Pace Yourself

Yesterday I attended a Theology on Tap talk on dating and while I was driving home I started thinking about a weakness Catholics who are not serial daters demonstrate.  During the cruise while talking to various Catholic singles I realized that because we view courtship differently than the secular world it’s difficult for us not to form attachments to others when we find someone worthy.  I myself, have trouble in this area.  I met a man and had a deep conversation for a couple hours and based on that short interaction my feelings were so strong that I wanted him to be my one-and-only.  One talk and I was already thinking this is a man I want to get to know for the rest of my life… And I pursued him by sending him an email and waited knowing during the wait that he was not interested in me, but I felt like I had enough love for both us.  I prayed a million rosaries, but God said, “no.”  When I was relaying this story to Father during spiritual direction he told me that I needed to improve in protecting my heart and I needed to calm my desire to emotionally move from base one to homerun so quickly.  He told me to talk to my heart and train it to be cautious, but it’s so hard!  

While talking to more singles about this behavior of quick emotional attachment I realized that this behavior is a challenge many Catholic’s are facing.  I think perhaps our inexperience in dating is part to blame.  For example, I don’t date.  I get so lost between my career and working for the Kingdom the rest of the time that my heart gets no practice in the dating scene.  Thus, when a man inspires my heart it’s difficult to manage my feelings because they are so foreign to me.  Romantic love is an unfamiliar territory, but if I have discerned that marriage is for me than it’s a valley that I need to get familiar with.  Father suggested that I employ a technique of vocally telling my heart that he (referring to my beloved) is not into me- to keep repeating that statement in order for my stubborn heart to pace itself.  Part of that exercise is also learning to control our thoughts and when they begin to wonder too far to focus on God and keep busy. Having the vulnerability to open up to others is a beautiful gift, but like we practice chastity in our relationships we also need to develop a course of prudence in our emotional life.  Learning to guard our hearts and keep it real- meaning acknowledging the facts over our emotions and living in truth is the way.  I know that for us with passionate hearts keeping it real is the worst, but if it helps diminish heartache than it's a must (smile).