After the singles conference I took a day to let all the
emotions and the experiences lived settle and to just rest in the Lord. Yesterday, I took a two mile walk with my
fluff ball, did some spiritual reading and went to adoration. It was really important for me to write this
post in an optimistic light and after the conference I felt extremely nostalgic
and blue. Thus, I took my melancholy to
my Papa and began a dialogue trying not to blame God for my unmet expectations and
wanting renewal and just a heavenly hug.
The thing is that I am usually quite happy with my life as a single
woman, but occasionally I get stressed thinking the biological clock is ticking
and growing older alone… After seeking
solitude to enter into God's realm, I realized that the conference brought up a lot
of uncomfortable feelings inside me.
Some pointed to areas of growth while others were lies that the enemy
was using to make me feel rather sad.
LIES: Something is wrong with you!
These awful thoughts came over me because I unconsciously
believed that since this event (where over five-hundred Catholic singles
attended) took place in my hometown it was pretty inevitable that I would meet
a potential suitor. Then after the
conference I returned with a few more girlfriends I felt defeated and like
something must be wrong with me since no one at the conference pursued me. I also felt slight disappointment with how
the conference was run- it was just so full of activities and we were always
running late that down time was cut- and the conference felt like a constant
rush. But getting back to my self-pity
monologue – all these negative thoughts invaded my mind and for a while I began
to think that I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough,
attractive enough – enough to be loved!
PRIDE: Going to a “singles” event requires humility!
During the conference I sat at various tables with different
groups and I noticed that a lot of us have trouble being vulnerable and
humble. We are afraid to display
emotions and show interest in one-another that might be interpreted wrong. Sometimes we have an air that we are quite
the catch and we don’t need to be at these events. I expected more kindness, more warmth – but at
the end I realized that I too hid behind this “political correct” behavior. There was a man though that danced during
worship and was unafraid to be himself and he showed great humility and I
admired his ability and freedom to be himself.
TRUTH: Remain in God!
God promises to reveal His will and our current status is
part of His divine plan. At times I
shout like the palmist (in Psalm 13) how
long will God forget me? But God
promises to be with us - Jesus tells us that He must leave so the Holy Spirit
will come. And He tells us that He will
provide, “ask and it will be given to you…” All those lies that I am not good enough
are annihilated in the light of Truth (smile).
Nothing in the conference sessions was new material (everything that we
need has been long given to us by God in the Bible and Sacred Tradition) yet,
the talks were reminders of the promises of God. Of His desire for us to give Him ALL of me,
to remain in Him and to never allow ourselves to be moved from His guidance nor
lose hope because He leads us beside
still waters to lie in green pastures for His namesake…
After a day of meditation I realized that if my family upon
my return from the conference had been more critical they wouldn’t have
recognized that I had been with Jesus. I
was so involved in my thoughts and the negativity that I pushed Jesus right
out. Yet, yesterday after spending a relaxing day
with Papa Diosito I realized that I
had a lot of fun at the conference too… And that I will save for tomorrow (wink).
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