Geeky Read

I have been reading  Life of Pi, by Yann Martel, for the past couple of days.  Though I fell upon the audiobook a couple months ago at a thrift store, knowing the premise of the novel involved a boy and a lion (being an animal lover) I really hesitated on reading it because stories with animal characters usually crush my heart and a big messy cry happens at some point during the reading.  Fearing the shedding of tears I waited until I had a day of low energy and I needed something to distract my mind while I rested in bed.  Having zero energy to read I put the first cd on my cd player and quickly was transported to the Pondicherry Zoo in India where I met teenage Pi (a Hindu-Christian-Muslim) who at his young age has such a concrete understanding of God that surpasses many theologians:

   

  

"There are always those who take it upon themselves to defend God, as if Ultimate Reality, as if the sustaining frame of existence, were something weak and helpless.  These people walk by a widow deformed by leprosy begging for a few paise, walk by children dressed in rags living in the street, and they think, "Business as usual." But if they perceive a slight against God, it is a different story.  Their faces go red, their chests heave mightily, they sputter angry words.  The degree of their indignation is astonishing.  Their resolve is frightening.
     These people fail to realize that it is on the inside that God must be defended, not on the outside.  They should direct their anger at themselves.  For evil in the open is but evil from within that has been let out.  The main battlefield for good is not the open ground of the public arena but the small clearing of each heart.  Meanwhile, the lot of widows and homeless children is very hard, and it is to their defense, not God's, that the self-righteous should rush."  

BEAUTIFUL!

When I come across words that are placed together so precisely and intentional goose bumps literally cover my flesh.  While I still haven’t gotten to the crying part in the novel, I absolutely recommend this book there are so many mind blowing sentences that read like poetic prose and the meaning so deep that it makes the ocean seem shallow. This book might just ruin me for sometime to come where picking up another novel won’t be easy, but perhaps the viewing of the film will be just as significant. 

"I'll be honest about it. It is not atheists who get stuck in my craw, but agnostics. Doubt is useful for a while. We must all pass through the garden of Gethsemane. If Christ played with doubt, so must we. If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if He burst out from the Cross, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' then surely we are also permitted doubt. But we must move on. To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation."

Happiness is Only Real When Shared

I used to love stories with unhappy endings because those stories really captured the sadness of everyday life.  There were no happy endings, life was a disappointment and art needed to reflect the reality of it.  That’s why I fell in love with The Catcher in The Rye and Holden’s dislike of phonies or why Into the Wild became my favorite movie for the longest time. I remember I was in the middle of a theatre watching the film and I deeply identified with Chris, he had been hurt and damaged by those he loved most and was terrified of creating deep, intimate relationships so he befriended strangers… His genuine journey to self-discovery matched mine- we were two kindred, broken hearts in love with the safety of loneliness and independence believing that one needs no human connections for sustenance.

In the winter of 2005 I went to my first spiritual retreat, I remember driving up to Big Bear creating an escape route in the event that brain washing was attempted.  The plan was to drive my car up there in case in the middle of the night (once everyone was asleep) I needed to make a quiet exit.  I remember the priest that organized the event kept referring to our retreat like the time Moses spent upon Mount Sinai with God.  Up on the mountain the crisp air, the silence and the spiritual direction began years to come of healing. I learned about the trio of forgiveness: forgiveness of others, forgiveness of God & forgiveness of self.

   

I never liked self-help books because I loved discovering the secrets to those tough questions in artistic form, where it would depend on me to find the answers by venturing on thrilling odysseys.  Characters in novels became my loyal companions and at times the only ones that understood me- it was easy to form relationships with these persons trapped in pages of books…  Sometimes hurt makes people shut-down to human relationships, and in turn creates beings unwaveringly self-absorbed so much so that that they begin to feel like no one understands them. While watching Into the Wild that first time in a small theatre- I was Alexander Supertramp and his thoughts, his hurts, his journey was my very own.  Like me, he began his journey despising “society” focusing on the act that everyone hurts each other.  But as Chris’ coming-of-age story comes to a close he arrives at the wisdom that, “when you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines on you.” 

Something snapped inside my brain and I remember distinctly feeling like God had spoken to me in understandable language and His words instantly transformed me.  Forgiveness sets you free! And it is through our relationships with other people that we experience the best times of our lives. Yes, those you love will severely hurt you – but we were created to be relational and to forgive…

"I have lived through much, and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbor—such is my idea of happiness. And then, on top of all that, you for a mate, and children perhaps—what can more the heart of man desire?"

