A Modest Romance

When I was younger I used to be the chaperon on my sister's dates- yes, my parents were the traditional, extremely strict type.  At the time my sister and I thought that they were small country folk desperately in need of a modern make-over, but now I know that it was their way of passing onto us their high standards for living.  Our family was the patriarchal type and one of mom’s many roles was to teach us to be modest women who would one day make good wives.  Her talk on courtship included a very clear outline on how a classy woman must always behave.  She engraved in our minds that as women it was our duty to protect our virtue because what men wanted in a wife was someone who they could respect and honor.  She told us very clearly that we were never to allow a man to hold our hand on a first date - in fact she told us that we needed to be very cautious about our physical demonstrations of affection with the opposite sex.  As a young child, I recall having these talks on the birds and the bees with my mother and I idolized her with that childhood innocence that I never thought to question her views on the subject.  As a rebellious teenager with a formal sex education talk in school I suddenly felt like my mother’s beliefs were too old fashioned. Classmates too supported the modern values and challenged me into war with anything my mother said.  She was the past generation no longer relevant…

Now as an adult, I see the wisdom of my mother.  I only have one romantic relationship to pull knowledge from, but I truly believe that all great romances begin with respect.  I have heard many men say that a man will only go as far as a woman allows him to go.  Hum… If this is true (which I believe it is) that means that we as women have a lot of power.  For one, we have the control to establish the pace of the relationship...  One of my favorite scenes in the 2005 version of Pride & Prejudice is when Darcy helps Elizabeth onto the carriage and holds her hand to help her up.  It’s the first moment in which they touch and the way the film depicts it makes the audience swoon for we have been longing for this.  My mom taught us- to experience the beauty of every moment and to hold hands only with the one that we really wanted to hold hands with…  When my ex and I held hands for the first time after a few months of dating it was the most beautiful experience – his chest puffed up with satisfaction and my insides danced with pleasure.  When we kissed after almost a year of dating it was better than any romantic film you have ever seen.  I made myself the prize and taught him to value me and when I allowed him to hold my hand or kiss me it was a sign of a huge conquest to him and fruit of his unrelenting perseverance - he loved me for it.  Nowadays people go from "hi" to sharing a bed and miss out on the rewards that come with the wait.  It’s just sex they say…  Yet, God tells us it’s much more.

I have learned that the best romantic relationships start as friendships and take time to cultivate.  One of our failings in this modern culture is the accepted rush with which we live life.  We want an easy, fast-forward button all the time, but even God took seven days to create the universe not because He needed rest, but because He wanted to stop and simply enjoy His creation (one-step at a time)…  Modesty is not just about the outward it’s also about waiting and in doing so learning the value of others.  It’s about experiencing life and enjoying everything, especially people, one moment at a time.