Gratitude Improved The Quality of My Life

YA Thanksgiving Potluck

In my family of four siblings not only was I the last to be born I am also seven years apart from my youngest brother.  Thus, I became a spoiled, rotten, little girl who grew up to be a spoiled, rotten, young woman.  My siblings all treated me like a porcelain doll in matters of care, but like the queen in giving me everything that I wanted.  My dad too, lavished me with attention and material gifts and my mom soon surrendered the reign and joined in the spoiling of the babe of the house.  This treatment made me grow up with an entitled spirit, an impatient attitude and difficult to please personality.  I was never happy nor satisfied- I always wanted more.  My point-of-view was always in getting more and never in being grateful for the gifts received.  As a child, I always got what I wanted simply for being the baby.  Yet, no matter how much I was given it was never enough- I had learned to be greedy.  This greed brought many bad habits that would rob me of my peace and leave me unhappy...  As we near Thanksgiving Day, I was recalling how Jesus taught me to be grateful and how practicing thankfulness has freed from some evil spirits.  

We shared our faith, ate, played games and socialized

Critical & Jealous Spirit:  Sometimes life looks greener on the other side.  I would look at the lives of other women who had the status, the looks, the nice things, the boyfriend, the health… (Without any of the baggage that I carried) and I would envy their lives.  Why couldn’t I be like them or why couldn’t my life be as exciting as theirs?  I would get lost thinking how I would love to be anyone but me and sometimes I would get really jealous.  This jealousy made it hard for me to build friendships with other women who were prettier, smarter, just “more” than me.  It also made me become a perfectionist and this perfectionism turned me into a judge.  And I would criticize people for every flaw and error- including myself. 

Had a great night with my girls!

Sad Spirit:  Often times I would feel really depressed just comparing myself to others and becoming aware of what I lacked.  This drove me to work really hard for worldly things like status, prestige and possessions.  Yet, the more I moved up in the world and the more stuff I collected - didn’t make me happier.  I used to have this reoccurring thought- “if I only get this one more thing or I finish this one more college title” then I will be happy.  However, goals would be achieved and I still had no satisfaction – there was a new object I needed, a new title to finally gain happiness…  It seemed like happiness was always a step ahead of me and I was always behind in a puddle of critical depression.

I cooked and prayed that it turned out good- God heard my prayers and made it yummy!

Then one day, God finally got my attention and stopped this wild-goose chase.  Slowly He transformed my eyesight – I was blind and then I saw.  I saw that I had so much stuff, but more importantly I was loved by all the people in my life – but the people who gave me love were just instruments or vessels that transmitted His love for me.  He loved me unconditionally without reason- He just simply did.  He taught me to look at the mirror and see my arms and how they could be used to caress and hug others, I saw my feet and saw how I could walk to do good deeds, I saw my lips and learned how to say loving things that would encourage others…  I saw every part of my being fully functioning and I saw that God needed my arms, feet, lips my whole being so others could see Him.  I wasn’t perfect by world standards, but I was perfect for His mission- I was perfect for Him.  Slowly, as I began to use myself and my life to help others I began to experience peace and joy- and a feeling of constant contentment.  I was thankful for my body, for my mind, for my heart- for all of me because God loves me and created me perfectly in His image.  Slowly, I no longer looked at others with envy or criticism; I just tried to love them because I finally saw that without Jesus everything is meaningless.  I had found the treasure of treasures- and He set me free to love.  In learning the ways of love I learned that my parents and siblings all chose to love me and all the affection and gifts given to me were demonstrations of their love- and I needed to value love, be thankful for it not take it for granted.  I learned that being a saint is a byproduct of loving God- it’s never a goal.  So this Thanksgiving I want to thank God for giving me new eyesight and showing me how to love and how to be thankful.  I just want God to love you through me (smile).  “Let them thank the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for mankind…” 

Alpha Program: Life- Is this It?

