No Expectations No Disappointments

The day of my brother’s funeral a close friend didn’t show up.  He didn’t show up while my brother was in the hospital, or during the week that passed while we waited to receive the body, or the day we laid him down for eternal rest.  I remember he called me after and said that he was really sorry for my loss.  I asked him why he hadn’t been present during the toughest days of my life.  I remember being so angry with him because of the hurt that his absence caused.  He, being my best friend and my first boyfriend and though we had decided to remain friends after the breakup when I needed him he left me alone.  Later that night while I walked my dog- I remember thinking people give you what they have and if my friend only had enough of himself for a call, I couldn’t be mad at him because he was giving me all he had to give me.  I learned that night that my expectations were the issue.  I was hurt because I expected too much from him.  The only person I should be upset with was myself for expecting too much from another.  No expectations no disappointments was the big lesson of that night.  I didn’t know God then, but I realized that people especially those we love WILL hurt us and they will hurt us BIG time.  Because when we love others we open ourselves to hurt, but through God's grace we can forgive anything.

Let Go and Let God...

In my walk with the lord I later learned about codependent relationships, when each of you depends on one another for complete fulfillment, when unconsciously you make your partner your god and all of your expectations, dreams and desires revolve around that one person… Remember we were not created to be worshipped, we were created to worship God- to glorify God.  Thus, when we place a person- in my case a man on a pedestal he is bound to fall off it very quickly.  As I got to know God a little better I realized that all people come with imperfections even our crushes!  Sometimes the feelings we develop towards a person of the opposite sex can overrule our Christian reason (we begin to see them as perfect creatures because our feelings blind our reason) and we can continue the habit of placing our significant other in places where only God belongs... That's why I find Aristotle's proposition very wise a friendship will only last when two people together fall in love with God.  That is they no longer worship each other or see one another apart from God, but come together to glorify God.  God (for His purposes) will draw two people together so that they might find their salvation in each other’s presence and together fulfill a common mission.  That’s pretty awesome! Venerable Fulton Sheen wrote a book, Three to Get Married, in which he talks about how God needs a special place in all our relationships. He needs to be our compass – our guide and Lord always.  Saint Pope John Paul II tells us that true love is not a feeling, but it’s composed of two things: sacrificial self-giving and responsibility. Of learning to hold to the desire of wanting the best for the beloved.  These descriptions on friendship and love really give one a lot to think about. 

Ultimately I think we are all looking for a person that cares about us- so much that we can be free to be ourselves, be vulnerable and honest.  Someone who will be gentle with us and walk with us towards heaven.  I know that’s what I am looking for.

Reaching that level of intimacy between two requires time, trust, a lot of prayer and courage. It requires the ability to let go of ungodly expectations and hope the best in and for the other.  It’s important to trust God above all and surrender to His will.