God is Good All the Time

Yesterday, I had my first job interview in over ten years! While the position is not a good fit for me, just the fact that I got it done left me feeling ecstatic.  Now, you might think that I share these quite intimate details because I need affirmation or attention, but my motivation is simply to share my struggle in hopes of encouraging others.  I am bipolar and I don't speak about that often, but for people like me with mental disabilities, looking for employment is even more difficult.  While certain experiences are naturally stress inducing for everyone, for people with bipolar it's a little harder because our brain plays devious tricks on us.  My friend who suffers from autism called me earlier in the week, not too long ago he himself was in a similar situation and he understands the mental anguish that unplanned change to our routine causes. Talking to him helped me so much because he validated my experience as normal (for people like us) and gave me so much encouragement.  He and I have formed this friendship that serves as a support group for one-another.  When he's having an extremely difficult time he will reach out and vice versa.  I think that anyone who suffers from a mental disorder really benefits from having a lifeline, a friend who has first experience with the challenges of our disability.

I have also been reading the life of the saints.  Recently, I gobbled the life of Saint Rita of Cassia in one sitting - I will speak more on that in a later post.  But just filling my mind with holiness and distracting my racing thoughts with the stories of great saints has also been such a comfort.  It's funny because I was looking for a saint to accompany me during October, as I do every year and Saint Rita came to me miraculously in a time that I truly needed her perseverance and determination.  God just loves to work things in such a way that always leaves me smiling BIG.  For those of you not familiar with her life she is the patron saint of the impossible, and if you've read my last  posts you know that I need such an example right now.

On Wednesday, I also went to my monthly women's group and the talk was so affirmative.  The speaker spoke on vocations and sort of dedicated the entire talk to her profession instead of vocations.  Yet, it was what I needed to hear because throughout her career she has seen the hand of God at work guiding and leading her to untraveled paths.  Paths that at first have been terribly scary.  Her motto is the lesson I took from her talk, "I just show up and let God do the rest."  I decided that's going to be my new favorite aphorism (smile).

Finding Comfort in the Sacraments

I found myself in front of the Tabernacle on Saturday night, a day after confession and moments away from receiving the Eucharist.  During confession Father suggested that when I have doubts about my prayers to reflect on moments when God has answered them.  After sharing with my confessor the doubts that invade my overthinking mind in moments of crisis.  I've been honest here about identifying with doubting Thomas because sometimes my doubts can really challenge my faith.  Not my faith in God, but my faith in His interaction with His creation.  It's weird because when I intercede for others I really know that He hears me and that He will provide accordingly- but when I ask for things for myself it's hard to do so thinking He is listening.  So, I shared with Father how even though I pray for God's assistance when I do so for myself my heart feels very untrusting, even cynical. Has God provided in the past?  Has He heard my prayers and answered them? Of course He has, but I am like one of the people in our biblical history that constantly forgets.  If Moses had gone up Mount Sinai in my time, I probably would have been one of the many that forgot about God as soon as Moses was out of sight.  My faith doesn't come easily, but luckily God gave me community.  In community I am reminded and encouraged to hope and never seize in prayer.  After speaking with Father, I thought about the last time I was without a job and I asked God to please give me one before the end of the year and He did!  So, now I know how to defeat the cynicism in my heart when it comes a wandering.

Saturday night, I finally made it to chapel and because the church was having its annual fest I was in that small space alone with Jesus.  I talked to him for awhile told him everything as I would a great confidant.  Then I asked him if there was anything that he wanted to tell me.  I didn't have to wait more than a couple seconds when the words to Psalm 23 came into my mind, "The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want."  I smiled BIG and looked up at him as I constantly do when he leaves me speechless.  We had a moment, the type only the most intimate friends have, when words are unnecessary and just being in each other's presence is enough.  "I looked at Him and He looked at me..."  I had been craving to have a friend who would just be with me, "if I lay here / if I just lay here / will you lie with me and just forget the world..."  There are moments when I fall so low that I crave to just lie stationary above the grass next to a companion who won't ask anything of me, but will reach across and hold my hand as we both stare at the infinite sky.  With the words of Psalm 23 so vividly flying through my mind, I knew that God was there reaching out and He would remain with me as long as I needed to soak all of it in.  Never asking anything of me, just being there like the perfect friend that only He can be.