After ten weeks of participating in the Alpha program yesterday was the closing night and as always God outdoes Himself in pouring blessings in my life…  The Alpha program was developed by an Anglican priest as a course to welcome the unchurched and those who were Christian only by name.  In his efforts to evangelize, Reverend Nicky Gumbel, developed a ten week faith program which aims at getting people interested and talking about deep spiritual questions in a safe, non-judgmental setting.  Though Alpha began in the Evangelical Anglican tradition it has become popular and used in many mainstream churches including the Catholic Church. Every night begins with a delicious catered dinner, an engaging talk (usually in form of a very entertaining video), and closes with small group discussions.  This is not your typical bible study group, from the moment you reach the door to the hall there are friendly greeters at the door welcoming you in.  The dinner is set up as a buffet style, so that you serve yourself as you come in and say grace on your own (only if you choose).  During the thirty-minute dinner at our tables we talk just like we would if we were out with friends, each night building closer relationships.  Then the night begins with a video usually exploring a few deep questions. The video is set up in ten minute intervals so that after each interval we discuss in our small groups some of the ideas presented.  The topics each night are organized in a way that promote growth and get more personal as the weeks go by.  This is a great program for those who are curious or new to the faith.

What I liked about the program is that it begins by asking participants to tell us their story.  Where are you at?  Instead of telling them what we believe we first explore, where each person is at in their faith journey.  Every night that’s what it’s all about- tell me your story, let me listen to you.  Sometimes as Catholics we want to share the law first and that usually doesn’t go well with new believers.  I know that when I returned to the church, I met a lot of opposition from some well-meaning Catholics.  I recall one experience when I was wearing a necklace with the peace sign and one of the leaders told me that I couldn’t wear that necklace to the group because of the diabolic history behind the peace symbol.  This really hurt my feelings and I became very defensive.  Through the grace of God I managed to continue exploring my faith, even though I met a lot of Catholics that turned me off by their legalistic sometimes fanatic positions.  This is not to say that God’s laws are not important, but before the law every person needs to encounter God and fall madly in love with Him.  Love usually comes first. Once I encountered God for the first time - loving Him as He wants to be loved came next- expressing my faith through our Catholic tradition began to develop.  This is what the Alpha program is about.  Come let’s talk, let me listen and share God’s love with you.  Come encounter Christ, come know God and learn how much He loves you.

Nights begin with a yummy dinner.

The videos are consistently hosted by two young guys Ben & Jason. 

Every night we begin with a joke and after the fourth week with worship and a short prayer.

Though I didn’t go around asking the rest of the small groups about their experience, I know based on the testimony of my new sisters in Christ that the Alpha experience really inspired and motivated my group mates.  Our group of nine young women and our fearless leader really grew in very positive ways.  Last night we recruited new gals for our Advent Bible Study group starting next week (SMILE).  Our Alpha small group had a good variation in terms of spiritual maturity: some of the women have been Cradle-Catholics who had bad experiences and left the church, others are Catholics that occasionally go to Mass, some are very active in their faith - and we had a very special young lady who was a non-practicing Mormon!  We all had our night when we shed tears and a really intimate day when we prayed together as a group.  I am really satisfied with my experience and looking forward to being a small group leader in April when we offer the program in our parish again.  If you are interested in participating, contact me and I will give you details about our 2016 Alpha session.   

