all too quickly and uncomfortably.  Yet, I know that God will never take me to where His grace won’t protect me (smile).    

At this time I would like to thank you and all my faithful readers- thank you for encouraging me, for commenting, for your messages and simply for reading!  This has been such a positive experience and I owe part of it to you.  

Happy One Year Blogiversary!

Seven Blogging Questions

The number seven holds great biblical significance.  It appears in the bible over six hundred times and many times it's more commonly used as symbol rather than a number.  It comes from the Hebrew Language and means fullness or completeness.  On Sunday’s homily Father pointed out how for the past three Dominical Masses the three gospel readings have covered seven parables that together express completeness of truth.    In the thirteen chapter of the book of Matthew, Jesus reveals to us His plan for salvation.  Thus, since tomorrow “In My Shoes” turns one! I have compiled seven questions and answers about my experience this past year of blogging.

Who is the In My Shoes girl? I am a Catholic revert- who has been actively living her faith since 2007.  While the death of my brother (in 2004) began my spiritual quest it wasn’t until May of 2007 that I returned home.  My spirituality is central to who I am and completely motivates my lifestyle, shapes my choices and forms my goals and future ambitions.  Away from blogging I have a full time job, volunteer my time in various activities, am active at my local parish and am usually found spending time with my friends, family or with my nose in a book.  That is if I am not spoiling my little fur ball!   

How did you get into blogging? I’ve always LOVED to write and have kept a journal since I was in junior high.  My degree is in English Literature and I think next to God and my family - books and learning are my other passion!  In fact, to me a university classroom is my vision of heaven (smile)! My childhood dreams included writing stories, but until I started this blog I selfishly protected my writings keeping them private.  In addition to my need to write I also felt that God wanted to use me to share my love for Him through the experiences I post here.  I also, wanted a safe place to share my testimony with my loved ones who the majority do not have God in their lives.   

   

Do people you know offline know you’re a blogger? Yes and No.  I share my blog posts on my Facebook page because originally I wanted to introduce my loved ones to God; thus, my friends on Facebook know I blog.  However, I don’t really advertise my blog outside of Facebook and actually I feel really weird when I bump into someone and they mention my blog.  I think that sharing my inner most thoughts and getting credit for them is something that makes me really vulnerable and thus I tend to hide the fact that I have this space.  I hope this insecurity is something that I will soon overcome.  

When do you write your posts? I usually write my entries in the morning right before I post them.  

What do you usually blog about? Mainly I write about my faith as seen through my eyes.  This place is my personal story and usually whatever I have on my mind or am experiencing I dedicate a post to that.  I try to be honest and portray a person of faith who struggles with sin, is full of flaws- yet through God’s redeeming love strives to be a better human being.   

Who do you want to reach with your blog? I would like to reach whoever God wants me to reach.  Ideally I would love to start that curiosity and search for truth in the hearts of my loved ones.  I pray a lot about my blog too.  In prayer, God has helped me not focus on the number of readers I have per post because- if only one person feels the need to explore deeper into the Catholic faith than my job is done (smile).

What motivates and inspires you to continue blogging? God.  He created this great desire in me to write and I am most happy when I am writing something new.  Writing also helps me to actively use my talents for the Kingdom.  Photography is also an amateur love of mine.  In addition, Father once advised me to use my beauty for God and while I didn’t understand his words at first I think by blogging I am using my strengths in a way that God can use to help others.  Sometimes it’s hard to press on with the blog, but usually God sends perseverance through a compliment from a reader.  Thus, I will continue to write until He wills it (smile).

We Need to Keep Our Eyes and Ears Open

Pain pulled me away from my cradle Catholic faith, after years of praying for my dad to stop drinking and year after year seeing no improvement – thinking my prayers went unheard I began to pull away from all things God related.  Hope can be so painful.  After years of formal education and being presented only the secular side of the creation argument I pulled away further. Mind you - though only scientific theories - in my mind they had been presented as truths.  When my mother mentioned God I scoffed and adopted a sardonic attitude.  It hurt to reject God – but at the time it hurt more to be a teenager in a chaotic home.  Though I had been born into a Catholic family and by the age of seven I was a fully initiated Catholic- I don’t think I knew God until my adult conversion.  He had always been somewhat of a fairytale- beautiful, but lacking truth.  At times I made Him into a magician working His sorcery from somewhere faraway at other times He was a villain who enjoyed inflicting pain; but, the most common character was that of the ultimate punisher for all sins committed.  In fact, the first time I went into a confessional I thought that I would get a severe scolding from the priest for my sinful past.

After two years of protestant churches I arrived at Saint Barbara Parish and went inside the confessional thinking that the priest would kick me out for no longer belonging to the Catholic Church - that is after the priest yelled at me for my sins and asked me to recite a few Hail Marys.  The whole notion of confession by a priest seemed archaic and uncomfortable, but the expected rebuke from the priest was what I deserved.  As I knelt behind the screen window and repeated the words I had heard in many movies, “Forgive me father for I have sinned…” I began to mention my sins along with a bit of my spiritual background.  After I finished listing my transgressions the kind priest engaged me in conversation and cleared a lot of my misconceptions.  I waited for him to yell at me, but he never did nor did he ask me to recite prayers.  Instead he was extremely kind and when I didn’t know how to close the confession (with the Act of Contrition) he passed a copy of the prayer and we prayed it together.  I remember before I left I asked him if it was ok for me to come back to the Catholic Church for mass and to remain a bit in the parish to pray, and he laughed and said it was my home.  Since, I have returned to him many times for confession and now he pulls me inside the small confessional so that he can see me face-to-face.  We talk freely about my shortcomings and my sins- yet, he always makes me feel hopeful and never like the sinner that I am.  The penance he gives me is always more than reciting prayers- he points out areas that he wants me to work on (until we meet again) - always inviting me to become more like Christ.

There’s all kinds of misinterpretations about God and the Catholic faith.  As someone who confessed directly to God and now goes through an intermediary - I really enjoy and find more depth in having a priest hear my confession.  He helps and guides me in the name of God.  For many years I lived with erroneous beliefs about God and the Catholic faith, but in the years since my initial conversion God has removed the scales from my eyes, much like He did with Paul.  “My argument against God was that the universe seemed cruel and unjust.  But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line.  What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust?”  While our society promotes and values education – in matters of faith ignorance is regularly accepted.  I had a really intelligent friend once tell me that he had been into the depths of outer space and not once had he seen a sign of God or of heaven.  He laughed thinking he had stumped me, but as God explains in many of His parables some will never see nor hear because they choose not to.  It’s like the dwarfs in The Last Battle choosing to live in darkness even though Aslan is beside them offering his light.  One must never travel far to find God He is in us and all around us (smile).