After volunteering a two-hour shift at the parish fest and helping with the clean-up, I waited for the ten PM Mass.  The Sunday readings blew me away!  I've always been a bit uncomfortable with Matthew's Sunday Gospel reading, but over the years it has grown on me.  Life can be unfair, but God's love and mercy extends beyond comprehension... I have been sensitive these past few days, because my emotions are only following what is natural in dealing with loss.  As a bipolar sufferer I don't like surprises and treasure routine- but am learning to recall on God's past answers and finding hope in that.  This weekend I really found solace in the Sacraments and service and I concluded that if I don't find a job before the two months are up, I will be able to attend daily Mass and that will be fabulous (smile). Time to begin a novena with Saint Francis (ahead of his feast day) please join me.

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End

Life is full of loss… The death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the dying of a dream, in my case the loss of a job.  This week, I, along with most of my company was laid off because the company is relocating to Texas.  I got a sixty day notice to abandon ship.  During the mass layoff as I witnessed the different reactions from my team, I saw that the commonality was a sense of devaluation.  People who have dedicated a lifetime to my company felt easily disposed of.  While the CEO kept stating that he was doing what was best for the company, the people that make up the corporation didn’t agree with his assessment.  Which made me think of Pope Francis and the many times he’s asked us to remember that behind each structure there are people.  Upper management is looking at increasing revenue by moving to a state where rents are cheaper and deleting high salaries of employees who have dedicated many years to the company.  To the CEO the company is money and acquiring more of it means success.  Sadly, taking care of the people that invested so much to the company is no longer a concern in the for profit sector.  As Pope Francis has many times said we live in a “throwaway” culture where society quite easily discards people.  My coworker, a new mom of two, kept angrily asking “why?”  I tried to explain to her how it wasn’t personal it was just a monetary strategy taking precedence over the welfare of people.  “It’s the system that is messed up not you,” I told her.

Then I got home and had a glass wine and wondered why I was so at peace, knowing that in sixty days I would be without a job?  I sat in my garden in silence for many hours, prayed a rosary and read the life of Saint Francis of Assisi.  The thing is that I have been here before.  This territory has been well-traveled by me.  I know what it’s like to be without work; the uncertainty, the fears and the monetary constraints- even the emotional lows and insecurity that come like waves to challenge the already bruised ego.  Was my peace due to shock?  A temporary feeling that would leave as soon as the reality of the layoff hit? Or was it God given? 

I woke up the next morning equally calm, but noticed that during this whole process I have found so much comfort in the words of Pope Francis.  I have begun expressing my way of fighting this “throwaway” culture by featuring some of my shopping habits and reusing practices on here.  My focus has been on the material waste that I see in my community and my personal fight against it.  Now, I am experiencing another type of waste that of discarding people as if they were easily replaceable things.  I thought of my coworker’s shock in understanding that the goal of businesses today is  more concerned with making profit then with the needs of its people.  And I realized that I wasn’t angry or shocked because thanks to Pope Francis I have long been aware of the path that society is heading into.  Having a foundation in a faith that tells me that I am worthy not because of the job that I have or lack thereof; but, because I am made in the image and likeness of God gives me peace.  Stripping me of a job-title and occupation doesn’t make me less me.  I have been without a job in a worse state of mind and God got me through it!  This is a time to once again place my trust in Him and to persevere in prayer singing, “Jesus, I trust in you.”  Every end brings an opportunity for a new beginning, and what is life without a bit of adventure?  Nevertheless, please keep me in your prayers so that I will soon find employment.

