Sister's in Christ

Feelings are deceptive.  These past few weeks I have been physically and emotionally exhausted!  At times I don’t even feel like we are days away from celebrating the birth of the Messiah.  Though I have prepared spiritually for the birth of Christ in my heart- I just don’t feel the Christmas cheer.  Yet, this lack of emotional cheerfulness has been a theme for the past few years in my being.  Even with all the great activities both secular and spiritual that I do – I feel numb.  It’s as if this anti- Christmas spirit depletes me of all positive emotional rewards and I am left this shell of a person going through the motions, but unable to internalize the happiness of the season.  On Saturday, my best Catholic friends and I had our annual Christmas get-together and I really didn’t feel like attending- my bed and the thought of sleep seemed more appealing.  But I managed to get ready and go.  I picked up my friend, Butterfly, and together we headed to my friend’s house.  In the car- I talked to her about my dark thoughts and struggles and just giving the darkness a voice freed me some.  Later that night as I talked with my sisters in Christ I realized that some of them felt unprepared emotionally for the birth of Christ too.  Their sharing really uplifted me.

Still Celebrating my b-day!

All of my friends are super special to me- but these girls understand me spiritually.  We share God and they get me in a way that others don’t.  Father Morrow advised me to have strong fellowship with Christian friends and to gather with them often.  His advice has been essential to my faith.  I met all of them in Jovenes Para Cristo and now we keep in touch through a private Facebook group, where we pray and catch-up with one another.  We also make the effort to see each other often and to mourn or celebrate together.  Each of them is a big blessing to my life and they encourage and motivate my conversion.  We have been through a lot together and meeting up with them always leaves me so satisfied with life and even hopeful.

On Saturday, we talked about our spirituality and how all of us feel like we could use more prayer.  I told them about how I have been feeling and just bringing it up and sharing relived me of some of my burden.  I left the gathering with a more lifted heart and even traces of joy in my being.  I feel like God is calling me to be strong in the faith even when my feelings betray me.  For His truth no matter how I feel remains truth.  His promises of hope, faith and love remain equally strong regardless of my emotions.  Even when I feel hopeless, faithless, and unlovable- He’s got it all under control.  And whether I await the Lord with an open heart or one that is struggling He will come and He will provide.  He is the gift of Christmas and He gives Himself to ALL no matter the condition of the hearts.  For he can redeem even the darkest of nights.  Thanks to my sister's in Christ for reminding me to trust in God and not lean on my own understanding (smile).