Christian Dating After Thirty

Navigating through relationships can be very confusing especially when one doesn’t have a lot of experience.  I’ve shared before how I am quite an inexperience person myself with the opposite sex and establishing relationships- even simple friendships are quite a challenge for me.  For the past few years I have read practically every book on Christian dating- and I have come to the following conclusion – while the books have been instructive, most focus on the early college years.  So what about single people after thirty?  It’s as if all authors have forgotten that there are single people past the college years.  I've been thinking that maybe God is giving me all this experience as a single young adult to perhaps write a book that explores the dating process after thirty (smile).  We learn through experience and this knowledge enables us to help others- so when I think of my struggles as a single woman discerning marriage I rejoice thinking that one day, in addition to myself, I might be able to help others through my romantic testimony (smile). Yes, I happen to be the glass half full type of person (wink).  The following are some things that I have recently learned...

• The first thing is to work at being content on your own.  Healthy relationships come from healthy people and healthy people come from having a close relationship with God.  If you are unhappy alone odds are you are going to be unhappy with someone else.
• Take it slow.  I think women particularly need to hear this, especially romantic, mushy ones like me.  Begin building a friendship knowing that the worst possible words are NOT “let’s be friends.”  Starting as friends enables you to love a person for who they are not what they can do for you.    
• Build Trust. Trusting your heart to someone is downright frightful especially if you want to give it away ASAP.  Yet, as trust is built overtime two things happen (one) you realize that giving yourself to someone is the best gift you have to give and (two) you discern whether this person is worthy of that gift.

• Honest Communication.  I know Saint Francis is famous for his quote, “preach the gospel at all times if necessary use words.”  Actions infinitely speak louder, but remember that words are also important especially at the beginning.  At first the conversations among the two of you might be awkward, uncomfortable, even painful, but when challenges come your way look at it as an opportunity to grow and not to give up.  Patience and willing to work at it speaks volumes in regards to each other’s character.
• Don’t have too many rules.  I know friends that have tons of expectations on just being approached in the right way.  I think some of these “rules” in courting books and just within Christian circles make initiating relationships more challenging and confusing.  I know for a long time I was afraid to initiate a friendly conversation with a man- thinking that Christian men would see this as being too forward.  Yet, men need help sometimes because pursuing is scary- especially when women are so insensitive with their expectations and lack of mercy.
• Which brings me to the next point, be forgiving.  Being Christians one would think that we excel in forgiveness, but sometimes our expectations are so deranged that we want perfection from the start.  I have no experience in Christian courtship so I personally know that I suck at it, and I am just hoping God will send me a man that is patient, persistent and forgiving with me.  
• Don’t give the initial friendship too much power because the weight of it will freak you out.  Just take it slow, but don’t “just let it be” because any relationship requires action – even friendships.  Try to remember that the guy or girl you like is not perfect and in no way should be put on a pedestal (that’s God’s place).

I think seven tips (for now) is a good stopping point.