Soul Searching

I did a lot of soul searching this weekend because I value living in truth.  As a person whose mind tends to play tricks – I often have to check myself to make sure that I am not being deceived by my own mind.  Even for people who don’t have mental disabilities, it’s important to take the time to evaluate one's walk with the Lord and especially to discern matters of the heart.  We are told that the heart is deceitful and it’s possible for us to deceive ourselves; to believe what is not true, to hope in something that will eventually result in disappointment…  Sometimes talking things over with someone you really trust helps kill tunnel vision and to see the truth.  Yesterday, I worked up the nerve and I talked to my sister about a relationship that I am trying to discern God’s will. 

God gives each of us a really high value- yet we are the final judge in accepting our self-worth.  He views each person as a unique treasure made in His own image and He encourages us not to cast our pearls before swine.  This doesn’t mean that men are pigs, but it does mean that if a man doesn’t recognize the value of your love, he will do the same thing to your heart that pigs do to pearls- trample and crush them into the mud.  Both of your hearts are valuable to God; thus, the giving of love in a matter of two requires a gradual and reciprocal self-giving.  This slow exchange helps the two realize the value of the other person and helps guard each other’s heart.

My sister reminded me that a man who really wants a woman will do whatever he must to possess her heart.  And that when a woman encourages and shows the man that she’s interested if he really likes her he will trample any shyness, fear or insecurity to talk to her and slowly win her heart.  She helped me see that if a man can pursue other things, but chooses not to pursue me- he might like me, but not enough.  That he probably still has someone else in his mind or is searching for a more compatible match and as soon as he finds her he will pursue her.  The truth stinks sometimes, that’s why so many waste so much time in self-deception; but, I only get one life and I want to live it simply and honestly- even if it the truth hurts.