The first time I sought treatment for my
mental disability (in my early twenties), I remembered that every meeting with
my therapist I wouldn’t wear make-up because I wanted to be real. I didn’t want to wear any masks- but
truthfully seek a solution to my internal chaos. At the time I was really depressed and had a
strong connection to the hopelessness of Nietzsche. Christianity, I believed, had failed me long
before and I found myself as a young adult battling with issues of the meaning
of life and my existence. I was also
really drawn to mythology and in the Epic of Gilgamesh I found that
perhaps what every human could aspire was to leave a legend to be remembered
by. Accomplishment became my purpose,
meaning and definition to life. If I do
great things I will be happy. If I
become an important member in society I will be happy… Yet, as I received certificates for
educational accomplishments this void in me still lived unsatisfied by any of
my triumphs. In fact, I felt as Solomon
so famously said everything is
meaningless… I’d often wonder why I
was troubled with these questions of meaning when most of my friends were happy
to just live in the present… The thing is we were created for meaning.
Inside each of us lies a struggle towards
meaning and purpose. Society tells us
that we will find happiness in having a lot of material possessions or that accomplishments
will help us lead fulfilling lives. While
the solutions society provide are erroneous it does recognize the need we all
have for meaning. Advertising companies
provide alternatives that momentarily supply a bit of pleasure. Daily we are bombarded with superficiality,
drink this, buy this, do this… But meaning requires depth. Matthew Kelly, describes “our culture as a
giant teenager constantly taking trivial things and making them important.” If you place a professional football player
side by side with the ability that each of us have to make a difference in
people’s lives – one begins to see that unique talents while a valuable form of
self-expression are secondary to our God given purpose. If you place Lionel Messi with all his talent
on the soccer field- next to Mother Teresa and her ability to make a difference
in the lives of so many unfortunate lives- we get context. We begin to see that while Messi’s talent is
amazing – the gift each of us have to make a difference in the lives of others
is much greater, much more profound, and much more meaningful.
Yesterday, I met with my Small Lenten Faith
Sharing Group and the four of us delved into this coming Sunday’s
readings. Scripture gives us so much
direction and context for living meaningful lives. In the Exodus reading, God tells us that
those who obey His commandments will find happiness. God has a plan for our lives and He created
us with a purpose- the only way we can find satisfaction is in Him. Sometimes when my doubts grow in power, I
think of my life prior to my conversion and I realize that God is my meaning
and purpose. And no matter the state of
my heart as long as I have Him there’s hope and endurance for the trials. I have been working on prayer this Lent, been
spending some time in silence and have been hearing God’s voice full of meaning tell me to wait
with my arms open…
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