Modesty According to Coco Chanel

I been thinking a lot lately on the subject of femininity- from the superficial, ruffles and ribbons to the more personal like the warmth, emotional and loving nature of the female sex. While some people can’t seem to get past the notion of who is greater amongst the sexes- I love that God made me female, I really would stink as a man (smile).  From a very early age I preferred dolls, playing house and dressing up. A good shade of red lipstick still manages to add color to my life especially on gray days.  While organizing my closet, I recalled that one of the reasons I thought I would never return to the Catholic faith was because the thought of wearing long, solemn skirts and shapeless tops terrified me.  I thought that being Catholic meant no longer being feminine - that modesty implied a scorn of the material and a rejection of physical appearance…  While I have discussed my inner conversion, I know that I’ve also had a style evolution these past years as a Catholic revert.  I’ve learned a little better that modesty is not being frumpy- the saints all look quite clean and put together in the photographs I have seen of them (smile).  Which leads me to believe that they loved themselves enough to maintain good hygiene and physical care.  One cannot say I love myself and not care for the body God gave us… Anyway, today I want to write about what I have learned about modesty from a style icon, Coco Chanel.  Though Chanel was not Christian, I think that when it comes to modesty and style – she has left great blueprints for us women to follow.  Her ideas about style really resonate Christian style spirituality.  Thus, I have selected fourteen great Chanel quotes to describe what modesty means to me today and how I have evolved in appearance as my faith has grown. 

             

Modesty:

• “Be classy.  Anything but trashy.”

• “Adornment, what a science! Beauty what a weapon! Modesty, what elegance!”

• “Dress shabbily (immodestly) and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman.”

• “Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance.”

Classic style is not about objectifying yourself, but of expressing your God given beauty.  It’s a matter of knowing your worth and dressing accordingly.  I’ve heard the cliché that we are daughters of the King so we need to dress the part and resemble heavenly royalty.    

Modesty doesn’t mean frumpy:

• “I don’t understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself a little – if only out of politeness.  And then, you never know, maybe that’s the day she has a date with destiny.  And it’s best to be as pretty as possible for destiny.”

Sometimes in our desire to claim our “not of this world” status we start to resemble bums.  I know that for a while I erroneously thought Catholicism (in terms of style) meant I needed to not care about my physical appearance at all.  So, I stopped dressing up, wearing make-up and fixing my hair; yet I was miserable because to me style is a form of creativity and self expression... Now I know that it’s ok to have a neat, feminine appearance and that to take the time to care for all of me is not sinful. 

True beauty has depth:

•  “Elegance comes from being as beautiful inside as outside.”

True beauty is personal:

• “The best color in the world is the one that looks good on you.” 

• “Trendy is the last stage before tacky.” – Karl Lagerfeld

Beauty involves the whole person, taking care of our inner self is really important so that we can shine God’s light to others.  When we sin be quick to go to confession, humble to seek help with our weaknesses and always open for growth.  God gives us high standards to live our lives- let’s be obedient to His ways.  We were uniquely made so don’t get trapped with following trends and trying to be someone you are not- be yourself, you are the only one of you.  Sometimes I feel like we lack originality because we are so afraid to be ourselves and try so hard to be what the media tells us we need to be.  Yet, true beauty is grasping and living authentically. 

True beauty cares:

This quote reminded me of being good stewards.  Don’t let cheap prices fool you, do your homework and see how your purchases are harming the world.  More is not better- one quality item can last longer, help others and keep our world cleaner.

True beauty lasts a lifetime.

•  “You can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty and irresistible for the rest of your life.”

God made our beauty to last forever.  We don’t need Botox or plastic surgery to hold on to our youth or remain beautiful because we are beautifully made at any stage in our lives.

Something Old, Something New

My parents like to go to Mexico at least once a year to visit my paternal grandma. During the trips my mother always stops by our house and brings me back little treasures.  They are small family heirlooms like old photographs, childhood keepsakes- just little mementos that never fail to make me blissfully happy.  This time she surprised me with her wedding veil!  The rectangular piece is made of a delicate lace flower pattern.  My mom had a simple Catholic Church wedding when she married my dad.  She wore a personally hand-sewn, lace, pencil skirt (which she brought for me previously) and a matching jacket.  The jacket she converted into a maternity shirt and is lost forever (sigh)!  Since my parents have no surviving wedding pictures these articles hold even more value and serve as glimpses into the beginning of my parents love story.  The skirt is made of luxurious lace - absolutely radiant and I have stored it safely.  The veil though seems too special to put aside.  I had been previously thinking of purchasing a veil to wear when I visit Jesus in chapel and now I have a very special piece to look pretty for my Lord!  It seems like God wanted me veiled too because he provided this heirloom for my wear (smile). 

