What to Expect From a Women’s Silent Retreat

I am back from my much needed weekend retreat.  When I signed up for it a few months ago I didn’t know that it would come during a time of personal dryness and challenges.  This is my second retreat at Sacred Heart Retreat House in Alhambra and it continues to be such a special weekend getaway.  Some retreats come with a sense of surprise so the schedule is not made known to the participants and after the retreat is over we are made to promise to keep details private as not to ruin the experience for new retreatants.  This retreat doesn’t follow either rules, when we arrive we are given a schedule of the entire stay and we can divulge as much information about it with others as we like.  So, what does a women’s silent retreat look like?

1) Silence and a restful atmosphere to better hear God's voice.

2) Conferences given by a priest that usually go with the theme of the weekend.

3) Various opportunities for the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

4) Time for personal prayer.  I love spending time in the various gardens writing, coloring or just quietly listening to nature around me.

 Taking a walk while praying the rosary.

Coloring some scriptural postcards to later send my friends.

5) Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament.  Getting to spend time with Jesus!

6) Delicious home cooked meals. 

 7) Time to study or relax.  Beyond the gardens the library was my favorite place.

8) Daily Mass.

9) Plenty of free time to relax and take it slow.

 Enjoying the beauty around me.

10) Renewal.

My weekend was spent with the Carmelites.  Carmel means "Garden of God."  Our soul is that plot and we must constantly care and work on it to produce good fruits.  At the conclusion of the retreat I was given a rose to take with me a piece of Carmel, but beyond the tangible flower my soul was bursting filled with Him.  Though I have been to various types of retreats, at this stage in my life I really enjoy the silent retreats the best because of the freedom to just be alone with God at my own pace.  Some retreats can be so full of activity and the sisters at Sacred Heart really helps us relax and rest, to become so quiet that God's voice becomes audible. The mission is to promote a deeper spiritual life among God’s people and the way they so carefully arrange our stay really invites us to grow.  Retreat Info: Sacred Heart Retreat House

How to Prepare for a Retreat.

Every year I like to take a weekend retreat to nourish my faith and spend some one-on-one time with God.  During the years since I came back to the Catholic Church I have attended various types of retreats.  Some were coed, others were young adult retreats, there was the Cursillo, the one in a monastery, the one in big bear, local ones, formation ones, women only, and the one that I am repeating this year the women’s silence retreat.  I am very fortunate that the Catholic Church has such an array of retreats available throughout the diocese year round.  Thus, I thought today I would share how I prepare for a retreat.

Desire Your Retreat- Look forward to your weekend getaway, see it as a blessing in your life.  I know that for busy people it’s hard to think of leaving everything behind for a weekend, but things will still be there upon your return.  I like to think of retreats as my moment with God on Mount Sinai, where I go seeking Him knowing I will find Him.  

Take Comfortable Clothes- Check your weather forecast and take clothes that will accommodate the temperatures.  Dress simple so all your attention is on God.

Be on time- try to make arrangements so that you start your retreat on time.  Some offer bus services so that you don't have to worry about driving- I suggest you take the offer.  Starting with a calm spirit makes it easier to focus on God. 

Prepare for Prayer- I always like to take a journal to write my thoughts and take notes on the topics that are given.  Since I like to doodle, I also take color pencils.  Other great things to take are a rosary, prayer booklets and a religious book.  I usually take one on the life of a saint, so that during the weekend I can have a holy companion and intercessor.

Take Prayer Intentions- Before I go I ask my friends and loved ones if there’s anything that I can pray for them during my retreat.  I make a list and during the retreat I bring their intentions to God.

Seek Solitude and Silence- The weekend away from your world and responsibilities is a time to spend quieting your mind and heart so that you can hear God speak to you.  After you receive the schedule of the retreat, plan a moment(s) to just be alone with God.  Some like to spend extra time in chapel – I usually love spending time outdoors in the gardens and at night admiring the star lit sky.

Make room for the gifts God wants to give you- Before the retreat go to confession or during the retreat try to make a confession as soon as they are made available.  The Sacraments are very healing- and I find that starting with a clean heart makes my disposition for receiving heavenly gifts more accepting.

Realistic Expectations- Expect for your faith to grow and to have moments that inspire and motivate your conversion.  Strive to come away deeply aware of how God is working in your life and His desire to be more involved in it.  Do not expect great emotional encounters- though they might happen, God speaks in many other ways.

Am excited for my weekend, it’s my birthday gift to myself this year.  If you have any prayer intentions am taking them down all week (smile).  