Coach Seventy-Fifth Anniversary Restoration Bags

Earlier this year, Coach marked its seventy-fifth anniversary.  As a tribute to their history and craftsmanship the handbag brand rereleased a vintage capsule with three of its most iconic styles: the Dinky, the Saddle Bag and the Slim Satchel. What caught my attention is that the brand scavenged flea markets, secondhand stores, and online auction sites to buy back their vintage gems.  After acquiring a good amount of bags from the 70’s and 80’s they were sent to a restoration factory in Montana before going back to New York for unique-one-of-a-kind-modern details.  They added suede stripes, leather patches or fringe to give the vintage bags a modern vibe while still keeping the integrity of the vintage shape. Then the newly restored bags went up for sale exclusively at Barney’s with a special collectors tag next to the coach creed.  These bags are currently up for sale and range from $595 - $1195.  When I read the press release on this I seriously couldn’t help, but smile because I love refurbishing vintage leather purses.  To see a popular brand like Coach take such a creative, thoughtful approach to commemorate their diamond anniversary, made this thrift-store junkie heart of mine do the Cha-Cha.  Of course when I saw the price tag, I realized that I would continue to be happy with my own secondhand finds.  However, I really hope this becomes a trend among leading handbag designers because it’s just such a good example of reusing and a great environmental practice.

I have three Coach vintage purses of my own (none of which are the selected styles above) and this weekend I spent some time refurbishing a crossbody that is a minimalist’s dream.  I found this baby for eight dollars and in dire need of a makeover.  She had a lot of scars from her journey, I think she might date back to the seventies!  After welcoming her into the family I gave her a good inside cleaning using a toothbrush to reach the crevices then continued to the outside with Cadillac Boot and Shoe Care.  After, I let her rest while she dried.  I pondered what the best treatment for her would be and looking at my supplies I figured a full black dye job needed to occur to get rid of the lightening of the leather due to use.  I don’t have the tools that a Coach Restoration Factory does, but with my at home supplies I am excited for my new to me bag.  Bag restoration is one of my hobbies and I do restore quite a few bags, but usually I resale them for a profit.  I just like the whole process of taking something that was ready to be trashed and to restore it for another chance at life.  Finding them happy homes gives me a sense of purpose (smile).        

This bag was in good shape considering how old it is, it just had a lot of scratches to the leather and the corners had lost its blackness.  But with a little tender love and care she looks as good as new!

You can read more about Coach's restoration capsule here: Coach Vintage.

Some Lessons Need to be Taught

What is the first thought that comes into your mind when you wake up every morning?  If you are an avid Liturgy of the Hours type, I am guessing that God and a big “thank you for one more day.”  At least, that’s what I have heard Benedictine monks say.  The practice of praying the Liturgy of the Hours helps discipline and elevate the mind to God throughout the day especially at the beginning and closing.  “It was during my two years at the Valyermo Monastery that I learned to wake up every morning with God as my first thought because I was so used to praying the Liturgy of the Hours,” my new professor stated on Monday night.  This observation rattled me because sometimes I think that holiness is easier for some and not necessarily me.  When I think of holiness I sometimes over mystify it and the term my professor used “learned” indicates that while holiness comes from God – there’s some learning involved in the part of the recipient.  Holiness is a living stream that requires action, a personal "yes" to bear fruits and these fruits enrich the person and his community.

Some lessons need to be taught.  I’ve been reading a biography on Saint Francis of Assisi in which the author shares the life of the happy saint during his initial conversion when his heart and mind were in opposition.  Like the majority of people in his community, Francis was repulsed by lepers but slowly with the help of God he learned to love and care for them.  Leaving behind the wealth that surrounded him, Francis learned to see God in nature and creation; especially, in the most vulnerable.  He didn’t wake up one day reborn into Francis the saint it was a lifelong gradual change.  Sometimes when we study the lives of the saints we look at them after their sanctification, but they were men and women like you and me. That through a series of lifelong changes, of prayer and learning to do the will of God they transformed into the men and women we seek today for intersession. 