My moms wedding skirt nicely stored.

 I love the craftsmanship- the sturdy metal zipper and the button covered in the same lace.  The lace has a 3D appeal it's just absolutely gorgeous! 

I love vintage things, giving life to old articles thrills me especially when they have been in my family!  Growing up my mom used to refashion dresses for me from skirts she no longer wore and I loved her creativity in giving second life to garments instead of throwing them out.  For school picture day I always had the neatest refashioned hand-made dresses.  People would shower me with compliments.  That’s why I love thrift shopping and salivate over yard sales.  I just think we can learn so much from the values of past generations.  The idea of reusing things creatively instead of falling into the evils of consumerisms is a value that I like to implement in my life.  After doing some research into the damaging effects of our throw-away society I know that our God given call to good stewardship calls us to care for our planet by considering the effects of all the decisions we make- small as they might be.  In the past, refashioning was a way of life.  To take an old unwanted item and creatively give it new life was the norm.  I remember my mom sewing patches on our jeans instead of throwing them out at the first sign of wear.  She often takes me down memory lane and I love hearing about how she managed to use the material of her wedding jacket to make a pretty blouse to wear during her first pregnancy.  There’s something sweet about a fabric being able to serve so many special functions.

The Chantilly lace rectangular veil has beautiful scalloped edges.

For a few years now, ninety-percent if not more of what I wear comes from second hand stores.  Though, I too suffer from being too busy- in addition to lacking the patience to sew I crave a lifestyle change.  I want to slow down, to do less so that I can pick up some homely skills.  Growing up in Mexico, my mom involved us in daily house chores: cooking, cleaning and even taught us some sewing basics.  Part of the expectations of mothers in the past was to turn daughters into good housewives.  My sister is ten years older than I am, so she had more training than I did and she is very proficient in sewing, knitting, crocheting and baking.  This whole modern shift in first world countries telling women that homely values and skills serve of little or no value has really hurt our society.  I know that as I became a modern educated woman I wanted people to value me because of my mind not my homemaking skills. I prided myself in my very limited cooking and cleaning abilities and frowned upon women who desired to “just” be housewives.  Now a little older and hopefully wiser I see the beauty and the effort that it takes to run a home with love and care.  There’s nothing little about my mother in choosing her family instead of a career.  Shame on our secular culture for telling us that women who choose to sacrifice for their families are weak, ignorant - even deficient.  I love old things, tangible bits that connect me to my past, but I am also really drawn to traditional values which highlight the roles and expectations for the sexes.  There’s order and clear expectations for each to follow, a man must be a man and a woman a woman because together they complement each other.  That’s beautifully and biblically organic.  It’s a blessing to live reaping the positive effects of the women’s rights movement, but again I feel like our popular culture tells us we must make a choice between family and career- between old and new.  I am learning that we can have both.  We can be learned women who still pride ourselves in running a household, exchange family recipes and keep a happy home.  Love is a verb and if we want marriage we need to learn to express our love through every day actions like cooking, cleaning, mending… (SMILE).    

Mamita Maria ruega por nosotros, amen.

Finding Our Identity in Christ

Lately I have been having trouble keeping up with writing three times a week- I started school again, a ten week bible study series, teach RCIA half day on Sunday’s, plus making time for friends and family in addition for the past two months I have been working longer hours to keep up with my work volume- so I am exhausted! I have been thinking that if I only write once a week, my articles will hopefully improve and I will be able to get more creative with my photos and graphics.  Thus, this week is my last week writing three times, going forward I am going to publish once (maybe twice as the holidays approach) a week and see if this change produces the positive effects I think it will.  Writing has always been a passion of mine, to put word to paper is a process that detangles and orders my thoughts, that gives me courage, leads me to solutions, fills me with peace and recently has helped organized my faith.  Putting order to my spiritual beliefs in this public forum has allowed my relationship with God to mature and my faith to grow.  What began as a shy-a-bit-all-over the place personal testimony has turned into what Simba experienced when he saw his reflection in the river, he realized that he was worthy of becoming the Lion King.  I too have seen my reflection in these past three-hundred plus posts and I like what I see looking back (smile).  I am a woman with a powerful story who is unconditionally and perfectly loved by God and His love allows me to look at my reflection and like Simba know that I am destined for great things (priest, prophet and queen).  When we discover and most importantly KNOW that God loves us we are freed to love ourselves (to do otherwise is to sin against God) and these short, imperfect posts have allowed me to see the spirit of God working in me and changing me daily more into His image. 