Love Story Continued...

I have been taking scattered country line dancing lessons for a little while now, and I haven’t seen much progress (smile).  I know how to do extremely poorly  theElectric Slide, the Shuffle and the Wobble – that’s the extent of my learning thus far…  Last night my friend and I headed to Holy Spirit Church to evaluate the dance instructor that gives monthly lessons at their Parish (because my friend plans on hiring him to come to our church).  We of course participated in the country line dancing lessons that they were having, but as hard as I tried to get down the steps – I felt like a total failure!  I guess everyone feels like that when learning a new skill- even in spiritual matters things at times seem so overwhelming- even impossible.

Another Night of Partying.

After I made the decision to allow God into my life, I struggled for two years- leading a double life.  Every Sunday I would make it to church and on Wednesdays I even started attending a Bible Study, but on the weekend I was partying and getting drunk out-of-control-crazy!  My drinking got so bad that, I got kicked out of clubs, I passed out many times, I almost had sex with a stranger – on occasion my best friend even needed to help me zip up my pants when using the restroom.  My drinking binges would start Thursday and on Sunday I would show up to mass usually hung over.  All I wanted was for the intense pain inside me to go away, the more it hurt the more I drank.  At the bars that I accustomed, at the sight of me the waitress would bring me the whole bottle of Merlot and I was proud that she knew me so well.

Most things in Moderation are good, it's when they are abused that they become problematic.

There’s this great Jonny Cash song: 
    “I hurt myself today to see if I still feel I focus on the pain the only thing that’s real… Everyone I know goes away in the end…”  
I don’t know if you have ever felt so much pain that you no longer feel anything only a deep numbness that even at the funeral of your beloved you can’t cry or feel anything other than millions of miles away.  Void of sentiment you question whether you are capable of loving because there’s no emotional response in you to tragedy.  So, you hurt yourself to force yourself to feel…

Young, Wild & Free...

I had made a promise, so every Sunday I would wake up and go mass.  One Sunday, a man started strumming a song on his guitar during communion, “Te Doy Gracias Jesus…”  The lyrics and the tender strumming hit like an avalanche and tears just started falling down my cheeks accompanied by very loud sobs and emotions so intense  I cried for the rest of the liturgy.  Every Sunday after that no matter how hard I tried, I cried- but I wasn’t ready to be converted, I couldn’t reform my life it was too hard! A life of a saint, me – impossible! I would have to give way too much to gain an invisible God?! Nope not possible. (To be continued...)

33 before 34

I am one of those annoying people that celebrates her birthday all month long- when God told me to love myself I took it seriously!  A few days ago I was thinking about my big day and discovered that my birthday is a national event- I mean anywhere in the world on November 30^th it’s my birthday (smile).  Last year I started reading blogs and one day I came across the neatest idea.   It was a list of things you would like to accomplish in the span of a year - before your next birthday.  So, I created my first "32 before 33" list of goals to accomplish.  The list included a variety of items from very silly to really spiritual. Though, I was only able to complete about half of the items on the list, I really enjoyed the process of having some type of direction.  So here’s my list for this coming year to commence on my Feliz Cumpleaños:

33 before 34

1. Read Complete Bible
2. Take a Road Trip
3. Learn a new word a day
4. Learn a verse of scripture weekly
5.  Hang the Chinese lanterns in my backyard that I bought last year
6. Attend Mass Regularly
7. Attend Adoration 1X a week
8. Reach my goal weight
9. Drink more Water less Soda
10. Go Indoor Rock Climbing
11. Hike 1X per Month (Be more in Nature)
12. Take Dollar on creative walks
13. Run/Walk 5K with Dollar
14. Give Homeless person a Christmas present
15. Be more creative
16. Eat more Natural foods (less junk)
17. Read More Watch less Netflix
18.  Be in the lookout for new career opportunity
19.  Take a college course
20. Renew my teaching Credential
21. Wear All my shoes in a year
22. Start Dating
23. Learn to dance with a partner (allow myself to be led)
24. De-Clutter my life
25. Learn to make Christmas cookies
26. Write  Sarai monthly
27. Do 1 thing on my “Before I die” List
28. Take a lot of pictures with and of loved ones
29. Learn to use Sister’s sewing machine
30. Find a volunteer opportunity that involves animals
31. Take my nephew to the snow
32. Treat myself to an expensive Theatrical Performance
33. Hopefully meet my husband… (this lies totally on God’s will)

If you decide to create your own list, I'd love to know how it goes (wink).