Most mornings and afternoons as I drive to and from work I am able to enjoy the sky.  Yesterday, the clouds were beautifully scattered across the blue backdrop and the sun peaked at the center of a group of cotton balls.  No artist could do justice to the splendor of that moment’s sky and I was so happy that while the roads were crowded the sky was all mine to enjoy.  Yet, I haven’t always been the type to delight in a sunrise, or a blooming bloom – I really had to be taught.  Like many in this country I was always rushing and preoccupied with my duties too busy to ever acknowledge the natural beauty around me.  I took it for granted and expected nature to give me day and night; but, who is worthy of a sunrise?  Not only are we unworthy of this wondrous world given to us; but many don’t even appreciate it.  A wise farmer once said that when people stopped working directly with the land they stopped caring for it.  This broken relationship has been the cause of serious abuse against creation…    

Imagine what learning to wake up with a thank you on your lips would do for your life?  “Thank you my sweet, loving Jesus for one more day of life, for one more opportunity to do good…”  Just the thought of waking up with a song of thanksgiving makes my day’s outlook seem worthy of my rising and leaving the comforts of my bed.  The great thing is that if this isn’t your natural morning response, with the help of God it can be (smile).  God pours His holiness, but we are active participants that absorb His grace to glorify Him step by step in our daily encounters.  Sanctification requires a little learning, who would’ve of thunk it?!

New Studies Show that Leggings are Not Pants

A few months ago a woman blogger wrote about her personal decision to stop wearing leggings because she felt immodest in them.  She wanted to help men with custody of the eyes by not wearing a garment she felt was provocative.  This post created a storm from all sides of the spectrum.  People accused her of body shaming, of being a prude- while others praised her decision.  This reminded me of the long debate among fashionistas about whether leggings are pants or not.  Secular fashion magazines have done surveys and the leading majority still agrees that leggings are NOT pants.  Even famous fashion designers have a problem with “when did leggings become pants?”  It seems like no credible fashion source has yet to come forth to support leggings as pants (smile).  In recent years, they have become a great wardrobe staple, but most agree that they cannot be worn alone. 

I love and live in leggings because they are so perfectly comfortable and easy to style.  At a recent birthday party, I was having a conversation with mommy friends and they couldn’t stop raving about LuLaRoe leggings.  LuLaRoe is a consultant brand that claims to produce exquisitely soft clothing and their printed leggings are the most popular item, at twenty-five dollars a pair.  Being a thrifty girl that never pays retail, I decided to wait and keep an eye at my local thrift stores until I found a pair.  Last week, I found four brand new pairs in my size on a day the store was having a half-off sale!  I got all four pairs (the prints are just darling) and paid twelve dollars- at just three dollars a pair!  My favorite are the ones covered with cute heads of Little Miss Piggy.  I was a little apprehensive about the material, while it is very soft it also feels very thin.

Now, because I live in leggings and know that they are an article of clothing that require some fashion sense I have high standards for my body hugging friends.  First, I like them thick enough so that in the light they are not transparent.  I think one of the arguments against leggings being pants is that some are so see-through that they leave little to the imagination.  A big “no-no” in my book.  I’ve had some of my RCIA students wearing them and I could totally see the heart print of their panties.  Which brings me to my second point, I like quality materials because I like them to last more than a couple times in the wash.  I also notice that with higher quality fabrics less of my dog’s hair sticks to them; which is a major plus if you have a pet that sheds.  This weekend I put to the test a pair of my LuLaRoe leggings and I absolutely love them!  They are comfortable, they fall nicely on my curves and the material while lite is not see-through.  I haven’t washed them yet so am not sure how they will do in the laundry.  The prints are so fun and the material lives up to the “buttery-soft” advertisement.  I normally wear my leggings with long tunics, long shirts or layered in some way which is the secret to wearing leggings modestly.  Requiring long tops is what makes this article of clothing a hybrid between pants and tights- they are similar to both, but are their own unique species; not quite pants and not quite tights.  However, definitely modest with a little creativity (smile).    