This will shock you, but I have never wanted to be a saint, the notion baffles me- I always thought that I didn’t have it in me.  It’s hard for me to think of the great men and women we venerate as saints doing all the great things they did to gain a title.  I think my problem is with the “saint title” because I just don’t see Saint Francis or Saint Claire doing all the wonderful, selfless things they did with a desire to gain status.  All their actions were products of godly love and of stripping themselves to make more room for God.  I still have difficulty thinking of my personal sanctification, but I do want more of God in me and holiness is just that God in me (smile).  Maybe it’s also a matter of my pride thinking that I am too unworthy to become a saint? Perhaps, it takes a certain level of humility (that I still lack) to admit that I want to be saint.  I think it also goes back to the effects of reading some of the writings of Nietzsche in which he makes powerful arguments concerning our human desire for titles and status.  In society we are taught to aim for power, money and status and I think my problem with sainthood is that sometimes I feel like people use it as a form of pride.  For example, I once heard a devout Catholic friend admit that a guy wouldn’t date her because she was too holy and she truly believed she was- and that scares me!  I knew her well and I knew her shortcomings, pride was one of them.  I am a sinner (sometimes I have my moments of holiness) but for the most part I come short.  God wants us to have a healthy self-image, to see ourselves as He does.  His love gives us the courage to accept ourselves today, but it also shows us what we can become.  The becoming is not a matter of status, but a process that forms our identity in Christ.  Holiness should set us apart for God, but still keep us connected to others because the world needs holy people in the world.  There’s not a saint who became one on his own or who claimed to be one.  It’s sort of like claiming humility, the moment we announce that we are humble we are really expressing our pride.  I guess, sainthood is something that happens quietly.  

Nature is the Art of God

I love fall, the cinnamon, crisp air, my dog’s paws crunching the fallen leaves, the variations of browns and oranges…  I love the barren branches reaching towards the sky like long fingers searching for a lover’s hand.  I love the grey skies that engulfs life in a shade of grey and keep people inside in fear of rain.  I love walking in silence with my dog trailing behind and sometimes running ahead with a tail dancing in the wind and a curious nose clinging close to the ground.  He often stops at a bush or a fallen branch, erects his ears, sniffs and if the smell dissatisfies him marks it, lifting his head when finished with a proud smile like he has accomplished a great feat.  He listens to the crackling leaves and the wild sounds that come together to create an autumn song, sometimes I can see his ears attentively moving to capture every noise.  When we arrive home he plops on the carpet enjoying a treat satisfied with another day’s exploration.  He’s not one of those annoying dogs that disrespectfully jumps and licks, no, only occasionally when he truly knows I need affection will he politely lay next to me and offer a few consolatory licks.  He’s the quiet type, rarely barks and when he attempts to howl at the sound of a passing ambulance - it’s hard not to chuckle.  I love creation, whether it’s a beautiful landscape or my perfect, furry companion.  To me the natural world connects me to God, it allows me to catch glimpses of His majesty and to believe in His great love- for who can give us an entire universe, speak things into being or simply breathe life into existence.