Nube Viajera

My favorite picture of him.

The thing about faith is that it’s personal.  It’s a relationship.  The greatest commandment is to love God and your neighbor as yourself, making it a three part rule: love God, your neighbor and yourself.  Thus, faith depends on relationship.  In fact, how I came to make-up my agnostic mind was because of a relationship and not principles or arguments.  Love just has a funny way of influencing each heart and today, forty-eight-years-ago, a soul was born who would bring me to Christ.  He wasn’t preachy or annoyingly apologetic- he just lived his faith.  Even though we shared twenty-four years of life side-by-side his was a much harder journey.  As my heart harden, his continued to hope, to find reasons to smile and his joy was infectious.  Maybe that’s why he was my favorite person because he was braver than I, he just wouldn’t let his wounds kill his esperanza.  No matter the strength of his suffering he refused to sulk.  Months before he passed he told me to give God a chance.  I didn’t know then that the difference between me and him was God.  That while my suffering pushed me away from religion, his hurt drove him deeper towards God.  

Our last picture of him, a few months before he left us.

Thirteen years ago this month, God called him home and I was left hanging on to the bits of him that I could.  Those bits contained so much love that they led me to God himself.  My brother-in-heaven became the guide and honoring his memory in addition to wanting to meet him in heaven is what penetrated this hard heart.  He was my pivotal player and today, on his earthly birthday I want you all to meet my most amazing-best-friend-forever-big brother.  All four of us were given pet names by my parents his was Nolo, so that’s what I will call him on here.  Since today he would be turning forty-eight, here are ocho facts about him!

1) He was born on El Dia de los Muertos and he wasn't a huge fan, he would rather have been born on Valentine's day.

2) He loved his blue Classic Converse Chucks.

3) He was a shepherd who herded our sheep in pastures of the beautiful Michocan forests during his childhood.

He's the one with the Birkenstocks next to the boom box.

4) He loved music, in the eighties he was one of those who carried a boom box on his shoulder. 

5) His favorite book was Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men.

6) He was the best listener - he not only heard what was being said he understood all that went unsaid.

He's the one on the end with the high-top sneakers.

7) His regret was not having the courage to pursue the girl's that he liked.

In the black suit.

8) He loved our culture and introduced me to all the classic Mexican artists.  He loved our religiosity and passed his love down to me.

He was my sidekick.  I remember we were at Party City once and two guys from school saw me with him.  They acted really weird until I shared that he was my older brother, both were like "we thought he was your boyfriend."  We were always together even if we didn't always see eye to eye on things.  Maybe, I tire you with mentions of him on here, but love never dies.  It's been thirteen years, but some days it feels like it was yesterday.  Today we will visit the cemetery to place flowers on his grave and to thank God for allowing us to have him for thirty-four years.  And to hope of meeting him again soon, until then "I carry his heart (I carry it in mine)." 

Keep God in Halloween

Throughout the years I have created a few traditions that we follow as a way to make Halloween a little Christian.  This weekend my nephew and I spent moments of fun getting ready for my former favorite holiday.  As a child we were dirt poor in addition we didn’t have a car, so going places or spending money on non-essentials just didn’t happen.  Thus, getting to make up for it via my nephew makes the little child in me dance with happiness.  We started Friday afternoon, by spending sometime at our local pumpkin patch choosing the best pumpkin for our gospel carving activity.

"The Pumpkin Gospel"

 It's all about Harry Potter this year!

As I have shared before, there’s this great little book that uses the process of carving a jack-o-lantern to talk about how God works in us.  It’s called the “The Pumpkin Gospel.”  The short glow-in-the-dark book is one that I have used every year.  My nephew and I read it before we begin our creative process.  I refer to it as the pumpkin carving instructions because it goes step by step of the carving a pumpkin process giving each step a spiritual meaning.  The pumpkin goes through a sort of allegorical conversion from pumpkin to happy jack-o-lantern with God’s light shining thru. 

Then we tag our candy with stickers I usually purchase at my local Christian Store.  Stickers that have a smiley face with the words, “Smile, God loves you!” Tagging each of our two-hundred mini candy bars is always a fun process.  This year my nephew’s little friend came over and asked why we tagged our candy and I told her so that everyone knows that God loves them.  At which she said, “you know not everyone believes in God,” and we had a good discussion on the subject…  I’ve also heard some people will have saint cards to give along with the candy.  The goal is to evangelize (smile).

We also attend our parish’s Fall Fest- in which my nephew and I dress as saints and participate in the fun activities.  This year I was preoccupied with celebrating my brother-in-heaven’s memorial mass- that I completely forgot about Fall Fest!  Sunday morning after a stroll in the park, giving the lecture at RCIA class, making sure I got everyone to church for the memorial mass, then spending sometime at the cemetery – the Fall Fest slipped out of my mind.  This year my nephew and I were both going to be patron saints of the impossible: he, Saint Jude Thaddeus and I, Saint Rita.  In all the activity we all forgot.

Halloween is a day we dedicate to celebrating fear.  There’s fun in getting spooked as long as we know that it’s pretend.  Nevertheless, life gives us scarier scares and it’s great to know that we have God to guard us during the real terrifying moments.  Thus, keeping God in Halloween should always be the objective- just like we want Him in our lives everyday. Have a Happy Halloween!    

Halloween: St. Rita of Cascia Costume

I love Halloween!  It used to be my favorite holiday because of the costumes.  Why dream of being a princess when you can make it happen - even if it’s just for a day.  After a rough beginning (when I returned to the Catholic faith) Halloween continues to be a day that inspires my creativity.  As a revert, initially I was only going to be a “little” Catholic because I felt like the religious life meant “No” to most fun. In fact, the first challenge I faced was the opposition to my favorite holiday by the young adult group that I belonged to.  Every year they devoted a session to “Say NO to Halloween!”  I, of course, thought what lunacy.  While I have come to understand the arguments that some Christians have against Halloween, today I employ my creativity beyond the costume making to the way I celebrate the day itself.  In past posts I’ve mentioned how I tag all my candy with “Jesus, loves you stickers” so that during the one night a year that tons of people come so willingly to my door they will leave with treat in hand and a message of love.  October thirty-first is the day that I evangelize the masses of trick-or-treaters!  Instead of turning off my porch light and saying no, I use the opportunity to share God in a very casual way.  In the years, since I started doing this I have never gotten a single complaint and my nephew and I enjoy having a moment together stamping our candy with a faith filled message.

I also choose a saint to study during the October month and then pay tribute by dressing up as her for the festivity.  It's also a way of evangelizing others, when people ask me who I am dressed as I can share a little about the saint.  One of the women in my Franciscan Fraternity saw me for the first time and she was like "hey, you're Saint Helena" (she was referring to the costume I wore a few years back).  This year, I was cruising through Savers when I noticed that a complete costume of a nun was on sale for $4.99, score!  I found the classic black habit so then I started a Google search for nun saints that wore black habits and after some perusing I came across Saint Rita of Cassia.  She attracted me because, like Saint Jude Thaddeus she is the saint of the impossible.  I found a book on PDF that told her biography and after I got the news that I was being laid off, I devoured the work in just one sitting.  God has the most amazing sense of humor and proper timing because my saint selection this year couldn’t have been a more suitable life to study. 

From a young age Saint Rita desired to be a nun, but being the only child her parents wanted her to marry.  Obedient to their will she married a man they selected for her, he turned out cruel and abusive.  Yet, she remained faithful baring two sons who she loved deeply.  She constantly prayed for the conversion of her husband and after almost eighteen years she won him over with patience and kindness.  However, he got caught up in wrong circles and was assassinated.  His death provoked her two sons to seek revenge.  Unable to persuade her sons to forgive, prayer became her only hope.  Afraid of eternal damnation for her sons she asked God to intervene; to change her son’s hearts or to take them before they killed anyone.  Within a year both of her children passed away in a state of grace forgiving their father's murderer. Without any family left, she decided to dedicate the rest of her life to God.  She wanted to enter the convent, but she was turned away.  Facing another crushing disappointment she turned to prayer and God gave her the perseverance to try again until she was accepted at the convent.  Though her life was painfully challenging she found refuge in prayer uniting her sufferings to Christ.  One day during prayer in front of a crucifix she received a physical wound on her forehead, a mystical and visible mark of Jesus’ wound from the crown of thorns.  She is also one of the incorruptible saints, her body is venerated at a basilica in Italy.

Walking with her this month, has been a delight because I know that God sent her my way to encourage and to show me that prayer moves mountains! And to remind me that even in difficult times God is with me and He longs to share my suffering.  Why waste a day trying to keep evil out, when instead we can deposit good and use the occasion to evangelize others and ourselves!    

“Prayer to St. Rita of Cascia”

“O holy protectress of those who are in utmost need,
shining as a star of hope in the midst of darkness,
in patience and fortitude as the patriarch Job,
scourge of devils, health of the sick,
deliverer of those in extreme need,
admiration of saints and model of all states!