Love Story

I met a guy when I was nineteen who talked about Jesus as if Jesus was his best friend even more deranged as if Jesus was alive!  This guy was super cute, sweet & smart- but above all he was a young man of faith.  How he managed to win my agnostic heart I will never know.  We were both immigrants - he was from Romania and his culture was very similar to mine and he treated me with the utmost respect.  Due to some things in my past, I was very suspicious of men, but his patience and acceptance helped me trust him.  I will never forget how he calmly waited two months until I was ready to hold hands, any physical demonstration of our love took a long time to come about, but he waited patiently.  On dates his reaction to things always surprised me, if we had a rude waiter or if we weren’t seated quickly he didn’t let it affect him – I’d be fuming and he would just squeeze my hand and smile. He was the son of a pastor and had grown up with God very present in his life. God to him was like air or water to any human being.  He was my first love- looking back the things I most loved about him all pointed towards God.

 

How He Loves Us, My favorite Worship Song Right Now

Needless to say after six years of my first love trying to convert me, he finally gave up and left me with the following words to ponder, “Penny, I can’t marry someone who won’t be in heaven with me when we both die.”  Imagine the surprise he will feel when we both meet up there Hahaha I haven’t seen him since, but my past belongs to the past and he’s my past…  There’s this great song by Guatemalan poet, Ricardo Arjona, that states something to the effect that our past relationships are our schooling and the one we marry is our graduation (smile). 

I love this one too!

The thing is that all of my existence God has been searching for me just as He is searching for you.  There are times when glancing back at my life I see instances so evident of God trying to get my attention.  And while people will give up on you, He never will. My first love thought it was his job to convert me—but that is so erroneous!  Conversion belongs to God and no one else (smile).

My prayer, "Here's my heart Lord."

I remember the first moment that I acknowledged that I needed God- November sixteenth 2004, the day my brother died.  But I cannot pin-point the moment that I fell head-over-heels in love with Him because like any relationship it was gradual.  I would be pumping gas and my mind would be thinking of Him or I would be stuck in traffic and I would engage Him in conversation.  I stalked Him by reading countless books about Him or going to the true source (the Bible).  My thoughts were about Him and Him alone… Today, Jesus is my best friend and I need God like I need air or water.  My hope is that my future spouse will be attracted to God in me as I in him(smile).   

Do Not Be Afraid

On Saturday, our parish took a group of teens to the Life Teen annual event Inspiration at Six Flags – I was one of the chaperones.  After riding on terrifying roller coasters during the day, in the evening over two-thousand Catholic Teens gathered at the Golden Bear Theatre for a youth rally with inspirational speakers, worship music, Holy Mass & Eucharistic Adoration.  Archbishop Gomez of the Diocese of Los Angeles gave the homily and brought from Rome a special blessing for all of us from none other than our beloved Pope Francis! 

Waiting for Apocalypse...

Waiting for Viper...

I mentioned last week that God is a God of surprises because every time I volunteer He awakens and nourishes my soul filling me with His everlasting Spirit- showing me again and again that His generosity is unsurpassed!  To be present in the middle of a crowd of hundreds of youths rocking out to Jesus songs, reverently worshiping Him in the Eucharist and lost in prayer in the presence of our Savior was truly magnificent! And yes I let the tears flow because that’s the gift God has given me.  Every time I am in His presence, praying through music, I am moved beyond my usual emotions – and this overwhelming sensation overpowers me and releasing tears gives me great peace (smile).

The Thrill Seekers Group Shot!

"Whoa, hear the sound from heaven!
Whoa, a mighty rushing wind!
Whoa, we're calling for revival!
God let Your fire fall again,
It's burning in my soul"

"God is a God of Surprises!"

Do not be afraid.

Sometimes working with teenagers can be terrifying, but to help guide them towards God and see their daily progress is priceless.           

Half of our group.

"I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine"

Hallows Eve Recap

Costumes courtesy of Goodwill.

