I know that I have been a little negligent of my blog- I’ve
had so many things on my mind because my family has been going through some
trials. Things that I cannot divulge
without violating their right to confidentiality, but it seems like we are
pulling through. During this time, I
have leaned on Saint Therese of Lisieux because she suffered quietly and gladly
offering it all to God. I have also
asked for help, something that doesn’t come natural to me. Yet, sometimes an outside voice can be heard
when mine doesn’t resonate. This has
been the case in helping my brother. I
reached to our Jovenes Para Cristo community and they have helped him in ways
that my family wasn’t able to. Through
this I have learned the importance of community in our faith journey, our
brothers and sisters really do encourage our walk with the Lord- they can help
us get back in the path when we’ve gone astray.
I couldn’t believe how quickly my community rose to the challenge of
helping us, how gladly they offered to pray and to reach out. This experience made it evident to me that
when God said our faith is communal, He meant it as a gift to us. For where two or more gather in His name
miracles will occur!
I have also been experiencing some interior battles mainly
dealing with disappointment. Saint
Therese wanted to travel to go on missions throughout the world sharing her
faith with others, that was her great dream.
Due to health reasons she was confined to her bed and never left her
native France, nevertheless instead of complaining or feeling defeated from her
sick bed she prayed fervently for missionaries.
Her dream never came to fruition, but she turned her disappointment into
prayer and sacrifice. I have applied to several
schools and had unsuccessful interviews – I have felt like a failure like I
might never make it to teaching again- I have felt my dream been hit like a
pinata from all angles. Though I am
doing very well financially with my eBay business, I feel incomplete without a
normal job. Though I am running an eBay
store on a full-time basis the fact that it’s not your typical nine to five makes
me wonder what people will say. I wonder
if people think that because I am unemployed, I am this lazy person that sits
and vegetates on the couch all day. Yet,
I am earning the same amount that I was making when I was previously employed
on my sales. I think that I focus so
much on what others will think of me that I don’t allow this disappointment to
turn into a prayer of sacrifice.
Sometimes, I forget that not having rosy feelings all the
time is ok, again I am afraid that people will question my faith based on the
fact that I am not experiencing consolation.
Yet, many of the saints went through periods of dryness of not feeling
God’s presence. Saint Therese did not
experiencing ecstasy during prayer, nevertheless she pressed on. She didn’t allow the difficulty in prayer
stop her from praying, in fact, she said:
“often when I cry to heaven for help it is when I feel the
most abandoned. But then I turn to God
and His saints and thank them nevertheless.”
Whether she felt immediate consolation or not Therese didn’t
allow her feelings to cloud the truth. At
times I can throw the towel and think this is all meaningless, I try and try
and get nowhere- I can surrender to my feelings of defeat, but when I am about
to pull my white flag, God comes through to show me that all is not lost. That though it’s ok to not always have rosy
feelings as Christians we stand on the truth not emotions. That when I cannot find immediate consolation,
I must persist even if it seems like I get a little out of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment