Be Kind Anyway

I was raised as we in Spanish would say a la antigua or with old fashion principles.  One of the values my parents instilled early on was to have pride in and protect the family name.  During my formative years they taught me to be friendly to everyone and treat people with respect.  I remember every time we visited friends I was expected to greet everyone with a firm handshake.  Growing up they did teach me scholarly things, but mostly focused on forming a good person with a kind heart.  They taught by example, my parents are extremely popular people in our town in Mexico (they have numerous godchildren to prove it) because people love and respect them so much.  This respect came from two things: my parents are people of honor and extremely kind to everyone who crosses their path.  When we moved to California things didn’t change and soon the entire neighborhood were friends with my parents.  Sometimes they walk my dog and whoever they meet in their path they smile and say hello.  They go out of their way to be kind.  I remember the first time I had a BBQ at my house my neighbor was cutting a tree and my dad grabbed a plate of carne asada with all the trimmings and very natural handed the plate over to my very surprised neighbor. In our home, getting good grades was secondary to being a kind, welcoming, serviceable person to others.  And I think that their example of human kindness has served me greatly in my life for I too boast of many friendships.

Growing up, the transition from Mexico to California really affected me because of the language barrier.  Starting at a new school where I couldn’t be understood or understand anyone was extremely difficult and I became a withdrawn, quiet child.  As I got older my shyness kept me from making a lot of friends, but the few friends I had were highly treasured.  In high school I met most of my friends who are my core group or my best friends forever as my nephew says.  In having this small group of friends I felt like I needed no one else and for many years I didn’t let anyone else in.  I love my best friends they are people of exceptional character, who have traveled with me through some of my darkest hours and though none have a relationship with Christ they have been very supportive of my reversion into the Catholic Church.  Yet, as I have grown in my faith so has my need increased to make solid Catholic friendships.  I love Victorian and Gregorian literature because it presents a culture of high morality - a culture very similar to the simple way of life I was brought up in.  Growing up I always felt like a weirdo because my old fashioned values seemed to clash with the lifestyles those close to me led.  It wasn’t until I started making Catholic friends that I found people who were waiting on sex until marriage, who believed in sacramental marriage and who valued traditional family, like me.  These friendships gave me the confidence to be utterly me with my Victorian, antiquated principles!

Though I thought that I needed no more friends God showed me that in order for me to continue maturing as a Catholic I needed godly people to encourage, accompany and guide me in my spiritual journey.  As I began to open myself to friendships I soon was like my parents blessed with so many wonderful friendships and now I have my core Catholic best friends too, who encourage me so much!  I learned that I didn’t have to give up my non-Catholic friends because they weren’t causing me to sin, after much trial and error I realized that I got drunk out of my own actions not because of peer pressure.  I learned to see the goodness in them (not the sin) and am so glad that they didn’t give up on me either while I found this out or as I gave up the party life and became more religious.  A friend wrote asking me to write a piece on how to make Catholic friendships, I didn’t realize that this was a challenge for people so I promise to tackle it next.  In the meantime know that good friendships come in all shapes and sizes and just because people are not Catholic doesn’t mean that they won’t make great friends.  I have a bundle of great people in my life who though not religious are my BFF’s and who I hope and pray one day will have a conversion of Heart and Soul.