Better Times Ahead

I think during the pandemic I have struggled quite a bit and I am sure you have noticed because I haven’t been writing like usual.  I put so much energy in getting the “must do’s” out of the way that creatively I have suffered.  I also tried to switch medications during this time because Seroquel causes weight gain and I thought I was stable enough to try something with less damaging side effects. The new drug that I tried gave me a great sense of restlessness and after a couple months of trying to see if these feelings would diminished – I returned to my regular meds. 

During this pandemic I have seen many people thrive creatively because at home restrictions have given people the time to do things.  Me? I, am just surviving.  Yet, I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I guess for people like me whose quality time is her strongest love language, not being able to see others really messed me up.  However, I am beginning to see more loved ones and to have great conversations and moments that nurture my soul.  My weekly bible study is back in session, my Franciscan group just started meeting in person, there’s more events around my faith that I can start attending and I am back to seeing my faith sisters.  These moments of interaction have been so needed, so healing.  Even so, I still feel quite insecure, but I know that each day I find a little more balance in my life.

In my work, I see a lot of kids with mental disabilities and they are really struggling right now.  Even my coworkers most who don’t have mental illnesses are hurting and I thank God that even though I am bipolar that I am still able to function and help others.  I told one of my kids who has developed quite an attachment to me, that I would be out on Monday because I was going to see a comedian a bit away from my home.  And he was like, “If you are watching the comedian during the weekend why won’t you be here on Monday?”  I laughed and told him I needed a mental day to just relax so that I can be a better teacher.  Last time I was out, he freaked out with the substitute so he appreciated me telling him in advanced.  Being bipolar has given me a better understanding for working with teens with similar issues and lots of patience during this unusual time in education.