I am a wimp. Tell me that I have to donate blood or have
blood work done and the thought of that syringe, more specifically the needle
rupturing my skin increases my heart rate to the point of an anxiety
episode. No, am not kidding! Even as a
young adult my mom would have to come to doctor appointments with me and hold
my hand while I was poked. However, once
in college I decided that I had to grow up and do it on my own. I remember that first time I had to get blood
withdrawn, sitting in the lobby waiting to face the most terrifying event on my
own. It was then that I called to Mother
Mary and I asked her to hold my hand, to be with me during this scary
experience. I talked to her and I even
promised to donate a large sum of money in her name if she would just help me
get through the ordeal. Since, I have
survived many needle poking’s always with her by my side. She is the one that I call to in my most dire
situations because I know the power of a mother’s influence. I love Jesus, I talk to him every day; but,
when I feel like I am about to fall apart I run to his mother to intercede on
my behalf.
Earlier in the week I went to adoration and at this
particular chapel beside the tabernacle is a beautiful statue of Mother Mary. I took out my rosary and I prayed meditating
on each mystery with Mother Mary and I began a novena that has become my most
special devotion, "Mary Undoer of Knots." When
I feel out of control or like perhaps I need to let go of something I turn to
this novena. While praying it I thought
about an event that happened soon after my ex-boyfriend and I broke up. I was in the car listening to songs of heartbreak and
feeling quite miserable for myself when I saw a homeless man on the corner
asking for alms. He was really dirty,
his hair was greasy like it hadn’t been washed in months, his clothes were
soiled and he looked like he was talking to himself. I saw that man in such a tattered state and I
remember this aha moment when I realized that I was in the car condemning my ex
for breaking my heart and wishing him all kinds of hurt; but, I would never
want to see him like this homeless man.
It was at that moment that I understood that when you truly love someone
you want the best for that person, even if the best might not be you. I turned off my radio and I asked God to give
my ex-boyfriend goodness and a girl who would love him the way that he needed,
but to do so far from me because his happiness would still hurt me.
Lighting a prayer candle for my prayer intentions is a favored devotion.
Sometimes I need to be reminded that when we care about
another person we need to be selfless even if it means a little bit of hurt on
our end. Through circumstances I was
afraid that I was going to lose someone and all I thought was of protecting
myself. BUT, Jesus shows us that we can’t
be afraid of the cross, we can’t be afraid of suffering and Mother Mary exemplifies
the wounded heart. She suffered a
terrible loss as a mother and when I am in pain, confused and focused on me I
love running to her because she gets me.
She is able to comfort me and show me the big picture, a bigger picture
than my hurt. In that moment with her
and the days since, I’ve realized that I have to be a good friend even when it
hurts or circumstances make me feel uncertain.
It’s easy to be a good friend in times of plenty, but much more
difficult when we are out of our comfort zone.
I have found the strength to do so, to turn my frown upside down with
the intercession of my Momma Mary and when I start losing my peace, I just run back into
her arms.
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