On the subject of leggings, this video is pretty funny. 

The Church and Unity

I think this is an appropriate time to dedicate some time to understanding the complex definition of terms like “church” and “unity.” Terms that in my daily life are thrown out regularly.  After doing some personal research, the many articles (from various Catholic sources) and different point-of-views read, gave me a better understanding of my faith.  In addition, to showing me that a lot of thought goes into church writings.  Today, I would like to pay close attention to terms like “church” and “unity” and explore the various ways that they can be applied in discussions because ultimately understanding how terms are used makes for clearer dialogue.  

In setting the stage, an in-depth look into church as both in heaven and on earth (with greater focus on the earthly church) is important.  This view takes me from my little parish community to a more complete understanding of church.  After making the distinction (that church surpasses this world) and clarifying that the meaning of terrestrial church is connected to Rome and the Apostles we begin to understand that church encompasses history, having a beginning with key human players led by the Holy Spirit to aid the spread and the continuity of our faith defines church as something that transcends history.  Christ gave special authority to Saint Peter so that we would be united in one church and not little pods of Christian denominations.  Catholic Priest Tarsicius J. Van Bavel proposes that church exists from Abel onward, “from the moment people are called to holiness, there is church on earth.”  I often heard that church began with Christ on the cross so this claim surprised me.  Yet, as expressed by Van Bavel, Augustine’s way of thinking viewed the church as having started before Pentecost.  I agree with this view because when I think of who will be in heaven (the afterlife being a strong concept in my reversion) I like to think that all the holy people in the Old Testament will be there.  Thinking through Augustine lenses of church having an earlier beginning makes this point easier to understand.  

Theologian Peter De Mey states that Pauline literature understands church “as the local community of faith” and uses three metaphors to provide different meanings to church: the church as Body of Christ, Temple of the Holy Spirit, and People of God.  I found that while I have been using all terms as synonyms they actually have very specific meanings for Paul and these meanings give church a broader definition.  As the Body of Christ, we gather together in one faith (one faith in Christ) this stresses the importance of baptism to receive this new life in Christ.  There has to be an action that takes the believer to a position of receiving new life and afterward an expressed commitment to live a Christian life. Thus, belonging to the church means being initiated into it through baptism, this is great because all people can become part of the church.  Baptisms makes us temples of the Holy Spirit, which De Mey describes as a community that inspires each other to grow.  We not only gather together in one faith, but we also help one another reach heaven.  This means that the mission we receive at baptism is a mission we share with our community, we have a common goal and are part of the same team. Finally, as people of God we have a history that dates back to God’s first covenant with man, this is great for interfaith dialogue with Jews.  The good news of Christ is for everyone.

Peter De Mey’s essay, “Church as Sacrament,” offers a deeper explanation which I found the most complex, but which is a good segue into unity. The church as a Sacrament means that the assembly of all believers gather together as a visible sign of God’s love and together are an instrument of unity with our Trinitarian God; thus, the human and divine is exemplified in us, the church: “the church is believed to be sacramental in nature, because she fulfills the divine mission to take care of unity of all people among one another and with the triune God.”  This definition of church seems to be the most controversial within the Christian sphere because it leads to many questions.  One of the debates I found most interesting was in how the church can be a sacrament when it’s composed of sinners, the answer being that people are sinful not the church.  There is sin within it, but the church remains sinless.  I wasn’t really satisfied with this answer, it sounds too ambiguous or too poetic; but sometimes matters of the spiritual nature have a bit of mystery to them as do our seven Sacraments.