“With confident trust, and firmly united to the adorable will of my God,
through the merits of my only Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,
and in particular of that painful crown of thorns
which with a tender devotion thou didst daily contemplate;
through the merits of the most sweet Virgin Mary
and thine own excellent graces and virtues,
I implore thee with my whole heart and soul, to obtain my earnest petition,
provided it be for the greater glory of God and my salvation.”

How Should a Catholic Woman Dress?

These past few years I feel like I lost my style mojo.  I live in leggings, comfortable tunics and flats.  Am not sure when I no longer cared if I left my house without an ounce of make-up and my hair up in a messy bun.  My former twenty-something fashionista self would be terribly disappointed in me.  I’m in a rut and I accept it.  At first it was the result of the spiritual change that was taking place inside me.  I wanted to tame my vanity – so I started focusing less and less on my appearance.  During this period of physical detoxification, I contemplated a secret vocational desire; meaning that I was privately discerning religious life and I wanted to strip myself of the world.  So, my daily getting ready ritual went out the window in an attempt to live more humbly.  Slowly, I realized that perhaps religious life wasn’t for me, but I liked the freedom that I had found in not always having to be dressed to the nines.  Another change simultaneously took place, I started gaining weight and though I see quite fashionably plus-size women I feel like I haven’t learned how to dress for my body type.  In addition, this whole notion of modesty slowly hit my radar and instead of coming out victoriously into a better version of me – I feel like I went to the other extreme: frumpy. 

How should a Catholic woman dress? 

I am still figuring out how to answer that question.  I don’t like matronly dresses or clothes that look like I stepped out of an Amish community.  At first, I tried to imitate other church women.  I figured that would be a proper place to start, but I’ve never been one to copy.  I often read in style magazines that your style sends a message of who you are, though many might disagree I believe what we wear matters.  A professor in university always wore a tie and he explained how just by dressing formally his students respected him more based on years of dressing casually.  A journalist decided to blog about how people reacted to him wearing police, fire fighter and military uniforms - he was so bold to even try a priest’s cassock for a day! His findings were that people generally responded with great courtesy, respect and admiration for people in uniform.  His conclusion: what we wear matters.  

These past few weeks have been a period where I have been forced to examine things in my life.  I've been looking for a new job and wondering where I am going to land, what the next phase in my career will be?  With this wave of looking ahead, of making plans – I realize that there’s other areas that I would like to change in my life, other goals that need to be made.  One is finding balance between my vanity and my frumpy- to come to a middle ground where casual doesn’t translate to unkempt.  I know part of my style struggle has to do with my weight gain.  I don’t feel my best at this size and it’s really hard because instead of fighting I feel like I have thrown in the towel.  Sometimes it seems like giving up is easy, but living with the daily feelings of disappointment is really not.  Usually battles that need to be fought are never easy and most of us give up before facing the fight, or we go to battle, lose and resign our hopes.  BUT – pulling from my mother’s favorite aphorisms, “todo cuesta, everything has a price.”  Things that are worth it are never easy. 

There’s a standard of modesty that goes with answering how a Catholic woman should dress, but in the answer there’s room for individuality for your quirkiness to peak through.  Answering that question, requires a unique personal response one that usually digs into who we are and the light we want to shine thru.  One that takes us into a journey that battles the dragons that oppress and jail us in prisons of insecurity.  God sets us free, but we need to want to be free.  I have tried losing weight many times and I just don’t make any progress, but I realize that my daily appearance shows my defeat.  There’s a difference in a humble exterior and one where the person has given up entirely and I feel like I am becoming the latter.  My heels, jewelry and pretty clothes are gathering dust in my closet because I have lost confidence in myself and not because I have become more spiritual.  Thinking of working in a different environment where I no longer can come in as casually as I do every day pushes me to revive my style.  While, it’s uncomfortable to see weaknesses that cannot be fixed in one day, but require effort and some time– I know that with perseverance the victory will come.  Maybe I am too intense and can never take at a question from a superficial eye, but I want all of me to be "real" from the deepest roots of my soul to the surfaces of my body. 