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players…" Another successful Diva Day has come to pass.  Yesterday, I transformed myself into the Queen of the Nile, Cleopatra, for the day – but I am still sick, so I didn’t feel very silly and one cannot be in costume without silliness, so I actually felt awkward all day… But I persevered.  At work we had our annual costume contest, along with potlucks and a lot of laughter.  Then, I joined my comadre & her family to go trick-or-treating, I actually just went to walk my turtle Dollar and like always he was hit.  In my neighborhood some houses set aside some dog treats for him knowing that he gets walked in costume every Hallows Eve (smile).  Then it was time to evangelize with “Jesus Loves You” candy while watching, “It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.”  My nephew usually does all the evangelizing since he loves being in charge of handing out the candy, and my usually quiet dog helps by barking while strange goblins come to the door. 

Did you know there's a Saint Cleopatra?

I know as Catholics we are not supposed to celebrate Halloween - the first years after my conversion I stopped dressing up, but I was miserable! Here are my thoughts on it today –every day Jesus should be the star especially on a day where the majority leave Him out. Two, Christianize the holiday so that God’s love reaches all. Three, I am a work in progress and perhaps I have not been completely converted in the Halloween area. Finally, how I celebrate this day today brings honor to my Lord and I have no guilt over it- it makes me happy and I know mi Papi in Heaven understands (on more serious issues I don’t question His authority) and every year He gives me more ideas on how to convert Halloween into a Jesus Day (smile).

Yeehaw!

Now, today is All Saints’ Day don’t forget to get to mass it's a day of obligation.  My old parish (Saint Barbara in Santa Ana) invited me to come over and I extend the invitation.  Today, after the 7PM mass they are having a saint’s parade so get your saint costume ready! Father is giving a brief catechesis on the festivity (he’s a great speaker, he was ordained by Pope John Paul II) (wink).       

Love is a Verb

I recently read an article that stated that Americans spend over four hours a day watching television and another five in electronic activities (phones, tablets, internet, etc.).  I don’t own a TV, but on days when I have no energy I am guilty of watching Netflix for hours on my laptop.  Yet, no amount of TV watching will give me the high that volunteer work does.  I started volunteering at Saint Francis Senior Home back when a priest opened my eyes to the therapeutic benefits of volunteer work.  For over a year, I coordinated events for the senior home even my dog became a service dog!  He would go and perform for them or just dazzled the ladies in crazy holiday outfits his momma made him wear (smile).  The ladies at the senior center loved him so much that if I went without him, they would make me go back home and get him and he loved the attention. It was a win-win: he would wear them out and they would wear him out (smile).

 Carnival Day at Senior Home Dollar the Clown

I hand made this outfit!

Christmas wouldn't be complete without Santa Dog!

Then I worked for three years as the secretary of the Hispanic Council for Saint Barbara Parish.  This position helped me learn about how a parish is run and gave me a greater appreciation for our priests- they seriously do too much!  I enjoyed my time serving at the parish (even though I hate meetings and we had quite a few of those) we brought a lot of positive change to the community.  In between all this I also helped a grassroots effort to feed homeless that linger outside the Santa Ana Court House and ministered to women and children in a shelter in Tijuana, Mexico.  With Jovenes Para Cristo I also helped in the prayer ministry during various adult retreats. 

 After praying continually for three days for our retreat candidates, tired but happy!

Servants of God, Group Shot!

Currently, I began helping out with the Confirmation program at my parish.  On Saturday, I served at my first adolescent retreat and the thing about God is that usually one will sign up thinking, “I am going to go give it my all for Christ,” only to figure at the end of the evening that what one receives is much greater than any of one’s efforts offered.  I left the retreat with a cold, but my spiritually was rejuvenated and my spirit is still dancing in the aftermath.  To see fourteen-year-olds having their first encounter with God, to see the transformation that took place in the space of a few hours – these kids arrived with an indifferent spirit towards God and by the end something in their reflection changed, they couldn’t put it to words, but I saw it in their relax, joyful attitude.  My little small group did a 180 from the moment they arrived to the moment they went home. Wow, God is good!

 Having a delicious pasta dinner that our deacon prepared for us! 

Confirmation Year One Students & Leaders!

I lead a busy life, almost every night I’m either serving in a ministry or am getting formed in a study.  And I never have been happier!  I think part of the secret to happiness is loving your brother as yourself and love is a verb so put it to action!  

Fall Fest

Two saints at the craft table

If you can’t beat them - join them… Part of the allure of Halloween is dressing up and getting lots of candy; thus, in recent years some Christian churches have started having fall events at their parishes that incorporate costumes and candy.  For example, at my home parish we have what we call “Fall Fest Celebration.” For this event we ask the children (and adults) to dress up as their favorite saint.  This is an opportunity for families to do some research on saints and to celebrate their Catholic Heritage by wearing a costume.



Saint Helena

It’s an event that my nephew and I started participating just last year.  Usually he will come up with a costume and then we look to see if there’s a patron saint for it.  For example, last year he was a police officer so we found in our research that Saint Michael the Archangel is the defender of Israel and the leader of angels and therefore the patron saint for police officers.  This year, he’s a Disney pirate so we found out that Saint Nicolas the Wonderworker is the patron saint of sailors he also happens to be Santa Claus which my nephew found rather amusing.  I decided to join in the fun and became Saint Helena of Constantinople for the night.

Prehistoric Pets

Prince Charming Bull Frog

Giant Tortoise

The festivity was loads of fun!  We had a show from Prehistoric Pets with all types of creepy crawlers like snakes, lizards and more cold-blooded creatures! We also got see many saints walking around even though my pictures didn't capture them. Then the kids got to go to various stations and play games or sit at tables and do crafts.  Snacks and beverages were served and my nephew got a lot of candy throughout the night.  It was a spectacular night – even though I am suffering from a terrible cold- we got to bond and he gets to see how our faith is such a neat celebration year round!

 Saint Nicolas the Wondererworker Carrying the Python

Babies, Babies, Babies

This is a good size, they are no longer breakable in my opinion.

Recently I read an article about a widespread fear many women currently are suffering from: BABIES!  Now while many people might find this humorous, I mean seriously, how could people (especially women) be afraid of babies, as a recovering (yet not fully recovered) baby scaredy cat I must share my story…  One there’s the tiny factor - they are just too darn small!  I mean seriously how parents handle those fragile little critters is just astonishing.  I have nine nieces and nephews (8 thru friendship) and at each after birth hospital visit I get the worst case of nerves.  As the parents proudly hand over their creations to Tia Penny I get super tense and my mind repeats the same phrase continuously, “do not drop or break the baby!”  I am one that if need be I do confront my fears, thus, I came up with a fail-proof baby holding process: one sit down, two boppy pillow goes around my tummy, three parent hands over baby, four don’t move (smile).

My Goddaughter.

Yesterday, something marvelous happened!  My close friend had her first baby boy (on Wednesday) and I went to visit her at the hospital and she of course wanted to share her little miracle (I followed the steps to the baby holding process), but then she asked me to help her feed and burp him and guess what?! Her soothing voice and calming confidence helped me be more relaxed with her infant I even ventured out and talked to him! By and by I am becoming a natural. (SMILE) 

Boppy Pillows are awesome.

I am just so amazed how mothers change forever the moment they hold their babies an instinctual change happens and they become fearless protectors.  The wimpiest woman becomes the most courageous mother!

I have quite an impact on the little ones, I smile while he cries LOL!

I am really tense here!

Here’s a secret, when I adopted my doggie I purchased many dog training books and I apply some of the techniques that Dog Training for Dummies taught me with children.  I mean seriously raising a child requires similar skills to training a dog (no offense meant here). Both require you to be nice always even if they pee on the furniture, getting in the habit of giving commands creates a good balance, using their name for training minimizes confusion and teaches them their actual name, consistency in your actions and expectations helps built their self-esteem, socialize him/her is crucial, reward & praise correct behaviors...  I put a lot of these strategies to use when I taught preschool and several times I caught myself saying to the children, “good boy.” (smile)

I like to stand on the side while someone else holds the newborn.

In a perfect world, children would be born at the age of two when they are walking and starting to talk and hopefully potty trained!  But these are the views of someone who has never been pregnant nor held a baby that was of my own being.  I imagine that if I ever have biological children I will read actual baby books and learn skills that are meant for children in their developmental stages and my thoughts will mature on the subject.  But for now, I am proud of my slow progress and thankful for the trust that my friends and family have bestowed – though after reading this they might change their minds about Tia Penny (wink).    

 Looking good aunties for the second time this past year.

 Wednesday's newest addition

 This is a good size I think!