In Mexico, we had a small farm and my brothers were sheep herders during summer breaks.  My brother-in-heaven used to take our sheep out into the wild and climb a cherry tree while the sheep grazed the fields.  I love thinking of him high on a tree plopping cherries into his mouth and enjoying the natural wonders of God (Michoacán (where I am from in Mexico) is known for its stunning forests).  While my brothers took leave every morning with the sheep, I stayed home and helped care for the rabbits and chickens.  I would give them feed, but mostly spend hours playing with my friends.  During certain times of the year my little pueblo would have celebrations that would send us out into the forests.  Like once a year the fields would produce mushrooms and this would send all the children into the forests to collect the delights for consumption.  I remember going out pail in hand with my friends to pick mushrooms and we would have so much fun filling our buckets with the mana from heaven.  During the summer, the fields would become inundated with Amapolas (the native flowers of Michoacán) and again we would all leave our little pueblo and go out into the woods to picnic and to pick flowers.  I remember all the girls making beautiful necklaces and wreaths for their heads, while the boys chased squirrels, the women proudly shared recipes and the men laid beneath trees socializing.  Those were such happy times! 

Nature gave us such joy and we thanked God simply by enjoying it.  When I give someone a gift, let’s say a cute shirt and I see my friend wearing it, it makes me so happy.  In the same way, when we sit and contemplate a blue sky, or close our eyes to feel the caress of the wind God rejoices because He loves seeing us enjoy His gifts.  Sometimes we forget that in order to be great givers we need to practice at becoming grateful receivers.  We receive from God so we can give to the world (smile).  

Fall Celebrations

This weekend was full of celebrations!

Halloween:  Though I normally write a post ahead of time giving you guys some ideas about how to celebrate the festivity in a way that honors God, this year October turned into an unexpected busy month for me.  Thus, I had to postpone my pumpkin carving activity and converting my candy until the actual Halloween day.  On Saturday morning my nephew and I read our traditional children’s story “The Pumpkin Gospel.”  The book takes the pumpkin carving process and turns it into a neat way of explaining how God helps clean us out of the icky we have inside and once clean He pours Himself into us making us shine with happy new faces.  It’s a short read that helps us focus on God in a creative way.

Then we mark our candy with “smile God loves you” stickers so that the kids that come to our doors get a yummy treat and a positive message of God’s love.  The activity can sometimes generate some good spiritual discussion with my nephew, but usually ends with a race on who can put more stickers on the candy (smile).       

All Saints Day: This year the solemnity fell on Sunday so Father asked all the children to come to Mass in saint costumes.  He had them enter the parish in procession during the beginning of the liturgy.  The kids looked fabulous and produced many smiles amongst the community.  During the homily Father asked the children questions about their saints and it was just such a special liturgical celebration full of giggles and laughter.  I could tell the children felt very special and were more attentive during mass they sat together in a special reserved section.  Before the service ended Father gave our little saints a special blessing and again they left the church in procession.  We are blessed to have Father, he’s so creative and extremely passionate about God - his faith is contagious.      

All Souls Day: Today my brother would have had one more birthday- he was born on El Dia de Los Muertos.  Thus, every year my family and I visit the cemetery to remember and pray for him.  Yesterday, after mass we headed to the cemetery to decorate his grave with flowers and to pray for him.  Our Catholic faith through tradition and rituals really help us heal.  Last week I attended a funeral.  After the Catholic Mass, my friend who doesn’t believe in God came over and told me, “You Catholics sure know how to make people cry, I felt a lot of healing during the service.  I couldn’t stop crying.”  I felt so comforted by her words because that’s what brought me back to God and to my Catholic faith the healing and the hope of life after death.  I too have experienced and continue to experience a lot of healing in our beautiful liturgical celebrations.

In our RCIA class we built our altar and had the students place the name of their faithfully departed in small cards to place on the altar and we did a communal prayer for our deceased and I also saw a lot of healing in this small action.  Some of my students cried during the short prayer.  At the end of class one of my students asked me to be his sponsor! I am super excited – last year I had his soon to be wife in my class.  Her experience in the RCIA program was so moving that she enlisted her man this year.  It’s just so awesome to see God in action in the lives of my spiritual kiddos (smile).