After Adam
named all the animals he realized that in all of creation there was not another
like him, of all the animals in the world there was not another suitable to be
his partner; but, before Adam came to this conclusion God was already devising
a plan to create a helper so that Adam would not be alone. I like the use of the term “helper” in
describing the reason for Eve and for all women to come. In these modern times I think we have forgotten
or are offended when we hear that women were created to assist men... I was talking to a friend and she was sharing
her frustrations because the guy she likes doesn’t pursue her in the way she
wants him to. I think her vexation
is very typical because communication between the sexes (initially) can be very
confusing and painful. Part of it has to
do with the distorted images women have of men.
As I have spoken with many single Catholic women frustrated with
Catholic men I realize that we are part of the problem. Many times we judge men or are too critical
in their tactics of pursuing – even worse we have such high expectations that
only Christ can meet them. We want them
to read our minds, to be aggressive but sensitive, strong but gentle, tolerant,
wise, understanding… Our lists can be so
long and detailed- poor men!
It’s good
to have high expectations, but I think it’s equally important to realize that above
all we are helpers. I don’t think anyone
wants to be a bad lover, when we love another we want to make them happy. So am proposing that instead of attacking men
we practice kindness by showing and even telling them how we want to be
loved. I know that the romantic in us
wants a man that comes with complete knowledge of what we like and dislike, but
those perfect men are lies that society conjures to make lots of money from
romantic fools. The reality is that men
of faith need our help in pursuing and long after that- and we need to be patient,
kind and encouraging. We need to
practice and become really good helpers.
Honesty- Many times we feel like the man should know
ahead what our likes and dislikes are, but each woman is different so we need
to develop open communication where we TELL our men especially in the initial
stages how we feel loved. If he’s a good
listener he will try to do those things that make you happy. I love learning things about others. My strongest love language is quality time,
so I love spending time one-on-one and to have good conversation. I am also very affectionate and I love hugs
and affirmations. Can you know all that
just by looking at me, probably not- that’s why stating our needs with clear
words is crucial.
Repetition and Encouragement- Sometimes we all need to hear things
a few times before we get it, thus if you tell your man once what you like and
want from him and he doesn’t do it- understand that most likely he needs a
reminder. Sometimes our pride can be our
worst enemy because we want the other person to get it after one try, but
lessons are taught slowly and most of the time through repetition. Just remember how many tries it took you to learn to ride a bike (smile). It’s also good to repeat
things in an encouraging way, “baby, when you take out the trash you make me so
happy.”
Kindness- We live in a world where people are quick to
retaliate when they are wronged, especially when we feel vulnerable, but the
thing to remember is that if you are starting a friendship with a man there’s
mutual affection. Logically when you
like someone you don’t want to hurt them, but the truth is that everyone is
going to hurt you it is inevitable and no person is exempt from this
truth. At times, in a matter of two we tend
forget that we are both on the same team especially when we are hurt, but the
key in all of this is intention. When
someone hurts you intentionally that can be a revelation to a deeper problem in
character, but when someone hurts you unintentionally we can be sure that the
hurt is just part of the growing pains of friendship.
The point
to today’s ramblings is that we must take our role as helper seriously because
love is patient and kind. Our faith
makes all of us servants to one another let’s not forget that in the realms of
romantic love (smile).
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