Finding Hope in the Words of Saint Therese

Hurry and heal black eye, so that you look good with your Halloween outfit. :)

We all need a bit of encouragment every now and then, this morning I found much in the words of Saint Therese of Lisieux.  She happens to be my favorite female saint, while some people think that having favorites is not a good practice- I disagree.  Just like we bond with certain people more than we do with others, I believe it’s the same with our holy intercessors.  Saint Therese is my BFF and anytime I am running low on fuel, or need help I seek her confidance.  Her simple, poetic language always revives me with hope.  The following quotes were written in my journal a few years ago, when I attended a women’s retreat.  This morning I was flipping through the journal looking for something to inspire me and I knew I had to share these three quotes!

“What offends Him and what wounds His heart is the lack of confidence...  It is confidence, and confidence alone, that must lead us to love…”

It’s hard to trust another, even if the other is God.  Maybe that’s why throughout the bible He gives us example after example of trusting in Him.  Many of our ancestors failed miserably, which I find so comforting because God loved them even when they were unsuccessful.  We also are given two great examples (Jesus and Mary) of the blind faith that led their lives.  I find hope in both- in Jesus and Mary I have my aim, but in those who were weak I gather courage knowing that God loves me even when my confidence is lacking.

“Your heart is made to love Jesus, to love Him passionately; pray so that the beautiful years of your life may not pass by in chimerical fears…”

These past few days of uncertainty I have found great strength in God and His promises.  Yet, it’s easy to lose sight and focus on the fears.  Especially, for me who likes routine and these past weeks have at times pushed my mind into “the what if” territory.  Teaching my mind to focus on God and hope with great confidence in Him, can at times be challenged by fears of the unknown.  Just this morning I had to give myself a cheerful pep talk because my thoughts were drifting into future fears.  I had to refocus on God and send those fears a flying!  That’s why I love the quote above because it’s our choice as to what gets replayed in our mind throughout the day- what better rest than love all day long (smile).

“Every day is made up of hundreds of little moments that are opportunities to love God… We have only the short moments of our life to love Jesus.”

Once our mind is immersed in God, then our actions are those of love.  Our view is no longer centered around me, but on how I can love God through the service of those in greater need than I.  It goes back to trust, if I place my trust in God then I am freed to love others because my worries are obliterated the moment I place my confidence in Him (smile).  Thank you Saint Therese! 

FYI Post timings and days might change during this period of transition. 

Life Lately: My Dollar

The day I brought him home.

Over the weekend Dollar developed a marble size bump below his eye.  At my touch I didn’t notice any pain, but since it appeared from one day to the next and made one of his eyes appear smaller I made an appointment for him yesterday afternoon.  His vet told me that it was a tooth abscess which probably meant that he had a cavity or a broken tooth.  In order to get a clear diagnosis Dollar needed to be sedated and remain at the vet all afternoon.  Now, I am not sure who has worst separation anxiety me or him.  He’s fourteen and I was traumatized when a friend took her senior dog to the vet and the dog became so agitated it had a heart attack at the animal hospital.  Thus, I always try to be with him away from home, but yesterday I had to leave him there and trust that he was in great hands.  An hour later the vet called me and told me that Dollar’s teeth were ok, that it was actually a lesion inside his mouth that got infected.  She drained the abscess and said I could pick him up after a period of two hours of observation.  I was elated that my prayers had been answered and that things were not as serious as the vet had initially thought.  So, I expected to pick him up and be able to go to class.

Our First Halloween! Fairy & her dragon.

However, when I put him in the car he started whimpering, this awful crying sound which didn’t go away for two hours after he was home.  I later learned that the noise was a side-effect of the sedation usually related with the trauma and separation anxiety.  He finally relaxed a bit, but didn’t have complete mobility.  His hind legs were jelly.  I tried feeding him and giving him liquids, but not even his most favorite treats worked.  I was unable to give him the antibiotics or pain medication and I felt like such a failure all night.  Luckily he was able to sleep through some of the night while I laid awake vigilant laying my hands over him in prayer.  He loves it when I pray over him.  Usually, when he’s having a bad dream I just lay my hands on him and the nightmare evaporates into thin air.  This morning, he has full mobility (though he’s still a bit wobbly) and I finally got him to eat, drink, and take his meds! Praise God and Saint Francis our intercessor! 

His first t-shirt after a long walk.

We have been through a lot my Dollar and me, and though our years are getting shorter he’s my baby.  At the moment he’s curled at my feet in his bed, but let’s look back…   

 At the preschool parade, my students loved him!

His first bed.

His first Christmas!

Our first Christmas!

 Before show and tell at the preschool I used to teach at.

 Our first Christmas after my brother passed away.

 His first sweater.

The first picture at our new home.

Forever my pumpkin!

We've both grown and changed so much, but it's been the greatest adventure since day one...