The goal of the church is to unify the world to the life, passion, crucifixion and resurrection of Christ because there is no salvation outside of Christ.  Contrary to common belief in regards to religion, Christ isn’t divisible he spoke to and for everyone.  De Mey makes many references throughout his essay to the importance of having the goal of our faith to be one that promotes and attempts to bring unity to the body of Christ and even to the secular world.  He states that for all people (no matter the differences) the church should be a place where the many parts of the body come together, remain together and grow together.  De Mey, states that the term Catholic has been attributed to express oneness or unity of the church, “I also believe that the Council fathers had the new understanding of catholicity in mind when they reminded the believers that Church of Christ is, “one, holy, catholic and apostolic.””  God’s plan has always been to unite the world to the Father through Christ.  Through baptism we come into the church, but this entrance is to some degree conditional because the choice must be made continually to remain in the church.  This is where we differ from Protestants, they see unity only in acceptance of the sacrifice of Christ and we see it as that plus offering ourselves as living sacrifices until we die.  Thus unity begins to get complicated because how can we achieve unity if our understanding of unity is different?

I think the solution through the studied materials is that unity is broken down into three parts: unity within Catholics, unity within Christianity and unity with other faiths.  De Mey expresses that diversity should be embraced because variety enriches the church as does the acceptance of various styles of worship.  This is an issue that parishes that have various groups based on the different necessities of the parish have.  Sometimes to people church can be that small group of charismatics they belong to and De Mey is saying that while charismatics are awesome so are the more orthodox groups because though our expressions of worship vary our beliefs unite us, “it is the Holy Spirit who “for all time “unites” the entire church in fellowship and in ministry, and furnishes it with different hierarchical and charismatic gifts”.”  He does make a strong warning that acceptance of different expressions of faith should not lead to a diluted Christianity.  So, though there’s room (a lot of room) into what constitutes catholicity, there’s still boundaries to keep the body united in Christ.

The articles that I read about church and unity were very enlightening, I did not realize the importance of having correct definitions for every word in our creed nor did I understand the labor of theologians in handing down the faith.  Learning the many correct meanings of terms really does help in leading discussions that promote growth and can be quite helpful in promoting proper respect and understanding in ecumenical and interreligious dialogue. 

Ensenada Travels & Insights

Over the long weekend I was able to visit Ensenada and spend sometime with some of my mom's family, my aunt, the one that shares the same birthday as my mom only plus fifteen years.  She's the sweetest woman who loves hugs as much as I do, all my memories of her include her arms wide open and kisses galore...  

It always shocks me how a five-hour drive south into Mexico reflects such a  difference in lifestyle, where social injustice and poverty are so visible.  Stray, malnourished dogs walking the streets in hopes of finding food, people on corners asking for alms, old people with bent backs still working for sustenance, and small children with dirty faces selling gum packets.  These sights usually depress me even when I mentally prepare myself ahead of time.  This time, however, I saw hope in the many faces of poverty.  I thought of Pope Francis and how he encourages us to see the person behind every social ill - a life worthy of God.  Our society sees the value of the person based on what that person is able to contribute usually his profession, but God tells us that we all have the same God given dignity.  Our value doesn't depend on our talents, but in the fundamental principle that we are all created in the image and likeness of God.  

In a perfect world we would all feel pain when we see one of our brothers suffering.  As I got into a taxi cab, a man in crutches asked me for alms and as I gave him a few pesos the cab driver said, "many of these people, fake an illness to make money."  Unfortunately, that's a prevalent opinion by many, that the poor are untrustworthy or poor because they choose that lifestyle.  My mom has this great practice where she constantly asks God to place before her people He wants her to help and without an examination of whether a person deserves her help or not she helps.  Based on her example, I see that our responsibility is to help not to judge.  

I had a wonderful trip with lots of family time.  I got to play with my aunt's pets and even if they have a humbler life than my Dollar they are happy to have a home.  My aunt too lives quite humbly, but with a heart rich in love.  While we were there we spoiled her rotten and she was so joyful mostly because of our company.  Yet, as I spent five hours commuting back I realized that I want a simpler life.  I can be quite materialistic in my spending and have acquired quite a lot of stuff.  After this trip, I realize that I don't need to have so much stuff to be happy.  That's going to be a new challenge to work on owning less and to not shop as often.  As I simplify my life, I want to take you on this journey in case you too have similar issues.